When Good Interests Go Bad: A Support Thread

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As many of you are probably aware, this year I have made a ton of posts and threads about my struggles with my special interests, particularly about losing my passion for one and having trouble finding another. But this thread isn't just about me this time. You see, I have been in contact with another WP member who has been going through similar troubles with their own interests, and we agreed that there should be more support for people on the spectrum when, as the thread title suggests, our once beloved interests stop being fun and start causing problems.

These "problems" can be anything that causes your special interest to stop being enjoyable to you, including fear of losing a beloved interest once you realize that you're not as passionate about it as before, "grieving" over the loss of passion for an especially beloved interest, wanting a new interest but being too attached to an old one to completely let go, wanting to stop an interest that has gotten out of control, among other things that are probably as individual as the person experiencing them.

This is an issue that I believe more people on the spectrum probably face besides me and my acquaintance, yet there is surprisingly little to no information or advice about how common it is or how to handle it. That's why, with encouragement from my acquaintance, I have decided to start this support thread in order to help out anyone who is going through unhappy times with their interests.

If you're unsure about what to post, just tell us what your interests are (if you're comfortable doing that) and why they're causing you problems, and we'll do the best we can to offer our support.

Losing a special interest isnt necessarily bad.

Might be a sign that you're maturing.

Maybe making a living, or meeting chicks, suddenly seems more important. Maybe thats a good thing.

And special interests can be like a narcotic drug- an escape from reality.

Hm, I'm not sure how well this fits, but my problem is that I have interests, but a hard time focusing on them.
It's really frustrating when I just want to sit down and read a book, but my mind is jumping all over.
I wish I had ways to fix this.

Yes. My special interest in computers as a teenager led to me hacking into a server and being arrested. I was let off with a caution/slap on the wrist as I was a minor.

More generally, I have had special interest induced insomnia. I have been through phases where I am unable to sleep because I am thinking so intensely about a special interest, e.g. I will want to switch the lights back on and grab a book / do a web search to find that urgent piece of information. I suspect this may be some extra-obsessiveness beyond normal AS?

Okay.

I spent 10 years learning how to draw on a professional level. At some point I realized that I don't enjoy any part of drawing other than the sense of achievement if a drawing happened to turn out well. The concept phase, the sketching, and the finishing work; I hate. Doing it professionally, interpreting other people's ideas and trying to translate that into something they would be satisfied with; hate that as well.

I quit last year with the thought that I will take a break and see if the spark comes back. That was July 2011. It hasn't come back. I tried to write short stories and had fun doing that for a couple months but it didn't take. It;s all too stressful. Perfectionism kicks in and I get stuck on tiny details for hours. I can't interpret other's ideas, I can't meet deadlines, I am not a business man, and I don't enjoy any part of the process.

So. f**k it. My current job, entirely unrelated to art, suits me okay. I can do it without losing my mind. I don't have to talk to people. It doesn't pay well but I can manage. It feels like I wasted those 10 years, but I can't think of what I could have done differently given the circumstances. I have a bachelor's degree, that is worth something regardless of what field it pertains to.

However, there has been another underlying interest that has held since I was little. Books. Fiction books. I collect them. I own more than a hundred and hope to have enough to fill a room wall to wall some day. I love reading. It has always been my escape. My security blanket. As long as I have books I think I will be okay.

I want no part of reality. Reality has done nothing good for me. That escape is fundamental to my sanity.

NO. No no no no no no, verry veerrrryyy verryyyyyy wrong. Of course self sufficiency and making a living is part of maturity, leaving your special interests behind you can hinder your future life to an incredible extent. I'll explain if anyone asks.

My issue with an interest is that it got out of control and is entangled with being a means to a livelihood, and I can't take a break from it otherwise I'll also have no means of transport. Yup, I've managed to get myself all Ourobouros.

i spend too much money on my interests - books, dvds, satellite tv.

