Accepting Yourself and Your Limitations

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I had a job for 16+ years that I quit basically because of bullying. That was in Nov 15 and since then I have held 2 temp jobs and 1 job that I was basically fired from. I recall even from an early age I was reclusive. So whether HFA caused reclusivness or is a side effect is open to debate. Just as a Leopard can't change its spots; I can't change the fact that I am a reclusive, austic adult. This is by no means a "pity-party" but a reality check. I realize that no matter what I do or how I present myself I am still going to be viewed as a pariah. I realize how important it is not to let other people identify who I am and to basically accept myself as I am, "warts and all".
I realize this is my personal challenge and I will use my strengths such as perserverance and intelligence to overcome self-doubt and unemployment. I guess this is a step all autistic people must go through and its my turn.

I can't exactly comment on your situation, as I've never had a job of any sort. However, I have recently made the decision to reduce the amount of time I spend acting and passing to the situations where it is really necessary. I find that I am more relaxed (I used to pass nearly all the time, including around my family, which was both exhausting me and confusing me about my identity). I don't want to dissuade you, but I have experienced some severe rejection on the part of my family (whose ideals and insistence on my 'normality' forced me to pass whenever I was with them from an early age). My parents accuse me 'hamming up' my ASD traits, as I suddenly changed my behaviour from what they want me to be to how I truly am. They refuse to accept what I tell them about being forced to pass at all times from as young as six years old.

Despite this, I fully support a change from passing constantly to being yourself. I don't believe that I, or anybody else, should need to repress their characteristics to measure up to the expectations of others - especially not family.
Good luck!

Since my diagnosis I have consciously sought out the ways I was "passing" and made an effort to stop. I also made the choice to live publicly as an autistic, meaning anyone whom I will have more than a passing interaction with is informed.

Before I was diagnosed I had all these feelings plus stress and anxiety from the effort of passing, made worse by the fact I didn't know why or what. Which resulted in a lot of lashing out, acting out, or - For lack of better words, raging out. since I stopped trying to pass and come to accept that I have autism the rage has vanished. I still have the feelings, the overwhelm, but I know it's the autism and i seek out a quiet place to recover.

Those who are close to me give me the space and if I do slip up and lash out they calmly let me know so I can correct my behavior and make amends. As a result i treat people better than before and am treated better in return.

My stress and anxiety have improved tremendously since I stopped trying to pass and let myself just be me.

I have lost a few people in my life who just couldn't handle the autism. It's sad but for me also better they are no longer in my life.

Are my choices the best? Can't say. I have found autism to be intensely personal. No two of us are alike. It's incredibly isolating. But for me the isolation is lessened by choosing not to keep trying to pass and being open about it. Those who care enough to still be in my life may never understand how I feel sometimes, how can they when often I can't even find the right words to explain, but they try and they accept me as I am.

While autism is a burden, living openly autistic I have found to be liberating compared to trying to hide it.

This is the hardest thing for me. I have been feeling (literally) ill with the realization that I may never have what other people attained in the normal process of growing up. I hate myself for every day that goes by without any progress toward that ultimate goal.