How do you make special interests seem like NT passions?

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I know I drive people crazy when I talk about my special interests too much. I can tell they’re just barely tolerating me rather than enjoying my company. I know that if I want a real friend group and a girlfriend I need to not have any visible special interests. My main issue with special interests is that they kill any social skills I might have.
Lately they’ve been worse because I’ve been getting pure-O OCD obsessions. Special interests are the only way I can avoid those sorts of obsessions and all the anxiety attacks they cause.

I think the problem is info dumping on other people. If we are really excited about a subject we like to tell people everything about it. Everything.

Other people prefer a more back and forth conversation. Where you ask a question and they answer. They say a thing, you add a bit to the subject. A torrent of information on one side doesn't lend itself to conversation.

There are good guides online about how to make conversation. Advice on what are good questions to ask and so on.

Maybe if you write a blog about your special interest so you have somewhere to put all your thoughts on it. You could post the link in your signature here and anyone who is interested could read it. That way you still get to share what you love.

I just find my special interests are so all of nothing. I either don’t talk about them at all or talk about them non-stop. I don’t always end up info dumping. It still ends up being too much. Mainly because my special interests are always on my mind. So they always sort of barge into conversations when I’m not careful or haven’t banned myself from talking about them.


I actually prefer back and forth conversations as well. But no one cares enough about my interests to make it back and forth. I love it when I meet people who can have NT conversations with me about my interests.



For now I sort of write about my special interests on forums about them. I have to be careful because I often get stalkers when I’m not careful enough.

I understand this one! It is so hard to focus on other people and their interests, and I am so afraid I am going to do the wrong thing or say something they will think is awful. So I focus on things I know best and bore others to death. I always feel embarassed. It was much worse when I was younger ( I am old now, 70!) I think what worked for me was just experience over time and learning a lot of "social scripting". I try to always ask people about themselves, something they like (if they wear a team hat, ask if they like sports for example) and I have made myself a challenge to do this with everybody I meet. I still like to share information better than I like to talk about things that make me upset, but it seems to me most people want to get going on emotionally upsetting things . maybe that is one reason I avoid interacting with strangers very much. I guess I wanted to say I understand, and try to encourage you. You are not alone.

I wouldn't dissuade you from relationships, but beware of forsaking your own pleasure. You are made to enjoy a deep knowledge in certain subjects, and while others may be bored with that, it harms no one. What you call social skills are things which give NTs pleasure, hence their valuing them. You have your own social skills (insight, thoroughness, directness) which give you pleasure. While we all have to adapt a little to each other, pretending to be someone you're not is illusory, and any good it brings will be illusory. It will also probably give you a lot of pain. This is a recipe for self-loathing.

Remember that "social skills" is a phrase denoting what NTs like, and they are not the only kind, or ideal form, of humanity. This idea pleases them, and since they enjoy self-image they want you to buy into that. Special interest is also their phrase, describing a passion they see from the outside. Personally, I consider it dismissive and hateful. I always called them passions, myself, and what's wrong with enjoying a deep knowledge and understanding of something?

Many NT people may get bored hearing about them, but I get very bored with their rambling and chit chat. Except, they gain pleasure from seeking my validation, and don't recognize my boredom. I could pretend to like what they do, but then they will only accept an idea of me, which is based on imitating them. This will just create false connections and distress in my mind and body.

So, yes, you may have to adapt a little, but do so for true friends who accept you. Do not chase a social group because you've been told it is normal, or will make you a valid person. In my experience, most NTs are passionate about self-image and how others perceive them. Few have humility or want to learn from the world.

Seek out these people. You will have to be patient, and it will be hard, but otherwise you will become someone you're not, and attract people who like this fantasy you. This makes it likely others will use you, and you will become very unhappy.

