Romantic Relationship Statuses in Adults Diagnosed with ASDs

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Just wondering what the distribution of romantic relationship statuses in adults with ASDs are.

Just for clarification purposes, Young Adult = 18 - 24.9 years of age and Full Adult = 25+ years of age.

Although I dated for the first time when I was 17 and there were girls/women who liked me and showed interest in going out with me, I never had a girlfriend because I chose to be single (due to me deciding that there were more important things going on my life than getting involved in a relationship) until a little less than 2 years ago when I was in my last semester of college. From that point on, I have and went on dates with women around my age every now and then. But never had a serious romantic relationship with one. I am still seeking one (whether that will be initiated online or in real life I do not know). I am in no rush to get married any time soon though as I am only 24 years old and still have plenty of time to find one. But I have noticed a lot of people (all of whom are NTs) who are my age that are already either in serious romantic relationships or engaged or married or even having kids. Talk about people who are unwisely deciding to get married too early given the current state of the economy (which is poor).

Last edited by chssmstrjk on 09 Jan 2013, 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

45. Never been in a relationship/dated nor seeking one. Asexual so no interest.

I'm 43. I was in a relationship for ~5 years, with a partner that was abusive, controlling, manipulative, and who exploited my relative naivete and youth, and who became very angry with me because I was not interested in sex.

I find romantic relationships to be an illogical waste of time. I gave it a shot once and it somehow lasted nearly two years but I got sick and tired of having to pretend to be interested in sexual activities. (The person I was with was also a stuck up as*hole) It was such a weight off my shoulders when I decided to call it off.

I am in a relationship, but this is really my first relationship (and experience dating) and I am 25. I did have to go online to meet him, and so far it is a long distance relationship, and it is rather early-ish into the relationship.

Most of my friends my age are married or engaged. This felt really weird when not even 3 months ago I was single, never having been in a relationship and I was 25 and all my friends were married.

Most of my friends who are married, got married just out of school, or already had jobs. So it was not a bad financial choice on their end. Some are still in school but it is grad school.

Have been in relationships, anti-sexual, against relationships, against marriage, and against having children.

Marriage is a human construct
Sex is primitive
Love is chemicals
Reproduction is unnecessary

Not asexual though, I have to fight that stupid desire too. I am not a completely free human, my mind is still has ancient primitive urges hard wired into it. I hope we evolve away from sexuality...its ridiculous and bizarre

Last edited by Dreycrux on 10 Jan 2013, 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I got married in April to a woman who I have been with for 10 years. I have always found relationships difficult for reasons that are only becoming clear now I understand ASDs. I have been seriously lucky to find someone understanding enough to put up with all my quirks and who is beautiful to boot.

There was a time when I was seriously trying to come to terms with the realisation that I would probably never be able to do that relationship thing after a series of ever more frustrating attempts highlighted just how inept I was. If I can get lucky then anyone can so, if it's something that you do desire, don't loose hope like I once did.

Remember that the people you're polling have executive function deficit. I see this a lot on this site, polls with a gigantic number of options or a page-long questionnaire. KISS. (Since I am not diagnosed, I can't answer the poll. Another benefit of not having a diagnosis.)

I have had some casual relationships which didn't last longer than 1 month (I'm really not sure why I was with them tbh, probably just experimenting), and 2 serious relationships. Well, the first serious relationship lasted 3 years, but I wasn't completely happy, he didn't understand me and I continued to be in the relationship 2 years more than I wanted (I know that's a long time). In all of those relationships mentioned above, I always needed my own space, I couldn't understand why people in relationships wanted to be around each other all the time, my feelings weren't strong and they most definitely didn't understand me. I accepted the idea of being alone, which suited me fine tbh, as I didn't think anyone would understand me.

My second serious relationship is one which I am still in. This one is completely different (in a very good way)! We started being friends by talking about our eccentricities. He has aspie-like tendencies which might help explain why we get on so well. Currently, we've been together for 2 years, 1 month and 2 days. I can honestly say that I don't see this relationship ending and he doesn't either. We just understand each other! We have a lot in common and finally, we both like to be around each other 24-7; there's no need for alone time! I never thought that I'd find this, but I have! Of course we have the occasional argument/misunderstanding, that's natural and is bound to happen, but we always make up afterwards and everything's okay. I think they key to this relationship working is the fact that we understand each other and we've accepted each other's eccentricities (I love him for those quirks), which means that we can completely be ourselves and the other one doesn't mind.

I'm not saying that everyone will be happy in a relationship, as some may prefer to be alone, but I did think that I'd be happy in a relationship, and now I don't .

I'm 28, female, and been married for 5 years. My husband and I have been together for a total of 10 years. We started dating in high school, and he was my first real boyfriend. He is not on the spectrum, but he tolerates and even likes my quirks. Sometimes communication is a problem, but he knows my diagnosis and we work on it. We love each other and we're awesome together. We have two boys, ages 4 and 1.

If all humans were to actually evolve away from sexuality, then they would have to find other ways to reproduce or else the human race would eventually go extinct due to an inability to reproduce future generations of people. But I do hope that the human race becomes smarter about who they reproduce with, when they reproduce, whether they are actually in love with the person, and wearing protection (if they don't want to have kids with their mate) or willing to give birth to any kind of kid (if they want to have kids with their mate). Nowadays, many people are having kids when they are not even married due to their inability/lack of ability to think about the consequences of their sexual actions.

29. In a love/hate relationship for almost 8 years now.

Sex is just a silly dance for reproduction, It isn't some recreational sport. It's sad most people don't see it for what it is: primal. But you have a brain that is self aware so you can use it to overcome and hopefully future generations will be less inclined to be sexually active. Like the experiment with foxes being domesticated and then their offspring being separated from humans. When the offspring first saw humans they behaved as if they were domesticated. This is what I mean by evolving away from behaviour. And why bother with relationships if the end result always pushes towards reproduction. You can try to prevent it with protection all you want, nature still wants you to be it's biological vessel! I think society plays a role in helping us *think* we need to be in relationships to be complete and whole.

Or maybe I'm just to autistic and don't understand the human experience. Either way the whole thing is a bit repulsive and i'm not immune to it.

Last edited by Dreycrux on 10 Jan 2013, 4:07 pm, edited 4 times in total.

27 female, married for three and a half years. Been together for five and a half years. I have had two failed relationships and both of them were bad. One of them was abusive and I am not sure about the other but it was horrible too.

27 not in a relationship stopped looking at the moment. soul searching.. had two previous relationships first was testing the waters...second was out of confusion and curiosity.

i hope to find a woman capable of understanding me, but I've come to the conclusion she may not exist.

29 for all intents and purposes (minus a few days)...
Divorced...
Roughly the same attitude to sex as Dreycrux...
Eventually realised what I wanted out of relationships was utterly incompatible with what anyone else wanted out of them, and gave up... or at least that is half of it.
The other half of it is that I'm an absolute nightmare to be around for any length of time and frankly I don't think it is worth inflicting that trauma on anyone for the sake of fleeting personal gratification.

... I notice a very distinct gender imbalance in the poll results... but I was kinda expecting to see exactly that.


(For the record, what I wanted out of relationships was to be the cat. And as for how I become an absolute nightmare to be about...this is how.)