Haircuts - or lack thereof

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I'm an Aspie and so is my son, so we struggle sometimes with communication. My son is recently out on his own to go to college and he is asserting his independence. I understand that, but he is doing something that is driving my crazy and I could use some advice.

He is growing his hair long and does not shave regularly. I'm OK with that except that he is not taking care of his hair and it looks like a rat's nest. Most recently when I saw him this weekend I realized that something was very wrong with this hair. He had let his cat chew on his hair and there is now a large portion on the side/back that is chewed off. It has gone beyond normal scruffy to being completely ridiculous.

He absolutely refuses to get a haircut to even it out. I took him to the store and we bought him some hair products, which he did not object to. I am not sure if he will use it, but it is something.

I have been obsessing about his unkempt hair for a while now. He is pushing back. In the grand scheme of this this isn't huge, but it does not help him get along in the world. I went through my own scruffy phase before I learned socially acceptable grooming so I do understand - sort of.

Any suggestions about how to deal with this?

What helped you get out of your scruffy stage?

Maybe this isn't helpful, but I just wanted to suggest you try to find out exactly the reason he is refusing haircuts, because it may not be the hair itself which is the issue.

Personally, I find professionally done haircuts extremely stressful experiences for several reasons. Firstly, hair salons are usually very clean and open places staffed by well-groomed people which is an uncomfortable environment for someone who has trouble with grooming and looks scruffy. Secondly, the person cutting your hair usually wants to talk constantly at you. It is difficult and stressful for someone with autism to carry a long conversation. And thirdly, they are waving scissors around your head while they are doing it, which is an intimate thing to allow someone to do, and autistic people frequently have problems with trust, touch and intimacy. I learned to cut my own hair because I couldn't handle these things.

I can't say if your son has the same problems I do, but I wanted to suggest that you offer to cut his hair yourself in your home. It might help that it is someone he trusts in a familiar environment (and by the sound of things, even if you don't know anything about cutting hair, you would be able to improve on the current situation).

Jinks makes some excellent points. I dislike going to get my haircut for much those same reasons. I went because I am obsessive about being neat and hygienic, but it was about on par with going to the dentist. I've recently started cutting my own hair.

I really hate getting my haircut but fortunately I have gone to the same hairdresser and get the same haircut for the last 10 years.

Yeah, you could always just have it forcibly cut.

It's not like he's going to do anything about it.

Maybe you could cut his hair for him? May not turn out pretty, but I'm sure it would be an improvement .

I go once a year, I love long hair and I like the natural frayed look to be honest, fits in with my old t-shirts and hat I like not that I care much about looks. I dislike the hairdresser as well, the smock chokes my neck and I hate the feeling sicssors around my ears, afraid they will cut them off, so I grow the sides aswell as the back now. I have had the same hairdressor or all my life and she is a personal friend of the family. I don't like spending the money either so Dad normally pays, funny how he doesn't want me to look like his HS yearbook photo.

i dont like getting haircuts either; i postpone them untill it is the lesser of two evils, compared to the sensory issues of having my hair too long (i grow a mullet naturally; and it gets in between my clothes when too long; just as my front hair curls up into my nose).
to facilitate this; once i go to the hairdresser, i let it get cut a tad too short, to maximise the time untill it's needed again.

this also results in e not washing my hair all that often; i have very thick hair, so keeping it out of my face uses too much gel if it's clean, but slightly greasy hair stays in model by itself.

I don't ever get my hair cut except maybe a slight trimming once a year at most, usually less. I like long hair and do not want any of mine cut off. I want it to be as long as possible.

I highly dislike having my hair cut. I would never cut my hair, is my mother wouldn't bring me to the hairdresser. I hate hairdressers because they costantly tell me to remain seated and to stop moving, and I can't do those things. This is why I hate haircuts.