Instinct

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I've found something out about instinct. I may have Asperger's but I don't have problems ''reading'' non-verbal social cues like body language and all of that. It is instinct, I can usually tell how someone is feeling by looking at their face or body language or whatever, and 9 times out of 10 I find I am right about it, which is why I don't often make too many social errors. But if somebody was to point to someone and go to me, ''how's that person feeling?'', my mind would probably go blank. This is why I fail every time at the online facial expressions tests. I don't think things like these what most people know from instinct can give an exact black and white answer.

It's a bit like walking. I know how to walk, I've been walking since I was 11 months old, and it's from instinct, but if I was asked how I walk, I'd be like, ''err.....I don't know really.....'' When I walk, I don't constantly think, ''right foot in front, right foot goes behind as left foot comes in front....'' with every single step I take in my life. It's just from instinct. It's a bit like me when I read body language, no precise words come into my mind when I recognise some non-verbal cue, I just sort of know, a bit like we do when we walk, we know how to do it, yet we don't think about it (unless we hurt ourselves and it makes walking an ordeal, but that's different).

So I'm just saying that online tests aren't always the best idea to test how well you can read non-verbal cues. The only reason why I struggle in social situations is because I am very shy and I am just unconfident and afraid to speak up in groups, et cetera. I know I am not oblivious to non-verbal cues. I'm not speaking for other Aspies by the way, it is common in people with ASDs to miss social cues or have problems reading them et cetera, but I'm just saying that instinct is natural but can be hard when it comes to having to explain a logical thing about your instincts.

I too have an instinct for picking up on people's overall body language, and necessarily I automatically place less importance on the facial cues. What I find interesting as that sometimes this allows me to be more sensitive and empathising because if someone is trying to mask their feelings (and put on a brave face so to speak) they tend to only monitor their words and facial expressions, as this has the effect of concealing them most people. But I detect the incongruence and without thinking ask the person if they are OK and typically they open up.

Of course I may be wrong and that other people also notice the incongruence, yet also pick up on the person's desire to keep it to themselves and respect that, and are careful to avoid forcing the issue. Which I just stumble into instead.

In terms of explaining my thoughts and feelings to people I also find it very hard. But I tend to find the primary barrier is getting past the other person's expectations of why I would have done or felt what I did. In other words, their projection. They understand and know why they would do a certain thing, and without realising it they assume the same 'why' about me, and then I have to back track and explain why I don't see the world like that.

The instinct for body language I find can be better exemplified in my interaction with animals - NTs typically project their human experience on the animal, and completely miss what the animal is actually feeling because of it. As such I find animals relax around me a lot quicker than with many other people, who I find can't even tell when the animal is relaxed or not, and certainly don't realise the reasons why that would be (which is usually something simple and obvious - Temple Grandin has talked about this a lot).

Online tests are not the best way to determine anything in my opinion, apart from purely logical things like maths tests which translate identically to whichever medium as they are entirely abstract.