Messing up.

Post Reply New Topic

I'm once again making a mess of everything. I'm trying ot do all my paperwork, but it's a mess, and it's not going well, meaning I'm bound to have to pay fines, or not be able to claim things, so I'll have no money.
I just gave up on my tiny own business - partly because we will be moving house soonish, but also because I can't manage the paperwork. I'm actually good at what I do -childcare- but I can't do the paperwork and it scares me. So I don't know if I'll be able to start it again once we have moved.
I'm trying to apply for another job, but can't get the paperwork for that sorted either. Besides, it's a job with colleagues and a boss and so far that has never worked out very well.
I'm trying to do a course but I don't even understand the instructions on how to write an essay.
I have trouble having phone conversations with people I don't know very well because I can't make out what they say or mean, and they don't seem to understand what I mean.
Plus i though I was making friends, finally after living in this tonw for six years, but now no one keeps in touch, they cancel appointments, and I don't know why. It could have nothing to do with me, but I don't know and I don't want to force myself on them.

I'm totally dependent on my partner, and he works so hard while I'm just being useless.

I'm good for nothing and I'm a failure as an adult.

Cinnamon, is there a disabilities support organization nearby - maybe they can help you with paperwork? I get in these pickles, too, and I have a hard time asking for help. Picking up the phone really bothers me and when people talk at me with instructions I am lost. I wonder if you could email a support and advocacy organization? You sound completely overwhelmed. I have those feelings, too.

I don't know if there are any organizations nearby. But I don't have a diagnosis anyway. I am on a waiting list for an assessment, but the list is very long. I only gave in to be assessed because of this. I'm afraid that I will not be able to have any job.

Anyway, I'm glad that I am not the only person who feels like that. Usually it seems that way and that makes me feel incredibly stupid.

Uhh... I know that feeling.

If I do not do the paperwork immediately and leave it, it is so hard to pick it up again and get it done (executive dysfunction?). I can be a very messy person, so on workplaces I am very neat, otherwise I can not keep on top of the (very boring) paperwork.

My husband (through 18 years) left earlier this year, and he took care of paying the bills, tax papers and stuff like that. It is really scary that I have to do that all by myself now. It is not because I can not do it, I can, but I need to be more organized to get through without paying extra because I forget bills etc.

I think I have to make a (better) system for doing these things, getting more organized

You are so very, very clearly NOT stupid, but I understand how you feel that way when you are so overloaded and buried under stress.

Yes I know this feeling and this situation too unfortunately. I can't motivate myself to do any mundane paperwork and it costs me literally thousands but even more than the financial cost is the damage to your confidence. I manage to hold down a job, but it depends on a certain amount of goodwill from management and a necessity to be good at other aspects of my work to compensate. If you're not lucky enough to have a job which interests you then that is extra tough.

I have all the time in the world for researching and philosophising and having imaginary debates, (about saving Western Civilisation), live on tv in my head but don't seem to have 10 minutes each day to sort my own life out.

Its limited my potential for marriage as I have to find someone halfway organised and stopped me from being more ambitious. Its a little bit like alzheimers sometimes but I have to take more responsibilty for myself. If I made more effort and spent less time reading crap on the internet I'd be ok.....just....maybe.

Try to break it down into very small parts like tell yourself that you are going to do say 15 minutes tidying etc each day. Don't think too much about it just start. Use a count down timer perhaps to time regular breaks. Easy to say but wish I could keep on top of this stuff better myself.

Helles, sorry about your husband leaving. After 18 years? That is a bit odd, isn't it.
I worry about that. I don't think my partner will leave me, but if something were to happen to him or he decides to become a buddhist monk or something, then I'd be on my own. I live far from my family now, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't manage.

It's just so embarrassing. I'm 43, I'm a healthy person, yet I have never managed to earn enough to make a full living, and I can't manage my own finances. Up until my mid thirties I couldn't even manage the housekeeping very well; the house descended into a disorganized and fairly dirty mess and my mother ended up having to help me twice a week - not with the actual physical work, but with telling me what needed doing and how to do it and how much time to spend on each thing.
And I had a person (don't know what it's called in English - an advocate or smth?) who managed my money and only gave me a set amount cash each week. Now my partner manages the important bills, but there I still things I need to do and obviously I still fail.
On the bright side, the housekeeping is going well now - I'm actually quite good at cleaning! Admittedly, my partner also does most of the shopping. And earns almost all the money. |

I want to be an independent self-sufficient adult.