The horrors of not living alone

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I just have to rant about this a little.

So, I normally live in a student dorm, but at the moment I'm home for Christmas. Home means in one flat with my mother, where I can constantly hear the guy who lives aboves us, and who likes to stomp around, yell at his little son and slam doors sometimes until 3 am. It's nothing new that I'm very sensitive to sound, especially when I need some rest, but it's also my mother that drives me mad sometimes. I need some alone time. She always wants me around her. We go shopping, then we eat together, then she wants to watch TV with me, then we have to visit some of her friends (which was way too loud and stupid, so I zoned out and got a little agressive) and then when we're finally home again, I withdraw into my room and get on the computer just to be alone for a bit. After 2 minutes she walks into my room, asks me whether I'm doing something important right now, because she wants me to help her with something. Later I take a shower, and she just walks into the bathroom and wants to start a 2 hour conversation with me. Whenever I sound the slightest bit annoyed or give short answers, she feels insulted and starts to argue with me.

She doesn't accept the fact that some people like and, in fact, need to be alone. She thinks that's unnormal and wrong and and instinct that has to be fought. She expects me to try to change it.

When I'm in the dorm, at least I can pretty much do what I want all day. But even then, the sounds from the other rooms and even the pure knowledge that people are close to me tend to overwhelm me. It's like I'm in a constant overload.

I know that I would be happy just living in a single home on the countryside, with no neighbours, hardly any visitors, just tending to my hobbies all day. But this doesn't really work in today's society any more.

No NT ever seems to understand this, and sometimes it makes me feel sick and depressed.

I wanted to do exactly the same thing as you at that age - life didn't work out that way, but I could have written this and still I dream on it:


Sanctus said: " I know that I would be happy just living in a single home on the countryside, with no neighbours, hardly any visitors, just tending to my hobbies all day. But this doesn't really work in today's society any more."

I felt the same way back in college! Usually lived by myself in my dorm for 2 years. No regerets (save some large bills, but actually small by today's standards!). I only felt lonely because I was away from a girl I was in love with.. Otherwise, I enjoyed being free from prying eyes, etc. I had my online friends & a few peolpe I sometimes hung around with, and that was enough!

Sincerely,
Matthew

It seems like your mother is unable to spend one second alone.
I feel for you, I live w/ several family members like that.

Please allow me to share my story for what it's worth.

My parents bought a student home in which I could live with 2 of my best friends from high school. At first it was all good but after 2 years finance situations brought another friend.. so me + 3 others. I totally couldnt live with it and got very depressed and frustrated, failed all my studies and 2 other 'careers' (first online poker then investments&trading before the financial crisis).

After drinking and using heavy medication to deal with the situation (thank god I did by the way) and 6 years later my last friend left the student home and I got stuck with 2 foreign people and a simple minded dude who was 5 years younger. This was earlier this year.

Then my situation got a hella lot worse and there was nothing left to do but move out even though my parents bought it (very hard to tell and discuss for me). I stayed in a totally free standing apartment (no neighbours or noises nothing) and had to go through a very difficult withdrawal process.
After that I stayed home for 3 more months to get used to normal life again before I had to start my university study again. I couldn't deal with it and starting drinking again, just to be somewhat nice and cheerful to my mom & dad.
Eventually this turned out into a situation in which I was self-medicating with unhealthy amounts of medicines(be it way less addicitve) and alcohol. But I moved out again this september '12.


So the moral of the story. I moved out in this great apartment complex in the middle of my beloved city. I got everything to my own, kitchen bathroom etc. After 7 years of hell and difficulty I finally thought to have found my rest and peace.

The people above me make so much noise it drives me crazy, I had to ask them today whether they were @ home this NYE. So they are, and I'm forced to go back home and sleep at my parents place because the noise will just drive me crazy and I dont want to start 2013 with such emotions.
Also since it's an apartment complex, I have to deal with a lot of people to handle general things around the house (for instance the entrance to the complex or the use of washing machine). Or hear the sounds of all the people coming in.

Anyways, this was supposed to be my savior to finally live alone and without s**t. And here I am, counting the days that I can move out (1-year contract). Next time I will find a place where I will have as little disturbance as possible and not have to deal with anything or anybody.

It took me several times of moving out, but now I hope to think I know what I want. (only to come back september '13 to complain about my new place I'm sure lol)

Long live ranting

You should consider to move to the countryside and not focus to live in dense populated areas. It is cheaper, fewer people around and the days become much more predictable.

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but it sounds like your mother needs to back off a bit, she clearly doesn't realize that you're feeling smothered by her, and she obviously has boundry issues that need to be addressed asap. If my mother were to walk into the bathroom while I were showering, she and I would have words, and it would likely end with me telling her to back off and learn some boundries (luckily my parents were never like that though). I think you should speak with her on a serious note and tell her how you feel about it, even if she takes it badly, it needs to be in the open and discussed.

Well, that's my opinion anyway.