Homesickness/afraid of future

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I think I already made a thread about homesickness some time ago, but this time I want to go a little further.

So I'm studying in England right now, but I'm originally from Germany. I lived in the same house for 19 years and love the place.

I always tended to get homesick easily, and this is no exception. I just want to go home. I guess it doesn't help that I dislike change. The thing is, it is pretty normal to be a little homesick when you're in another country. But really, I never thought about where I would go once I'm done studying, where I would live, what would change in my life. I always just assumed I would live in that small German village in a house with my parents and grandparents for the rest of my life, wake up, go to school, come home, eat my mother's food, and do fun stuff. And now that I do think about it, I'm really scared. Eventually, I will have to work somewhere - probably in another town. I will live somewhere else, be around different people, do different things. My parents and grandparents will eventually die. Everything will keep changing, and nothing will ever be the same again as in my childhood and youth.

To me, this is a terrible thought. I would be happy with a calm life in the same small village I grew up in. I don't want to go somewhere else, not for long, anyway. I don't want to have to adapt to changes. I want to keep doing the things I loved when I was younger. I just want everything to stay like that forever.

I know it's normal for us to have problems with change, but isn't this a bit extreme? I'm literally afraid of every little change. I don't feel like I'll be able to cope with it, not without the protection you'd get as a child.

I feel exactly the same way.

Don't know what else to say. I just want everything to stay the same.

I've been through this feeling. I think everyone (NT+AS+?) goes through it to some degree.

Some thoughts that may help:

1. Plenty of AS have been there and made it out the other side and are still alive and kicking.
2. Moving from Germany to England is an enormous change that most NTs wouldn't even dare contemplate. If you can do that you can do anything.
3. I think what you are afraid of most is the end of structure in your life. You have always studied, where as long as you did what was asked of you, did your homework and handed in your assignments life ticked on. All of the sudden, this structure will disappear and you will be at a loose end. This can be a bit scary but it won't last. Once you find work and a new routine, the same old feeling of structure will return - you can be sure of this.

I felt exactly the same way as the OP (and maybe I still do).

The idea of losing the protection (as a child), the idea of having to decide (almost) everything about my life by myself and the idea of having to face many unexpected changes were really scary. I think this tendency was particularly strong in me compared with in other people. And I think I felt like that because I don't have the skills that many others have, such as spontaneous decision making, social interaction etc.

Well it's been a long time since, and I'm still like a scared child in a way, but I actually live by myself in a foreign country. I still struggle in many ways, but I'm managing.

I think you will eventually feel more confident and less homesick once you find your way.

I remember my first night away at university. I cried the whole night. I missed my routine from home. But I soon built my new routine, and I incorporate pieces of my old routine in it. I have moved a lot since leaving universtiy. I have worked in 3 different cities in the UK, Texas and now I am working in Angola, Africa. The change is scary, but there are little things that can help.
I still build Lego models for fun, and read the same book once a year. All these little things let me know that although some things have changed, others are constant.

Sanctus, is it possible for you to, once you finish university, find a job in your field of work either in or near your old home village?
I can relate a bit because I grew up in a village here in the Netherlands, then moved to the second largest city in the country. But I have at times considered returning to my childhood village. Both my mother and I have had similar histories of 'starting out' at a certain place, than moving to a new town, and after a couple of years returning to our old hometown. I should say that the city I live in now, is my birth town, but I only lived there for the first 2 years of my life before moving to the village where I spent my childhood. My mother, meanwhile, spent the better chunk of her childhood in that same village, moved to the big city at the age of 19, then returned to the village when I was born (there's about 150 or so kilometres between our home village and this city). So there's a sense of 'you can always return home' to a certain extent. Yes, much has changed in my home village, I couldn't help but notice that, and time marches on mercilessly, but there are still a lot of points of recognition for me in my old village as well, so I feel as though I could always set up home over there if I wanted to... even if it means that I perhaps should find work in, I don't know, Nijmegen or Cuijk, several kilometres to the north.