Do you rub people the wrong way all too often?

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One of the most frustrating things about being on the spectrum for me, is having to work within a specific social situation for any length of time.

The inevitable 'banana peel' i always, always slip on is the one where through no seeming intention of my own, I just happen to effortlessly rub someone the wrong way....and they're from there on in forever against me. They seem to make it their personal mission to make my life hell, and browbeat/harangue/inveigle or just plain bully and harass me into getting away from them.

It has most often happened at the numerous failed jobs i've attempted, but in other situations as well(the postgrad student office, friends of friends, living in share accomodation etc). There's always that one person who I seem to irk or bother, thus proceeding to create so much tension (usually arriving as a fusillade of complaints, gossip, insults and abuse) my emotional energy, which is already a precious commodity given AS, is quickly depleted and I'm forced away from the situation simply to preserve my own sanity.

Whether this is from being wierd, quirky, eccentric, incompetent, lazy, unproductive, unintentionally rude, slow or whatever, its really bringing me down and obstructing me particularly in the field of employment. I'm wondering how common this trait is on the spectrum....this, this "effortlessly pissing people off" thing. Its really driving me up the wall to the point im beginning to think fate has conspired against me, and im just unfit for society and should live out my days as a fur trapper in the distant wilderness dick proenekke style.

help, advice, or sympathy appreciated!

I have this exact problem at every single job I've ever had. I never quite understand how it happens since I don't mingle and socialize much, so it's not like there is ever much opportunity in the first place for me to actually really do something to piss someone off. BUT it always seems to happen regardless of how social or asocial I tend to be.

I doesn't just happen at work either. It happens just about in every single situation where I'm included in a bunch of people that basically are forced to spend lengthy amounts of time around each other.

That's why I like to keep my social interactions short and sweet. Especially with groups, when I can. I feel pretty hopeless when it's situations I can't avoid, so I spend most of the time coping the best I can till the situation is over, or I do what I can to get myself out of it.

Eh, I do seem to have quite a few people who dislike/resent me, especially at work. I can be quite blunt and don't seem to understand the way social exchanges are supposed to work in order to minimize hurt feelings. I also hate inefficiency and superfluousness, and have no problem rocking the boat when I see it needs to be rocked. Maintaining the status-quo for its own sake seems ridiculous. I need to do things my own way (which, at the risk of sounding stuck-up, are often superior to the common tactics...at least for me!) I also don't mingle if I can possibly help it, and often contradict incorrect statements or illogical arguments in both private conversations and meetings (which I find almost unbearable!)

In my personal life, I also suffer due to my bluntness and inability to understand conversational rules. I don't like participating in conversations unless it's about a subject that truly interests me. This makes me seem tight-lipped and unfriendly (not maliciously...just in that I don't want to interact with others), which I suppose I am. Coupled with my terrible eye contact, I probably also seem untrustworthy, which I most definitely am not.

Oh well. I'm finally learning how to accept that I will never be socially acceptable. The people I can interact with successfully appreciate me for who I am. Those who don't appreciate me for who I am aren't worth bothering about.

This has been me to a "T" all my life, especially in work situations.

I tend to think I'm actually quite good at rising to the occasion of what's socially expected of me in the workplace dynamic, and things would even be going well for quite a while, with people seeming to like me and I seemed to fit in.

Then something ALWAYS happened to eff that up. And it could be as small as ONE misunderstanding where, in my awkwardness, I say the wrong thing without meaning ANY harm at all, seriously, but it sticks with that person and they are never the same with me again. Then it spreads, and boom, I'm walking out on the job because the interpersonal dynamics regarding myself plus them have just become too toxic and exhausting.

I'm now self employed, but even now, I'm starting to have that same "started out great -- suddenly became pissed off at me" situation with the clients I deal with if I have too much contact with them, or get too close. One woman almost became a friend and I thought, great, this is going well. But I seem to have pissed her off or lost her respect in some way, and now I feel depressed and rejected every time I have to deal with her.

It's made my whole life hell, it never seems to matter WHAT I try to do to change things or avoid pissing new people off in a new situation, and I'm now 51 and alone and wondering if I'm just unable to be alive.

The people I always "rubbed the wrong way" were management-type Alphas, who can't stand having their ideas challenged or questioned in any way. It took years for me to learn to keep my mouth shut and not say things like:

"Wouldn't it work better if...?"

and

"That's fine for now, but what about the long term?"

or

"But we have an ethical responsibility to our consumers"

or gods forbid:

"We can't do that - its illegal."

Strangely, even holding my tongue in meetings didn't stop them from continually and repeatedly firing me. If doing the right thing hinders them from increasing their personal profit margin, the last thing they want around is somebody who represents logic, rationale or a conscience.

Oh, I love his video about making the cabin in the wilderness! You definitely have a sympathetic ear here.

Inevitably, all my relationships, work or otherwise, seem to sour. I don't even know why or when, but at some point I notice someone who initially was friendly toward me withdraws from me and sometimes goes to the length of avoiding me. At one of my jobs in the past I was told by co-workers that the one co-worker resigned because she couldn't handle working with me anymore. This was the same workplace where everyone but me was invited to another co-worker's wedding. I don't know what I do or say that turns the tide but it's pretty much a constant with me.

I'm entering my senior year at school and I'm starting to stress about doing my internship and going out in the workforce after graduation because I really don't know what I do to rub people wrong. I'd like to be able to make some changes so I don't experience the same workplace issues again after I graduate but I don't even know what I'm doing let alone how to change my behavior.

so its not just me....


^^^At least you have a clean state and not a sordid employment history like me. Its so bad now I experience traumatic episodes just thinking about going into a workplace, the only thing I can think about is the barrage of complaints, abuse, name calling, the classic "oh hes wierd!" and the innumerable individuals who I've gotten offside and doubtlessly would discourage people they know from employing me. It always starts fine because noone "knows" about the real you.....but give it two weeks or so, and your mask of "normality" starts to slip. And its all downhill from there!

Are you ALL born on 4 or 13 or 22 or 31???

January 2nd for me!

I rub people the wrong way sometimes.

Q) Do you rub people the wrong way all too often?

A) Invariably and unintentionally.

I do it all the time and the scary thing about it is, I can't really do anything about it, except to avoid social situations all together, which may not be an option at times.

Definitely this. I cant stick permanent jobs due to this. I always end up leaving. Im a contractor now so its not as bad but still happens. Things start out ok but then go quickly downhill. People start acting strange and sometimes downright hostile towards me and i never understand why. My mind is running over why they're acting like this and i end up getting paranoid and vindictive. At this stage, i usually end up having to leave as i feel ill go nuts if i stay.

I used to have panic attacks before going into work or taking numerous days off just cause i cant stand the stress of being there.

I think some people are just a***holes.

There's a girl in one of my classes who seems to despise me for a reason I can't figure out. One day she insulted me out of the blue. I can't remember what she said, but it was a really insulting response to something I said. But today before class, I was looking at a girl sitting next to her who was talking about the new horoscope stuff, and the aforementioned girl suddenly says "Please stop looking at me." And I said, "Um...I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at her." And she responded, "Well stop looking at my friend too." Then I said, "Do you have a problem with me?" And she said, "I have all sorts of problems with you." I never did anything to this girl. but she seems to hate my guts and I don't understand why.