Are my parents lying to me, oblivious or just unsure?

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I have mentioned that I think I have Autism/Asperger's to my parents and they have been refusing to answer. I also have OCD and depression too. I'm just really confused because a few years ago they use to talk about it all the time and now they don't even acknowledge it. There is times when I hear hints but when I mention it to them they give me some BS story (IMO). My biggest concern is that I could be getting obsessed with the idea that I have Autism and not actually have it.

What is your advice?

Some children get diagnosed when young and their parents try to "protect" them by not telling them.

How old are you?

What kind of stories do they give you?

I was also obsessed with what was wrong, although I didn't even think of autism until way later. I was told to stop being concerned. My mom always acted like she had something to hide because she kept wanting me to get "neurological testing", because she thought it could explain my problems.

My obsession was correct. Honestly, if you feel like something is wrong, and your motivations are to try and fix it or just know what it is, I would say listen to yourself. Even if you were just obsessing because of anxiety, that's still a valid anxiety problem. In other words, even if you are obsessing and you don't have autism, your concerns and perceived obsessiveness should still be addressed.

I'm 24.

When I graduated high school they mentioned that I might have Asperger's but I haven't been able to get any confirmation since. My biggest problem is that I feel out of touch with the rest of my family and lack of understanding.

Thanks for the advice and I plan on getting answers.

It's possible you weren't diagnosed, but your family has a suspicion.

My family is ashamed of my autism. They perceive it in a negative light. As a result, it's not talked about. Even when I had no idea about my autism, they never talked about my mental health issues, either.

I know this may sound bad, but try to be prepared for a lack of support. I know if my child was struggling and I thought they had an issue, I would try to find out what's wrong. If they don't seem too concerned with your obvious problems in life, they might feel it's not that big of a deal, or they don't really care.

You are old enough where you could get tested. If you want, you could maybe ask your parents to help you financially for the testing. You know them better than I do, so you might want to word it in a helpful light.


Example: I want to get tested so I can try to fit in better/relate to the family more (They might perceive this as good, even though I would argue that it's kind of crappy).

That they do. I have heard of a kid that was diagnosed with AS and not told until 6 months later. Got dragged to therapy weekly and not told why.

I agree with above. Your concerns need to be addressed.

I'm am still not yet evaluated but something a distant family member said to me in recent years strongly suggested that something was known all along, but my parents "swept it under the rug" in a misguided attempt to protect me and pretend everything was "normal," because if they did that, maybe suddenly magically things would turn out to be "normal."

I'm already aware of several things my parents did in fact use that manner of operation regarding, so it wouldn't surprise me one bit to find that this was another.

Pursue your evaluation to put your mind at rest; this is what I'm working up the courage to do too.

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My parents tried to explain to me all the things wrong with me through childhood, but I wasn't ready and was upset that unlike IQ tests, I did very badly on EQ tests. They had a talk with me when I was about 20 about how proud they were of my progress from the child terrified of noise and unable to make friends. I used to think of myself as semi autistic in my late teens, but don't recall ever getting diagnosed as a child, in spite of the anxiety and noise intolerance issues being well known.

Anyway when I tried speaking to my parents about ten years ago in my mid twenties, especially my Mum especially basically freaked out at the suggestion of anything being "wrong" with me.

Good luck finding answers. My parents acted the same way (mixed messages). I got an official diagnosis. Now I know for sure. I don't have to rely on my parents for answers.

Your parents may be oblivious to what 'autism' really is, due to the fact that many people haven't been exposed to it and often have an incorrect and negative view on it due to the way its portrayed by the media

There are times...

Since you are a legal adult, I strongly recommend you get tested. You also have the right to know the results of any testing that was done while you were a child. If and once you get a formal diagnosis, sit down with your parents and inform them of it. Try to not be confrontational about it. I think the most important area to concentrate on is understanding your condition and moving forwards from there. I too feel like my parents hid it from me as a child(and still are hiding the fact they knew) but it's not very constructive to worry about that is it?

Sounds like you've pretty much made your mind up anyway.

Did they ever have you tested? If not, what they think is irrelevant. They're not experts. What they think doesn't matter.

I was diagnosed with AS and although I'd heard of it, I didn't really know what it was - I was in for depression and Aspergers was picked up in me.

