Autistic survival guide and competition among women

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I just read the "Autistic survival guide on wikibooks: " http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/A_survival ... c_spectrum

An interesting read. There were a few insights that were new to me, but overall it left me with more questions than answers.

One thing I was wondering about was the section on the "social status game", which was very central to the whole world view, and seemed more applicable to men or at least to young, single people. Although the way it describes the "game" seems accurate in general, the "goal" given doesn't seem to fully explain its prevalence:
"By being popular with, and "acquiring" potential partners, one has achieved the primary goal of the social status game, and therefore has little need to build further status."

This doesn't make sense to me because in my experience married NT women are very interested in playing "social status games" with other women. If anything, they seem more interested in it than single NT women (who seem more focused on directly "catching" a good man). The status games women play seem to exist on a separate plane from mating, or rather, while having a desirable man increases one's status among other women, increasing status with other women does nothing to help one get a desirable man. It seems to me there are different techniques for that, possibly easier ones for aspie women to figure out, as they require less sophisticated social skills than the female status games do.

I have my own guess as to why this is in terms of instinct - higher social status can be passed on to one's children, basically, so women who are partnered fall into the social category of mothers (even if they aren't actually mothers) and compete for the sake of their children's or potential children's interests. I'm not sure, though., I'm interested in hearing other people's ideas about this topic. What is the purpose of social status games among women? How do they change when women find a partner/have children?

On a more personal note, how can someone like me (married mom in my 30's) interact with other women in a way that doesn't lead to conflict? I keep finding myself in situations where other women my age are aggressive (insulting or backstabbing) for no apparent reason. They seem to see me as an enemy, though I actually have no desire to harm them in any way. I'm just not that interested in socializing because it exhausts me, and that seems to come across as an insult or attack of some kind. Has anyone else found any "tricks" for dealing with these sorts of interactions?

Hm, I won't be surprised if I don't get any answers. If the scarcity of movies passing the Bechdel test is any indication, there is next to no interest in interactions between women that aren't centered around a man, which is exactly the type of interaction I'm wondering about.

Be careful when superficially socializing not to disagree with the other women.

I generally don't socialize-- I alway forget to be careful and end up making some error that puts me on "permanent outcast, don't even let your kids play with hers" status. I notice one mistake I make is giving a wrong response or a contradictory response and thus showing that I'm not like them.

My rule is "Speak when spoken to; answer as vaguely as you can with as few words as possible."

But, don't take advice from me. Because I have a rule about social status games. I try to be aware that they are going on, because I don't want to be so blindsided by them that I do something stupid like be myself and get my kids outcast again. But I absolutely do not play, and I don't hang out with people who do.

Too bad for my kids. I've got three daughters.

I suppose I (we) should focus more on putting other women at ease. That's a difficult frame of mind to get into when you have a history of being bullied by them, though. I also wonder how NT's are able to pull off the superficially warm & friendly demeanor when they certainly know how dangerous the social game can be, but it doesn't seem to faze them at all.

It's in general incredible that people can accept and appreciate living such a, in my eyes, fake life (i.e. always pretending - never just living).

But I see you have to, if you want to survive.

Social skills are much about pretending in my eyes. It's fake to me, and that's why I don't like it.

Same problem here. I don't play any social games and I try to be nice and kind to anyone. I even try to do some small talk when I feel up to it, but mostly I am too shy to approach anyone. However, I have never done anything to conciously harm anyone else. Still, other women seem to see a constant threat in me.

Just yesterday a female colleague told me that she doesn't know me, because I don't chat as much with all the other colleagues as I should (I don't because I am so scared of her...) and that this is why she doesn't trust me and doesn't want me to be there. O.o I don't get it. I tried to remain nice even after her behaviour became more and more hostile and at times aggressive. She likes to yell at me whenever I am around and tells bad stuff about me.

I hardly ever have these problems with men, but whenever I inquired why a certain girl/woman hates me (happens quite often) it ended in someone telling me that she feels threatened by me. BY ME??? Who can understand NTs? I am certainly the least threatening person they will ever meet. They should worry about all those ambitious, chatty women who are just waiting for a good story to pass on.

Do NT men also have dread and threat feelings when you don't socialize with them?

This is the type of social interaction that goes right over my head. I would have no clue I was being scrutinized. Just as well, my kid seems to have aspergers too so it's not like we already won't be "outcasts". I wouldn't want to associate with people like that anyway. They can take their status symbol kids and cars right on down the road. Buh bye.

Humans find you most threatening and will attack the most when they can't pigeon-hole you. So being short and vague is exactly what you shouldn't do. You have to give them something as early and as convincing as possible that makes them think they got your number. Be emphatic and sound totally convinced of whatever stupid little box you want them to believe you live in. Something like "...and I say, if you're not going to cook a fresh meal for your family morning and night, then don't form one!" so they think they have pigeon-holed you in the "little housewife" box. Doesn't matter which hole you choose to portray, as long as it's convincing and empty-headed.