I understand how that feels. It's always been hard for me to sit down and watch things (even though most all of my interests have been movies and TV shows, haha) or read large chunks of information about my interests. That's why the biggest way that I indulge in my interests is to just think/daydream about them, typically while pacing around.



Yikes. I'm sorry that you got arrested because of an interest. I think I read about a similar situation in one of Tony Attwood's books, about an autistic teen who took over control of a train because he wanted to be a conductor or something.

I don't think that losing sleep over interests is unusual. I can't speak for everyone but I know that if I had the option to skip sleeping sometimes, I would, just to pursue my interests. Nothing is more annoying than having to take a break from a special interest binge because it's too late/you're too tired and need to go to bed.



I'm sorry that you had an interest for 10 years and then discovered that you hate it. That must have been an awful realization. At least you got a job that is unrelated to it though. It's only been a little over a year since you stopped being an artist, so maybe the spark needs more time to come back.



Ah yes, I am very familiar with overspending on interests. It frequently leads to "buyer's remorse", particularly if the interest turns out to be more short-lived than anticipated. Though in the case of one former interest, the opposite happened and I actually regret that I didn't buy a certain item related to it that I had wanted while I was still passionate about it. I guess that just goes to show that you should purchase items related to interests, but it has to be within reason. As I always say, all things in moderation.

It's worse when you lose special interests when it's beyond your control, like say for example you're obsessed with a small shop, then the recession hits this shop and it shuts down, and you will never see the people that ran it again (if they don't live local) and you'll never go in the same little shop again.

I have got the same little problem with a certain bus company, and the way they have suddenly changed all the driver's contracts and the service is hanging by a thread anyway (or so everybody is saying). I want to phone up the bus company and ask what's actually going on with all the driver's contracts lately, and also the service that I get regularly, but I don't really want to make myself sound like a twit really, and anyway the landliners won't really know since they're not the ones who sort out all the contracts. I am becoming really good friends with a woman bus-driver and she is fond of me, and, in fact, I think she may be a possible Aspie, and I would really love to be friends with her more and maybe give her my number because I know she'll like that, if we get to see each other again. But she doesn't appear to be on it, and people keep saying she's thinking of leaving because she can't cope with all her contracts being all unpredictable, so I know she's going to leave before I get to see her again, which will be such a shame.

I'm scared to find out more to rest my mind, in case I might end up getting myself into trouble, like Gary McKinnon (I think that's what his name is) who unintentionally hacked into something to do with NASA when really he was just desperate to find out more about his special interest, causing no harm. I know I won't get into that much trouble just by ringing a bus company, but I still don't want to make an idiot of myself.
People say I could get obsessed with another bus company, but it's just not the same. FirstGroup is the last company I would want to be obsessed with, not only it's because it's such a big company that it's harder to get attached to them, but also because they are built so you can't speak to the driver at all, as though it is forbidden for passengers to get to know the drivers. Besides, the drivers in the company that I love are like a one and only, and this woman that I'm now friendly with is unique and I'll never meet another friend like her. I find her so interesting, but thanks to the contract change, I will never get to see her again.

Sorry about the self-absorbed rant.

Wow it is great to see there has been so many responses to this, I'm hoping this has done for others what it did for me and just seeing other people have similar problems is making a difference. I am the other member that IdahoRose mentioned. I've had problems before but over the past few months I've been in real turmoil. Since the beginning I the year my last interest has been fading in and out, still there in the background but with other things tumbling over the top. About a month ago I used a little bit of stubborness and said no! I stopped the interest myself really but since I've had three or four short interests which haven't been that strong for me and I've had days- like today- when I get really upset and anxious because it isn't a strong interest, I keep trying to pull it back even though my current character was one that was part of my life way back when I was nine.
I get really upset, anxious and panic when I don't have a verys strong interest probably because since I was ten I've had one interest after another and they don't get a chance to have breaks. I also keep having flashes of my old interest coming through. I find my interests cause a lot of anxiety and I often have to remind myself that its ok that I swap and change and that I have off days, everyone does. I think this is a problem for other people too and especially those who have self-confidence and self-esteeme issues like I do.
I am trying, having had a very bad year for my anxiety, to help myself become more confident and so be able to say all these things to myself and others.
I think that if anyone has any particular things they think are good about there interests I think we should also try and use this place as a way to be positive as well as help each other.