At the end of the day, knowing I've got it didn't really change anything. I already knew what problems I'd had all my life and they didn't go away or change through knowing it was a part of AS. The only thing being diagnosed did was allow me to put a name to why I had the problems. Even If the psychiatrists hadn't have told me what I had was AS, the problems I had would still have remained the same and that's what I needed to work on.

I've also got a form of OCD called Pure O that showed up in my early teens and I count my footsteps (and other items). I hadn't even heard of OCD back then but I knew it was something weird and had to be fixed. Finding out what I had was called "OCD" didn't change anything but taking the Anafranil (Clomipramine) and later, Prozac (Fluoxetine) sure did. Even if my psych had of skipped the "You've got OCD" part and just said "Here, take this", I would have improved just the same.

My point again is, knowing the name of what you've got isn't really the important part (apart from telling others, "I'm an Aspie!"). Having a professional treat you with medication and/or therapy (CBT, DBT, Schema, whatever) is!

P.S.

If you've got OCD and depression, I urge you to look into the medications I've mentioned above. That's why I mentioned them in such detail. Of course, it's up to you if you take them or not but I've got to tell you, they work.

P.P.S.

The 'too' is superfluous. You could have left it as "I also have OCD and depression". If you really wanted to, you could have typed "I also have OCD and depression as well!" - Just a thought. Sorry, I can't help myself! I'm often wrong too! (Correct usage of 'too')

Actually, knowing the name of what is wrong was very important to me. I've already noticed a huge difference between the way medical professionals used to treat me, and how they now treat me. I'm now validated more, and people seem to make an attempt to understand me.

It's probably important to say it depends on the person. In my case, I was misdiagnosed (well, almost, several times) as having borderline personality disorder. Saying "I'm autistic" now allows people to think beyond my traits. I'm no longer viewed as manipulative, dishonest, a drug addict, lazy, or stupid. My autism diagnosis has allowed me to communicate with people without them attributing my traits to anything else besides ASD.

I think the OP mentioned those other problems because he is thinking he may have developed them as a result of ASD. It's possible if you aren't treated that you can develop other mental health problems because of how people treat you. If you don't have the label, people will almost certainly come to the conclusion that you are doing everything on purpose, and thus you just need to "knock it off".

Also, feel free to correct my grammar. It's been horrible for several years.

Yeah, but you're weird!

Actually, I kind of agree. I haven't got your text in front of me so I'm not sure what I agreed with you on but I have found if people know I've got AS, it doesn't make them want to associate with me any more than usual which is 'not at all'. My experience has been, at most, people find it more of a fascination than anything.



Ah, that's right. I think the bit about having doctors know is beneficial was what I agreed with.

Time for a cup of tea.

Sorry about the weird bit. I didn't mean it and I don't take being disagreed with our being proven wrong well.

It's OK! I understand completely. Also, it's completely OK to not like to be disagreed with. It takes a pretty rational person to admit being wrong, though, so you're good!

I don't really think you were wrong exactly. It's just in my personal experience, it helped me a lot. I can completely imagine a life where it wouldn't matter, especially if I grew up in a more liberal area or had more family/financial supports. I suspect for females or males who are severely misdiagnosed (like with borderline personality disorder or god forbid antisocial personality disorder for males) you can finally say, "SEE! I told you that diagnosis didn't quite fit!"

BTW, I totally am weird. No "sorry" needed.

Don't know your parents but parents and mothers in particular have a natural protective instinct.

I am in my 50's and got diagnosed last year. Adult diagnosis is difficult because you need to have had Autism when you were a kid. Memories have gone bad, records do not exist. I remember being in public school through second grade, private school in third and fourth grade then back to public in fifth grade. As part of the diagnostic process I asked my mom what happened and she said she did not remember much. I figured it has been over 5 decades and she like me forgot. I did get the diagnosis and started looking back on my life in this new light and the pieces mostly fit together. But there was still this gap about what happened in second grade and it bothered me that I would die with this gap in knowledge. I asked her again and as expected she did not remember. A few months ago we were talking about the incident where and Autistic kid was bullied and the teachers did nothing. It was then I was told the school called my parents to a meeting and said home school your kid because we are kicking him out he can't get along with the teachers.

As it turned out I am moderate to severe aspergers. If my case was borderline the failure to tell my psych I was kicked out of school after 2nd grade could have cost me a diagnosis. She was still trying to protect me after my diagnosis which makes no logical sense. It is pure mothers instinct. It would not surprise me if she is still hiding something.