Have people stood you up or just "changed" on you?

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Have people stood you up, not followed through (on something they said they would do but didn't) or just "changed" on you, as in:

-Person is nice in the beginning and you really feel you're friends with that person. Then, they either don't return your calls, delete you, or otherwise have a "change of heart"....

More times than I can count, a person seemed enthusiastic about making a friendship date, even going so far as to suggest it themselves, then i never hear from them again.

This has happened with people I thought I knew very well, to acquaintances. And usually, I have no inkling that they will have a change of heart later. In fact, the conversation seems to go well enough until the very end, to the point where the person might say, "So let's meet at such and such a time at [...] restaurant." their suggestion.

I would really like to understand the psychological explanation behind this. I worry that it is something I said - but then, well the goodbyes went fine, the whole conversation went well (at least so I thought) - usually the person gives no indication that they will change their mind.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever felt that things were going "well" with people, then something goes wrong between the time you say goodbye and the time you see them again, if you ever do that is?

Yep, often. Not just people I've just met, but people I thought I knew well too.

No idea what to do about it though - obviously I do something very wrong but no-one has ever told me what.

It is what it is. Why worry thinking about it.

People have other plans going on to and they like to prioritize as well. You end up getting put on hold as a result. Whether it is for the time being or is indefinite doesn't matter. All you have to do is go about life on your own and enjoy it.

They better bloody well not stand me up. They won't get another chance, the bastards.

I got stood up for a date at a movie (Titanic). Since I was already at the theatre I went to see the film anyway.

I also used to talk to members of my last band but they just stopped talking to me. Such is life. I'm a writer now anyway so music isn't prominent like it used to be.

Here's the band, BTW.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdlkYymTCxY[/youtube]

More times than I can even write here on this forum.

Has happened to me online lot of times but maybe that is normal for everyone and I am also sure I scared some of them away. I know one person online who pretended to be my friend and when I refused to give him naked photos of me, I never heard back from him. I was hurt because I thought we were great friends and it only lasted a week. I don't know what he was doing or what his intents were. I did have another online friend back when I was 17 and the when I was 18, he turned on me and was mean to me all of a sudden calling me the B word. I never understood why that happened.

In real life I have had friends who changed on me or some other kids who were just acquaintances. they would be nice to me and sweet and then all of a sudden they were jerks to me. I did also used to talk to this girl on the bus when I was eight and I always enjoyed hearing her talk about her problems and then one day she never wanted to talk to me again nor would let me sit with her.


Then when I was 22, I knew this one person who also had AS and he was going to come to my apartment but he never came and wouldn't answer his phone nor ever called me. I was upset and left him a message on myspace about it and then later I saw he wasn't on my list anymore and he supposedly deleted his profile. I never heard from him again. I don't know what happened but yes aspies can stand you up to or not call you to tell you what is going on if they can't make it and just disappear all of a sudden. I just didn't contact him again because he never contacted me so I didn't want to bother him.

I'm usually the ones who ends up breaking ties with the a**holes. They think they can say thigns to me that are offensive and we're all peachy keen to stay friends the next day? They've got another thing coming. I've been through it a lot and can pretty much disconnect my emotions from them if it ever came to leaving them.

I have been turned on by some people, which was so confusing. I was young as 13 when it first happened. A boy had a crush on me, and I didn't know what to do then he starts to hate me and accuse me of committing what was the biggest crime in the school. More recently another guy wanted to have sexy texts with me - he was a friend - but I didn't know what to say and again he started to hate me. So basically now I just tell people I don't date nor do I want a relationship. Too much stress on me and I'll rather have all the time to myself.

I think this happens to everyone. But it certainly happened to me a few *TOO MANY* times.

Sincerely,
Matthew

In my last job, a girl befriended me, and arranged to meet me at an outdoor seafront cafe. I turned up and waited ages for her, she didn't turn up. I tried calling her but she didn't answer her phone. She had previously put strong suggestions to me that I should go off my job with stress leave, because she knew I was under stress at work from workplace bullying. I did go off on stress leave (it was my own decision though not because of what she said) and I tried calling her a few times after she stood me up but could only get her voicemail.

I realised in retrospect some time later, that my boss wanted me out, because he had asked me if I could go from part-time to full-time and he knew I couldn't (I had a baby). So I believe that the workplace bullying was a deliberate way to make my position so uncomfortable that I would leave. I therefore wondered whether this girl was used by my boss and another colleague who she was also friendly with to encourage me to leave.