I need some advice please.

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I'm 28 years old. I divorced my wife 2 years ago as she had borderline personality disorder- and at the time I didn't know I had aspergers. Had I known I would have tried harder to work on myself as opposed to blaming her for everything.

She and I have been speaking again recently. She lives in California and I am currently working in northern canada. I went down to visit her and we've really hit it off again and I know after years of dating and failures I'd like to be with her.

My issue is that my current career is not transferable to the US. I will be able to save money to move down to the states again over the winter work season but it won't last very long. My issue is that:

1. I want to move back to be with her but neither of us will be employed, we will just have small savings each.
2. I have absolutely no clue what I want to do for a living
3. She's the only person I have ever been able to say I truly love, aside from my little sister. I don't even connect with my parents.

Basically this move would be emotionally based (surprise haha) and my future would be uncertain.

I had a plan next year to go to 8 months of further education to get my next level of training but this job won't work in the relationship so I am back to the drawing board.

So I guess my question is - what do you think I should do? How do you cope with major life changes? I know my sister will be very disappointed if I go back and abandon my school plans.

Ask yourself where you might be financially and emotionally in a year if you do not go back to your ex. Then ask yourself if going back to your ex would be better. Whichever you think provides the greater improvement is the path you might want to take.

But the final choice is YOURS to make.

Thanks for the feedback. Unfortunately I'm not good at anticipating the future at all. I guess in the end we make a bunch of mistakes and then we die, so may as well be happy doing it all.

if she isn't currently working, could she possibly move to where you are?

_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic

Neither of us want to live up here. It's really quite awful (north of Edmonton)

Make sure before you move that you have a plan laid out...such as a job, place to stay, etc. Make sure that the both of you are able to support yourselves fully. You don't want to leave your current job to move there, then end up unemployed and hungry.

I would say do what makes you happy. I would rather be financially struggling and happy than financially secure and miserable.

Sounds like you work in the oilsands. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (Aurora Train I jacket to be exact).

Very tough decision. Northern Alberta can be a soul draining place.

As long as you're sure that you and your ex have addressed the issues that led to your separation the first time around - sure, give it a shot.

Otherwise, consider your third option. In other words, press the reset button and do something completely different with your life. Change can be scary as all heck, but who knows what may happen tomorrow...

(Life's uncertain - eat dessert first )