Same thing has been happening to me in the last year or 2. I did computer graphic design for years and became extremely good at photoshop etc. Once i started trying to do it for a living i realized i hated every part about it. I cant listen to someone elses idea and create it. For some reason it sucks the fun right out of it and i procrastinate hard. I think the part that i enjoyed the most was just creating something that was in my mind and seeing it come to life. Other peoples ideas tend to bore me as i cant put my own creativeness into it i feel.

My other interest turned to video games. I've been trying to play a certain video game competitively and actually make money from it but my love for it has been dieing lately yet i cant let myself let it go. I've taken a break from it for about a year and im planning to go full force this next year and if it doesnt work out for me im selling all my gaming equipment and moving on. I know i couldn't ever make a living for the rest of my life from it but for now i think it would be helpful since i hate my current job and it could lead me to opportunities such as working for the gaming league etc.

Other then that i have interests that die and spark back up every now such as mycology, psychology, horticulture, pretty much nature in general but nothing im fully invested in which makes me extremely bored at times.

Thank you, Idaho Rose. Your experience with the opposite is why I have a tendency to buy "back-up" copies. My biggest mistake is that I get so much pleasure from my core interests that I buy some items related to possible interests and that is where i waste my money. But then, some of my core interests started out as possible interests.

One poster mentioned problem focusing on their interest. There is a related post: "Why can't I remember what I just read/heard in a book?" I have been following that because that is a serious problem for me.

I really enjoyed and related to Joe90s post. I'd be tempted to write a letter or call the bus company with your contact information and ask they pass that along (with a sentence or paragraph to the lady you get along with) to the bus driver who may not work there any longer. Whether they will pass it along depends on the people handling it. Good people will understand and go out of their way to get it to the lady. *** people will toss it.

Thank you for acknowledging my post. I'm just feeling so devastated about it all at the moment. It's just another worry to add to my list, a type of worry where NTs think I can easily make it the most unimportant worry of all, but it is important to me.

I got myself really worked up over a comment left on a messageboard I frequent about skating. Someone said I was "pretending to figure skate" and said I shouldn't be lifting weights to help with skating, and I should get a part time job and take group lessons instead of trying to self teach. I really got into kind of a crisis over it, though, because now I realized how I'm perceived by people in real life at the rink I go to, the coaches and higher level skaters, etc. I've gotten lots of positive comments in the past by some people, but now I see how people likely negatively perceive me.

It appears to me now that figure skating has a deep social side that can potentially be very nasty. I overheard a conversation with a shop owner about how the Russian coaches at my rink, the amount of drama, and how it's basically a soap opera. I had no idea. I just showed up, ice skated, talked to some old people, and went home everyday. But apparently there's a big social side to it all. Also, none of the skaters my age talk to me at the rink really. I was wondering if the lack of talking necessarily meant they disliked me, and now I'm realizing the answer is probably yes. I figured to myself I would skate still if I was the only person on Earth to appreciate it, but now I know not only do people potentially not appreciate it, but they may actually opposite it some fashion. With the "rink social dynamics" though, I'm wondering about something. I talked to a shop owner in another state about buying used blades, and I don't know if he was just absent minded, but he was incredibly terrible at answering any emails or phone calls. He did ask however if I knew X and X coaches, I said yes, I'm wondering if the coaches told him not to sell to me. Maybe that's a bit on the level of conspiracy theory/paranoid level, but I wonder now.

