Are you happier with no friends or social contacts?

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Just wondering if age will give me any wisdom here.... The older I get, the more I realize that I suck at making and keeping friends. Social contacts as well. I suck socially. Across the board.

Does getting older make you realize that you are happier without friends or social contacts (or very few) or is it just the opposite?

Interested in feedback no matter your age...

I have some friends and more social contacts then I care to have. I am in my mid-forties and I have discovered as I get older I desire to be around people less and less. Although I think it's healthy to maintain a few close friends that you can be comfortable with. This is my personal experience I am sure it's different for everybody.

I'm 46 and I feel a lot more at ease with living how I want to live ie with minimal contact with others

In the past I felt more pressure to live a more NT type lifestyle and felt bad about not having a group of friends and not going out a lot but as I get older I care less about it

I can see that I have spent a lot of my life trying to be something I'm not, just to try and be 'normal'

I feel I've got less to prove now as I've given it all a go, with mixed results, and now feel I've earned the right to please myself

This has a lot to do with meeting a person who is on the same wavelength as myself who I live with as a friend. We can go
for long periods during the day not saying much to each other, just doing our own thing on the computer and we're perfectly happy in companionable silence, only talking when we have something to say

This is the ideal lifestyle for me ie to have company but not stressful company and not having any pressure to go out and do social things

When I was younger, I felt very self-conscious about not having dozens of friends and a full social calendar. It also hated to admit that I didn't enjoy the same kinds of socialising as everyone else did, like drinking, parties, pubs and clubs. I simply made excuses and didn't go.

As I grow older, I realise I shouldn't feel ashamed about any of this. I'm 35 and I like my own company. Occasionally I like someone else's, as long as they're someone I feel comfortable with. I do need to socialise, but much less than average. I could very easily live my life seeing a friend only every three weeks or so. The other limitation on socialising for me is that I can't handle a large social circle. Even with my limited number of friends, remembering everyone's stories and what is important to them is a job of work as it is.

I'm very particular about who I want to mix with

If I'm ever with a group of people there will always be a sense of anxiety around it as I can't control how the interaction goes

So I will feel I want to be good/popular in a group but when in a group I don't really like it as I feel too much pressure to perform in a manner that is outside my comfort zone

I have built my life around avoiding situations where people can make me feel bad about myself and if that means my life is limited I'm not bothered as feeling at ease is far more important to me than excitement/adventure.

I think I would have been far better at living a isolated monastic type lifestyle although as a woman I wouldn't have wanted to live with a group of other women as a nun as I'm not keen on women. I think monks have a better lifestyle than nuns.

Last edited by nessa238 on 13 Jan 2013, 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I had a decent circle of friends, while in college. But after graduation, I sort of drifted further from people, mainly talking online. I still keep up via the 'Net with my old friends..,
But being 51 (almost) makes me realize I have missed things that might have made my life more fullfilling. But it does also, seem a waste of time to wring my hands & moan about it. The one area that (probably) having an ASD is in romantic relationships. I just never could master those skills. And I wanted too...

Sincerely,
Matthew

Yes, I am comfortable living alone without social contact outside of the mandatory when I work or have to do shopping. My mom lives in the city and I see her maybe once or twice a month. I exchange email with my siblings who all live many miles away in various directions. That is the extent of my social contact. It is fine with me.

I agree with nessa238 about being less bothered about the pressure of what is considered to be neurotypically normal and healthy as I grow older. When I was younger it bothered me more that I was cognitively unusual and did not seem to share the motivations others apparently have as far as interaction with their fellow man is concerned. My issue was not the fact that I did not like social interaction, it was that I had no motivation to change that preference meanwhile knowing that disinterest in making friendships is considered to be abnormal by neurotypical people.

I am no longer concerned with 'normal'. All I care about is that I am stable and sometimes even happy.

I have no friends but then I guess the important thing with me is being domiciled. I hated being homeless.

I'm 28 and happy not being a social butterfly. However I find it is important that I have at least a few people who are willing to relate to me in ways I find enjoyable. I Talk to my parents frequently and it's always enjoyable because they enjoy me the way I am, but I'm trying to find that in other people my own age. I think that to get the benefits of a relationship we have to be willing to work for it on some level. A few close friends is for me absolutely necessary.

After reading nessa's I must say I agree about finding it harder to get along with other women than with men. It seems to me men are more straightforward in how they say and do things.

As I have gotten older. I have realized that I need friends less and less. The less chance of them getting me into trouble, asking for money. Having to come up with excuse after excuse of why I haven't called. I guess I am not the best friend material, because it doesn't always occur to me to call, text, etc. But also I have had some really crappy friends too. So idk. I guess that is the age speaking there. I am not yet 30, but I feel 40.

I do tend to want to be a part of some community, but that doesn't necessarily mean close friends. I can get by on simple written correspondence because I really do enjoy exchanging thoughts with others or learning new points of view.

It's not so much about loneliness as just feeling bored. Finding good meaningful conversation is mentally stimulating and helps me avoid boredom.

I find people annoy me more, but the good people in this world I want to be around with more. A bit of an odd dichotomy, but I am often considered an extremely loyal friend.

At this point though, I care more about my contributions to the world than what people think of me.

Yep. I understand this perfectly. I don't want many friends, yet I am very loyal to the ones I have. For me, it's because I genuinely like these people and I take my responsibilities as a friend very seriously.

Not having many friends, and spending time alone most of the time throughout my life so far, has gotten me used to being alone without feeling too lonely. Now I often feel happy and cotent doing things alone at home. It's a nice feeling. I don't know if it has anything to do with my age.

But I do still want some interaction with others. And I think that's probably the reason why I come here on WP to exchange views, ideas etc. Also, knowing that there are many people like me on WP somehow gives me a sense of relief.

I am close to my parents and siblings though they are in a different country, and I do have a few friends who I go out with once in a while. I think without those people, I would feel very lonely. I don't think I would be able to endure complete solitude.

Well it did for me, its actually a good feeling relying on one self.

When your young you probably waste all your time trying to fit in, i know i did, because back then there wasnt to much knowledge here about autism, aspergers and such.

imo, for everyone, especially once we get older, it seems that the social circle gets smaller.
I have my gf, i have my best friend (diff state) since we were 13, and we have a couple friends down the street that are neighbors.

All through out my life i have gone through cycles of being able to be around people a little bit, then i will isolate myself. and repeat the
pattern.

My gf and i have been and living together for 5 years now. She is the only human who i've not felt the urge to isolate myself from.
I have shutdown and had her right next to me, yet we have never been apart.

Normally i would be fine going through life being a hermit living with animals.
There have been times in the past though, that isolation has made me stir crazy so i went to a gamestop briefly interacted with the cashier clerk and had i guess an "interaction fix". (i don't know what to call it)

I am imagine that NTs that are very social actually need to continue their own socialness in order to thrive.

Also, the longer i isolate myself the more damaging it is for me when forced to interact with humans in public. I have found it has made it harder on myself, and worse for me to interact with others after i have not been near or talk to any humans in a very long time.
I get more anxiety and stress from social situations after i have isolated, it is so much worse.

Yet it is a pattern than i'm used to doing. Since i've met my gf, i feel my isolation includes her and sometimes i worry i am isolating her. Yet she seems content without any other humans aside from me. Right now she's playing Skyrim (yes, i swear she's NT) and she helps me a lot especially to avoid a lot of situations where i could be socially uncomfortable.