Have you ever overestimated how much people 'like' you?

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I have. For example, I've replied to online dating ads, thinking my response was heartfelt and understanding....nonjudgmental, like geez, the person will look at this and think 'Here's someone who won't judge'. Usually, the person had some flaw or low self-esteem.

No response.

I'm thinking, I must telegraph some sign of lack of empathy from the outset. There must be some signal I'm emitting that gives a red flag to NTs, or anyone else that is good at reading people.

What about you? Have you ever thought you made a good impression or that someone liked you, only to find out that they didn't?

Many many times. All you can do is shrug your shoulders and move on. But these disappointments are balanced out by the many many times when you suddenly cross paths with someone who unexpectedly likes and cherishes you very much.

I always get confused with the words ''underestimating'' and ''overestimating''. I always thought ''underestimating how much people like you'' meant that more people like you than you think or people like you more than you think, and I thought ''overestimating how much people like you'' meant you think more people like you than they really do or you think people like you more than they really do. That's how I always used those words anyway.

I am actually the opposite - I worry too much and think I've said the wrong thing when really what I say isn't that bad in other people's eyes and that I'm just worrying too much. Sometimes when I listen to myself on tape in a social situation of some sort (one where I am comfortable with people and I'm talking to, like a room full of people in the family), and I sound quite normal but I say some funny things what aren't inappropriate.

Not exactly, no. I have no way of knowing how I come across to others unless they tell me...although I can get some sense of the broad strokes of how people feel about me if I spend enough time with them (which means spending a lot of time with them--many many interactions in an in-person context) and develop a clearly positive/negative relationship -- or if it's extremely obvious.




Well, it's possible that people are reading something into what you say that isn't there -- and that you can't see it because you never put it there in the first place....but that's not about empathy, per se.

Could it be that you say things that aren't typical for people to say (or say them in unusual ways) in responding to dating ads? That could make it hard for the other person to read you -- or more likely for them to misunderstand you.

Remember, too, that just because somebody doesn't want to date you or be your friend doesn't mean that you've done something wrong or made a bad impression....they might just not be interested for some other reason.

Yes, I thought a girl really liked me, not so much for dating purposes but just as an example of a great human being. To say I was dead wrong would be an understatement and she practically reported me for harassment when I was just trying to be polite. It took me days to work up the courage to overcome by social anxiety and this made me even more of a hermit for months.

I also went to meet with someone at work for an internal job posting many years ago and thought I blew him out of the water (I was practically guaranteed the job before I met him). I later found out from his boss that he said I showed no enthusiasm and didn't seem interested. Still can't figure that one out I was practically on drugs I was so excited for that "perfect" job.

NO, because when someone is nice to me first thing I wonder if they are brain damaged.

I can apply this thread's notion to my writing. Whenever I send out a short story to be published I'm always hoping the magazine would like it since I'd tailor-made according to their standards. Yeah, I'm crestfallen when they reject my work. I just have to remember they're not rejecting me.

Hahahaha I actually laughed at this, not in a hurtful way toward you. I feel the same way

I'm terrified of overestimating how much people like me. I try to deliberately underestimate it to avoid this disappointment.

I am getting married in 2 months. Asked someone to be my best man, he has stopped answering the phone to me and responding to text messages

The first thing I wonder if anyone is physically attracted to me is if they have some sort of weird fetish or are clinically insane.

You've perfectly described my feelings on the topic. I've made the mistake of thinking people like me too much in the past and it only ever ended in me feeling stupid and hurt. Now I'm extremely skeptical about people who seem to like me. It's safer to hope for the best while assuming the worst.

....that's awful.

(Congrats on getting married, though!)

I have found on more than one occasion that people who appear to or say they like me will stop communicating with me, and tend to have "other things" they need to do.

It makes me less trusting about friends.

No. I've always been more surprised if they do. I don't think I'm a bad person (although I have my faults like anyone) but I am very misunderstood.

For me, it's the opposite. I am very hyper sensitive to criticism and rejection, so often I will think someone hates we when they actually like me or don't mind me.