It seems the people in figure skating are very sort of passive aggressive. Like there was a Chinese guy, he'd play the radio, no one else in the rink wanted to hear the radio. I told him "Yeah I hate the radio and it sucks" but the coach instead gave him a BS story about how the radio is banned from being played at rinks due to advertisements to try to get him to not play the radio. There's very much lots of "cold shouldering" going on, it looks like.

The other thing too is, my unorthodoxy. I've not had any "real" coaches. I've got one old guy, who can be sort of a dick sometimes who's my "coach." I've managed to make progress, though. Some people say I'm good. I don't know if I'm actually good, though. People are generally impressed I tell them I've not had a coach. I talked to a guy who went sort of the same route as me. He actually had a coach initially, but he wanted to just jump. So he learned to jump. So he was a self admitted crappy skater, but a good jumper. He was doing double jumps without a coach, and he recommended me a book, which I've found useful. But without a coach, am I just "pretending?"

So my lack of a coach isn't just me being like, prideful, but at the same time, though, my view of a coach is different. Lots of people view coaches as gurus, which is a view I don't like. I don't like blindly following people just because. What caused the controversy in that thread was my weightlifting I do. I like weightlifting because I like it, but it is helpful on the ice, enormously so. My figuring was, if I don't have money to learn technique, but gaining power is free, so in the mean time, gain as much power as possible, then get the technique later. It's a weird bet. It seems to work somewhat, within a year and change of skating, I can at least confidently say I can stroke as fast as the higher level skaters. But lifting heavy weights does seem like an unorthodox way to train for figure skating. However, I've read that in the elite levels, they do lift, I feel like I'd be wasting my time trying to train the "traditional" way. I feel like I'm breaking "orthodoxy" of skating with a lot of things I do. Even little things like the way I sharpen my skates. Almost everyone recommends a deeper hollow, and I use a shallow one and people call me crazy, but deeper hollows just feel terrible to me. I've gotten some validation that I'm right, because in the past (like the 80s and before) the way I do it was common, and my "coach" says what I'm doing is actually fairly smart, but even little things like that don't make you friends.

I'm not really without a coach willingly, it's just been money because I've had no job. And I'm not opposed to a job, it's just my attempts at working haven't worked out well. Basically it seems like no job that's actually good will hire me, and I only get hired by predatory people/companies who like to take advantage of me. So the job is something that does need to happen, yeah, but people act like it's life or death and I'm the scum of society without one or something.

Regarding the job, too, I still skate even though I have no job (my rink is basically free to skate on for public sessions,) so people are like "Ah, so you can skate but you can't work?" But if I wasn't skating, I'd be home playing video games all day being 300lbs, at least it's something positive. The other issue in this all is, do I have the right to pursue my own happiness? I do plan to get a job eventually, but I feel like when I'm pressured, I just flop. Or I make bad decisions. My last two jobs were bad decisions I made out of pressure, and one job I didn't even break even moneywise. But I got them just because people pressured me. I like lots of time to figure out every option and do the best one, and again, some ways I figure out how to do things are unorthodox. People are giving me crap because I'm not out of my parent's house yet at 21, but my dad stayed with his parents until he was like 35 or something. But even if it's folly to pursue a dream like figure skating, I just don't see how it's more of a folly than the whole "get a job, go to school, so you can buy iPads and new cars" American dream. I don't see why it's other people's concern what I do with my life as long as I'm not harming others.

Today I feel a bit better, the sadness has turned into more into more like, I don't know, anger maybe? Like now I must prove everyone else wrong.

I'm reminded of an episode of the Boondocks...

I do that exactly! I do manage to learn somewhat about my interests though. I learn a little bit each day, since I still will search for information, it's just a matter of how much will I be able to read while having trouble focusing, which is a little daily.


I have that problem while reading too :0 I'll look for that thread as well, thank you.

Is this focusing issue related to Asperger's? Or is it ADD? Something else?