"You've got to control your jumping at loud sudden noise"

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My boyfriend often says this, but how can I control something that is a natural reflex? Everybody jumps sometimes but I do happen to jump more than other people and I can't help it. I have anxiety and I'm also sensitive to sudden loud noise.

In some ways being sensitive and jumpy can be a good thing. Most animals survive in the wild by jumping easily at unexpected situations or noises, so being a human with that type of reflex can be rather beneficial.

Anyone agree or relate?

Well if you could you would right ? So i would say to him itls how i work.
Sounds like they do not understand the level of control on this.

My wife gets startled pretty easily, too.

What about yelling/screaming uncontrollably at the same time? That's what I do.

Now this is something that I have had for many years where any sudden loud noise I would jump. The thing that for a while cured it was working on the railways where due to tiredness or jetlag (As ones body would be numb for a few days every other week when they shifts wrnt over from lates to earlies (Every day would normally e a different shift so have a different start and finish time)). Now the railway enviroment I became numb to. In other words, after a few years of the sudden noise of trains passing the other way, I stopped jumping, and towards the end of the nine years of working (Which for me was a record to have worked in the same job for so long as most jobs two years was too much and I would quit due to cracks in masking etc.) I found that if someone tried to give me a fright I would not jump at all.
However, it has been 12 years since I left and I am back to jumping again. Not quite as bad as I was because I would jump every time someone used a hammer even though I was watching them use it... And a pnematic drill. I would not only need my fingers in my ears, I would have to run past on the opposite side of the road. Today as those pnematic drills are soo much quieter then they used to be I don't get so many problems. But yes. I certainly jump, but not quite as jumpy as I used to be.

???

Isn't this one of those things one wouldn't do if they were actually able to stop? You have nothing to feel guilty of.

I just can't seem to control automatic responses of my nervous system. a loud sudden unpredictable noise is gonna make me jump no matter what bloody ableist complains about it.

And then they say that it is an Aspie trait to have difficulties putting themselves in other people's shoes. To me it sounds like a human trait. I don't choose to jump, it just happens, like a cough or a sneeze.

^ I've been saying that for years. It's not that aspies have trouble with empathy, we just have difficulties relating to the kind of trouble we haven't had ourselves, just like NTs. Or how many NTs have managed to show you empathy when it comes to sensory issues? For me, the number is zero.

This. NTs are merely more often right if they assume other people think and feel like themselves. They're not good at understanding how the minds of other people work if it's too different to their own either.
Therefore they don't tend to understand autistic people any better than autistic people understand NTs and they don't tend to understand reactions and thought processes of NTs in situations they're completely unfamiliar with.

I guess you shuld also control your body temperature when you have a flu.
Or blinking at discomfort in eyes.
Best you control how gravity affects you!

But it still seems to be autistics that get the blame for the lacking of understanding of other people's state of mind. Even some autistics themselves seem to forget how misunderstanding NTs can be when it comes to our issues. But no matter how much we discuss it here, the whole world is still going to see "inability to oneself in other people's shoes" as a typical autism trait.
My boyfriend is usually a rather understanding and empathetic man in most ways but even he fails to understand some things. Probably because he isn't so easily startled. So even the nicest of NTs or NTs with very high empathy score can still be ignorant to some things others feel, and that applies to me too (I have high empathy score).
My mum's an NT and is easily startled, so she doesn't criticise if I jump.

I have this issue with my spouse as well...I think he takes it personally that "he" made me jump. To him I think it implies I find HIM scary. He finds that offensive, because he has never given me a reason to fear him.

If it were true that HE was what was scary, his taking offense sort of makes sense. But he is working from a flawed initial assumption.

It has helped to explain that ANY unexpected sight or sound makes me jump, and that I jump because I DIDN'T know (for that split second) it was him. I also jump when I think I see a large insect, even if it turns out to be a shadow, or when the doorbell rings and I wasn't expecting anyone, or when I see my reflection in a window and think it's another person outside for a second. He usually doesn't see those times, but is always around when a noise he made or his sudden appearance behind me is what startled me.

Maybe that would help? If what's bothering him is the fact that you jump period, then that's just his problem and very illogical. You can't control those types of reactions (except maybe by drugging yourself - not advisable).

Some guys at work have got these bangers or whatever they're called, that you light and chuck them on the ground and they explode, making a sudden bang that's louder than any other loud noise you can think of. My nerves really don't like that, and I jump each time. It's been going on for about 3 months now and I am nowhere near getting desensitized to it. The supervisor criticized when I refused to do my work because of my nerves, he was like "they're just guys having a joke, you need to chill." But it's not a joke any more, it's juvenile and needless and yes I do enjoy a joke but this has reached a point where it's not funny any more, and surely my well-being at work is more important than some stupid joke that got old a long time ago.

I'm a nervous wreck now with these bangs.

I'm very easy to scare/sneak up on and I get really angry when people sneak up on me or scare me. I usually scream and then yell at them. It's one thing I really hate that people do and I don't think it's funny. I hate any sudden loud noise or stimulus actually. And I hate being grabbed. I've thought about this and I think the reason is that I am usually daydreaming or super focused on what I am doing or what is going on in my mind and I forget about everything else.

Agree

Insult to injury

Post traumatic stress disorder

Just because they don't understand it doesn't mean it's not justified