I agree with the blog idea. When I used to have obsessions I impulsively talked about them to family and friends, not because I was unaware that they weren't interested, but because it was like scratching an itch and also I wanted them to become interested. I became more able to hide my obsessions as I got older, but when I was a teenager I was so obsessed with a few certain people I knew of in my life, that it was like it hijacked my whole mind and I literally couldn't think of anything else. It's hard not to talk about an obsession that has engraved itself in your brain. I was so happy when the obsession started to fade. I didn't even like the obsession anyway, but it was like it chose me, and it wasn't a healthy special interest like other autistics have, it was an obsession that turned into stalking sort of thing.

I wish more specialists understood this. When I tried getting a diagnosis, one thing that made them skeptical was that I could tell other people weren't interested in my passions. Well, duh, I realize most people don't go around all day talking about literature and the Sex Pistols. I can hear. I'm not brain dead.

Now why they enjoy that...this is another question

I relate to that so much Joe. I don't tend to have special interests where I can remember all the facts and tell people about them. Though I do find certain topics interesting and can consume all the info I can find on that subject.

But I have been obsessed with people I know. And would talk all about what I liked about them, what funny thing they said or did. I didn't realise that was a special interest thing.

My special interest are things, and sometimes people. Like musical acts. I can get obsessed with a person and want to go deeper into them. It doesn't have to be a musician though.

I also use blogging and get involved in online communities. Internet has really helped me making categories of my special interests.

I prefer doing my obsessions rather than talking about them

when I talk too much its because I am pontificating about the same thing, chewing the cud in my mind (as mum used to say), going around the mulberry Bush to get to the point (waffling) or am asking to many whys? and questions about things

if people tell me to knock it off I will

Last edited by Earthbound_Alien on 19 Dec 2021, 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

extra note, we need autistic emoticons on this site

I pull weird facial expressions apparently

I don't mind

I think its funny

Oddly, I don't like to hear the term "passion" because it always makes me think of those pretentious careerists and such who tell everybody that they're passionate about the subject that's to do with whatever it is they're trying to sell. The word has got so over-used that it's become almost meaningless. I can see how some people would feel offended by the term "special interest," but for some reason I just interpret it as meaning somebody who is especially interested in a thing, and if it's used about somebody with ASD, it's probably a genuine interest. If somebody else wants to equate it with a being nerdy, undesirable special-needs basket case or something, that's their problem, I just don't think like that.

But maybe I'm missing the point. I don't think it matters to anybody if somebody has an intense interest as such, I agree with some others here who say it's OK as long as you don't data-dump it on people who aren't that interested. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that kind of thing, and I hate it. I don't find it easy not to do it myself, but when I do let it rip, I don't come away feeling good. I can sense when people wish I hadn't, when they're just being polite and pretending not to be bored. I don't expect my interests to be very interesting to anybody but myself. It would take reams just to explain to a normal person the most interesting (to me) part of what I've been doing today. Let's just say I've been messing about on a computer, something to do with recording my own music on a laptop, and it's not gone very well.

I guess I have to share some of it to stop myself going mad, so I try to just give people the bottom line, and usually end up saying too much, but not as too much as I used to, or as too much as my father used to until his dying day. No wonder I didn't visit him often. I think it helps to just offer quick summaries of things, to present bite-sized headlines, and let them ask for more details if they're interested. And to stay mindful of who you're talking to and what their interests are likely to be.

Unfortunately I can't bring myself to "ask good questions" because if I'm not genuinely interested in the answer then I see it as phony to ask. It just doesn't feel right to be running a script from some "how to be sociable" on a real person. On the other hand, if it's important to them and I feel much of a bond with them (and I feel some kind of a bond with most people on account of our common humanity), I might truly be interested and ask.

People tend only to be interested in talking about what they want to talk about...and they will often try to steer the conversation to their interests.

NTs seem to have an approved list of interests (sports, celebrities, trendy TV shows, etc.) so two NTs can have a conversation on something they are both interested in.

My interests are not on the "approved" list and over the decades I've learned people generally don't care to chat about them. (Which is sort of fair...their interests don't interest me so I'm not too keen on chatting about them!) I find not talking much helps.

Afterthought: My bride probably often wishes I was better at not talking much.

Different friends group ? People with deep special interests so everyone can enjoy info dumping and everyone goes away having learnt something new

Small talk is for small minds