Irrational, aggressive behaviour in public

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[Deleted.]

I used to berserk...

I don't anymore... suffice to say...

Sure, there have been times when I feel stark raving mad, but I only acted out in public when I was less than 10 years old. I have put my fist through a window in public, but that was when I caught my boyfriend cheating on me and I honestly didn't give a care who saw me that mad, as it was completely understandable. However, I must say that since I am female, it was not considered a female way to react, so I surprised my friends.

I knew guys like you in school and my ex-fiance has a brother who is a lot like you, in terms of acting freaky. I honestly stayed away from people like you, b/c I never knew if you might be carrying a gun or a knife.

You wiped your snot on the bus and you acted in a crazy, aggressive way. It's one thing to be angry, it's quite another to be unhygenic and rude. Why do you think no one asked you how your day was?

Tallgirl.

I think you are letting yourself get too angry. The other people would probably not interpret your actions as signifying anger unless they know you well and personally. What they might think is that you're flat out nuts and dangerous or that you're high on something. I mean, what was the point of scaring the old lady who had done nothing to you?

I know the feeling though. Sometimes I hate the world for it's stupid artifice, for being so superficial and based on appearances and status symbols. I hate it hate it hate it......and soemtimes I feel as though I'm imaginary, or as though I don't exist unless I can provoke a reaction or do something provocative. Soemtimes I want to shout and rage and say "Look at me! Look at me goddammit!! I exist too! You stupid rednecks and airheads!! !"

What I have learned though, is that my sort of retaliation is expressions of anger generally go unnoticed by the other people OR they are so totally out of line and out of proportion as to be ludicrous and make me look like a fool.

I think we tend to obsess about what's bothering us, until relatively small things gain such importance that we wind up enraged, depressed, and even suicidal. What I try to do when I feel the downward spiral beginning, when I get really obsessed over somethign negative, is to ask myself whether this issue is really worth getting this upset about and spedning anymore thought on. Usually the answer is: "Not really, but..." and then i repeat it and try to think about something more interesting. Soemtimes playing music that gets me in a better mood helps. Because really, allowing this sort of thing to play out hurts us WAYYYYY more than anyone else.

The day before yesterday I got angry. I was in a lot of pain and my manager wouldn't let me go home. I have filled in for her many times when she was sick and recently, too! I was *mad*. I won't fill in for her anymore, if it's going to be one-sided. But the sad thing is that I came home angry to my mate, and he had to hear all my rage, not her. Before I went to bed I took some St. John's wort, woke up happy, and took more at work before that woman arrived. It really helped.

[Deleted.]

I can and do tantrum in public--at restaurants, etc. It's gotten a lot better with meds. Making a very, very serious effort to blend in physically and behaviorally has helped, too--I look/act more normal, I'm treated better so I don't have to tantrum, etc. (and the cycle continues... )

I used to throw tantrums in public, but I don't really do that anymore. I actually stopped getting crazy angry in public when I was about 15 (about two years ago). For the past two years (since I was diagnosed), I've been much more socially aware. At least enough to control my anger when I'm in public places.

It usually doesn't happen that often in public, occationally at home. When its at home, its usually when I'm being woken up early when I haven't got enough sleep. I got sent to the hospital once for getting so angry in a tired way that I was sent to the hosptial for taking the kitchen table and turning it upside down. This hasn't happened to me in 3 years luckally.

What I can remember in public:

Once when I was in 7th grade I was in school and I got mad or upset about something and I kicked the bubbler. Then the dean of students ran out and grabbed me and threw me in his office and yelled at me.

Earlier this year I was sitting by the window in my 3rd period class. My assigned seat is right up where I was touching the window. Everybody wanted the window open and it was cold and snow was flying in on me and nobody else. I closed the window. Then they got up and yelled at me and opened it again. Then I got up and started swearing my way out the door never to return. I never went back to that class again.

Just yesterday I was in McDonalds and I dropped my drink on the floor and started smacking myself in the head yelling "You are so stupid" and swearing outload. I then sat down and ate in a hurry because there were a bunch of parents with their kids staring at me and that is one thing that I cannot stand. People looking at me.

Usually in public I can control it. When people have said stuff or pushed me in school I usually get red and feel the urge to walk over to them and start something. During those times I am able to force myself to control it. In certain situations however I get so flared up that I will shout my way out the door or throw or kick something.