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Sometimes i swear I'm on the border of psychopathy, because i think of disturbing ways to kill people at times mostly when I'm angry and i like to play mind games to learn about human psychology (my very NT mum taught me emotional manipulation skills which she thought would help me understand NTs better) but the difference is i know it is wrong and bad and that there are many reasons i shouldn't kill people when they piss me off i also feel bad when i hurt people that i love and it makes me sad and i want to make them feel better
That's not evidence of psychopathic tendencies.
Most psychopaths have no real urge to kill people. Psychopathic serial killers presumably do, but the majority of psychopaths are not killers. (About 30% of a typical prison population consists of psychopaths, and there are also some who have never gotten into legal trouble).
Psychopathy is not about feeling something that most people don't feel, it's about
not feeling something most people feel. Specifically, the defining feature of psychopathy is lack of emotional empathy - an emotional response to the suffering of another person. As a result, although individual psychopaths differ regarding whether they enjoy causing suffering or simply are mostly indifferent to it, by definition psychopaths don't find suffering in others particularly unpleasant. (If it adversely affects them, such as making them slower to do what the psychopath wants
they can get annoyed, but not an empathetic reaction.)
A person with subclinical psychopathic tendencies would therefore be someone who does feel emotional empathy, but not very intensely. Maybe they're only capable of caring about someone who is emotionally close to them, or someone who is very severely distressed. (
Richard Kuklinsky, a psychopathic hitman, apparently felt a vague inkling of empathy when watching videos of the most brutal murders he committed.)