Autism Talk TV Episode 23 and Smiling

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Confuddlement
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28 Dec 2012, 7:29 pm

I was just wondering if anyone else found the episode really fascinating?! It really helped me understand what I haven't been doing so well during group conversations. I have been told that I am always storming off, but it wasn't until today that I realised why people might have thought this! Also, I may be guilty of interupting people when they speak...a lot! I have no natural filter for picking out appropriate pauses in conversations unfortunately.
Anyway, I was just wondering if a lot of people experienced problems of people thinking they are sulking because they are not sure when to smile? We aren't expected to walk around smiling all of the time, surely?! Anyone with any ideas or tips, I would be really grateful! It was something I thought I could do alright until in my diagnosis report there it was, a confirmation that I had failed at social smiling and attempted it at incorrect times! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)



MountainLaurel
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28 Dec 2012, 7:47 pm

No we are not expected to smile continuously. Smile when someone makes eye contact with you.

You can also signal friendliness by by flicking your hand up in a brief wave and smile as you are leaving a group.



Confuddlement
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28 Dec 2012, 7:52 pm

But, how do you know if someone is making strong eyecontact, or glaring? Usually these things happen to fast for me to recognize! I try to make eye contact a lot, but then I worry I am staring :S



kotshka
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28 Dec 2012, 8:12 pm

Honestly, I find these videos to be entirely unhelpful and even a little insulting. They are clearly staged and scripted and the examples given, though they claim they are "real tests"of the skills Alex has been taught, are obviously not real and always have a positive outcome. Surely some of the advice given in the videos is useful, but the way it's presented just feels so patronizing. What I'd really like to see are more examples of how to react when something unexpected happens. What do you do when you're rejected? The woman in this video describes how to disengage and walk away, but it isn't demonstrated and what she describes is FAR easier said than done. Seeing that would be much more useful than seeing Alex successfully enter a conversation.

I'm also a little annoyed that I sent an email a few months ago offering to write articles for this site and never got a single response, not even to say they're not interested in my contributions. I'm not satisfied with any of the articles or videos posted (though I didn't say that in my email) and I thought I could contribute something more useful and even offered samples to prove my ability, but I feel as though I've been completely ignored. Which is a great feeling especially when this reaction is from someone who's posting videos on how to be successful socially and not be rejected.

And yes, Confuddlement, I know exactly what you mean about making eye contact versus glaring. It's really incredible to me how people can process these things and tell the difference between thing A and thing B when the difference is only a fraction of a second! I'm really glad I live in a society where it's not expected that you smile without a good reason or react to eye contact. So much less stressful than it was living in the USA.



Confuddlement
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28 Dec 2012, 8:20 pm

I know that the social demonstrations aren't real, but I like to see how these things are SUPPOSED to play out. Oh yes I ennvy those magical people who just know things, I had no idea that I couldn't just leave a conversation when I had nothing else to contribute.



MountainLaurel
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29 Dec 2012, 12:59 am

Quote:
But, how do you know if someone is making strong eyecontact, or glaring? Usually these things happen to fast for me to recognize! I try to make eye contact a lot, but then I worry I am staring :S


I did not especially mean strong eye contact. What I meant is; when you glance at someone and their eyes meet yours; then smile, then relax your mouth & glance away.

Whether the other person is making brief eye contact or glaring, smiling in response is OK.