I'm thinking of leaving WP, not sure if I belong here either

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I am a bit down at the moment. I thought I could find some aspie friends online but it seems I have already upset someone and I don't even know how Maybe I am just not meant to find anyone online to talk to. Too many egg shells to walk over I've never been good at that and end up putting my foot in it somehow! Anyone else feel the same way? Need a bit of reassurance I guess.

There, there. One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl. You'll be okay.

And now, a word from our sponsor.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjfT1D1lg-E[/youtube]

Aw, Venus, you DO belong here.

You are not alone. I go through this, too. It feels awful, but it will pass.

We're quick to blame ourselves when someone gets prickly, but I think we should give the other party ownership, too. If you are comfortable to ask if it was something you said, ask them - but it doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

Please be sure to stay with WP.

Logicalmom

awwwww, Donnie was soooooooo "cute" back then. LOL

Venusflower: No matter where you go or what you do, some people won't like you. That's just the way life works. At the same time, no matter where you go or what you do, some people WILL like you.

Give it some time, and the second group will make itself apparent. Yeah, I know it sounds all PollyAnnaish, but . . . . it's pretty much true.

Thanks 'Mom...(or in Oz language, 'Mum).

I have replied to one part giving an explanation (which I hope explains adequately why I did what I did), but the other absolutely baffles the heck outta me. I got NO idea what the person is on about . Now I am worried that I have made a humungous mistake and can't 'fix' it and this person will hate me 'forever'. These are some of my worst phobias, literally, and this person has unwittingly sparked them off. I know obviously they didn't know that and being in a forum like this, we both have issues, but still the phobias continue

thanks everyone...I know my feelings are illogical. I guess I feel its just easier to hide and not even try (yes another illogical feeling). And I am scared this person will either not reply back at all, or if they do will prove that I was in the wrong somehow. It's all stupid stuff and at 45 I should know better than this and not let something so trivial get to me...grrrr (at myself!) lol It's not like I am even trying to get a date etc...I have a loving partner who does accept me just as I am, but the feelings are still the same . My best never seems to be good enough

I get that way, too. I just catastrophize conflict and criticism. Bad, bad habit!

Venus, I'm 46 ... and I call this experience "the cringe". I just went through a similar experience but with a supervisor for a project at school. I was afraid of showing my face - because I will be in a face-to-face situation by next week. I was working with him over email and I had a good old meltdown over it. I was sure that was it - he wouldn't want me within a hundred yards. Then - I get New Year's wishes and it seems all is well. Huh. I just never know. I am always surprised when people seem happy to see me, and I wait for it to change because "one of those times" that will be it - I will have offended, won't know why - and I will avoid them at all costs. "The cringe".

Maybe we should give it a name: "I have a case of the "cringes" tonight" We can cringe together

This is the story of my life as an Aspie. Saying or doing things that have offended people and I have no idea why or what it was I did. If you can't feel safe on WP when the same thing happens that happens to most of us regularly, where can you feel safe?

True, eh?

Also - Red Robin - the Osmonds - what a hoot! Brilliant!

I think you start to feel safe mostly when you realize that offending people is inevitable and not something to get too worked up about. If you accidentally offend somebody, you apologize and fix whatever damage you did, and they are still mad at you, then chances are they are too touchy to begin with. You can't keep second-guessing yourself all the time. Sure, it's not fun when you realize you have done something that hurt someone. But the embarrassment fades, and it's one more lesson to add to the pile. You're as likely to embarrass yourself as you are to hurt anybody else. The most hurtful verbal attacks are deliberate, made by people who are highly socially skilled and have chosen to use those skills to hurt someone. The clumsy fumbling of someone with autism isn't going to do that much harm, compared to a sharp-tongued NT on the warpath.

You have to get your practice somehow. Like, say you had a disability that made it hard to walk. If you wanted to get somewhere, you are better off walking however way you can, even if it looks funny, instead of standing there trying to figure out how to walk perfectly; because if you only accepted perfect performance from yourself, you'd never start walking to begin with. Socializing is the same way. You figure it out, you do it clumsily or in your own weird way if you have to. You can't be too hard on yourself when you mess up. Just file it away on your list of things not to say and go on with your life.

I do really appreciate all your replies. It helps me feel not so stupid, and like I am the only one to feel like this. I love how you name it 'the cringe', 'Mom. It is exactly how it makes me feel. Being a newbie around here, I guess it may take a little while to feel really safe here, but I guess it just all takes time, and as practice as has been mentioned in this thread.

Thanks everyone

We all over think things. It's normal for people on the spectrum to react exactly how you're reacting. But don't be so hard on yourself. But the fact that you sometimes are means you DO belong here.

my formula is never keep expectation because expectation causes disppointments
i have been on WP for a longtime now and i enjoy my time here
Its like a place where i belong
Where i can rant freely, where i get free counselling without spending a dime,
without need to look someone in their eyes,
here people understand me

Dont leave this forum just because of one person
There is so much more here for everyone

I love WP because it is never judgmental. One can be as weird as they want and still receive understanding and compassion, perhaps even respect.

And yes - being an Aspie, you will always say or do the wrong things. It is my #1 reason for losing friends in the past. Just one wrong word can cause a catastrophe.

[quote="Unseen"]I love WP because it is never judgmental. One can be as weird as they want and still receive understanding and compassion, perhaps even respect.
So far nobody seems weird to me just starting out on WP. Never understood so many different people in my life.