A survey for NTs

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Background info: Some recent events have shaken my faith in humanity... I hope that I can learn more about WP's NTs through this survey. Thanks in advance. (To me, Aspies=people on the autism spectrum, NTs=people NOT on the autism spectrum)

1. What motivated you to join WP as a member in the first place?

2. Do you know any Aspies offline?

3. Are you comfortable with the term "NT"? Why? If you aren't, is there any other term that you prefer?

4. Based on your own experiences, what is the main cause of most conflicts between Aspies and NTs?

5. What is ONE thing that Aspies can do to reduce Aspie/NT conflicts?

6. What is ONE thing that NTs can do to reduce Aspie/NT conflicts?

7. Based on your own interactions with Aspies, what is ONE Aspie trait that you appreciate the most?

8. Based on your own interactions with Aspies? what is ONE Aspie trait that you hate the most?

9. Do you generally have an easy time or a hard time interpreting Aspies' words and actions? (Kindly elaborate if necessary.)

10. "Aspies tend to rely too heavily on the conscious mind but don't rely enough on their instincts." Do you agree with this statement?

11. Does any of the following motivate you?
- Beauty
- Competition
- Money
- Power
- Sex

12. In your opinion, should Aspies just be themselves or should Aspies imitate NTs whenever possible so that they can pass themselves off as NTs?

13. Give an example of something socially inappropriate that mustn't be said or done.

14. Give an example of an opinion that doesn't necessarily offend others but will offend you if mentioned.

15. Define what LOVE means to you.

16. Define what FRIENDSHIP means to you.

17. I dare say that I have some sort of "NT radar". Whenever I interact with people, my mind quickly and quietly compares them to a mental image of what NTs are supposedly like to determine whether they are NTs or not. Do you have some sort of "Aspie radar"?

18. In your opinion, does being mistreated by NTs in the past justify Aspies who make threats such as "an eye for an eye" against NTs?

19. Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert? Do you enjoy socialization?

20. In your opinion, is it easier for an Aspie to fit in with a group of NTs or easier for an NT to fit in with a group of Aspies. Why?

21. Do you guess how people might respond even before they respond to you during conversations?

I've made my partner answer your survey for you. He have an account, but he don't use it.

1. What motivated you to join WP as a member in the first place?
He has a username, but he doesn't use it. Mostly he reads threads over my shoulder. He says he finds people who have atypical neurology interesting, and as we're going out he thinks it's important to understand more about it.

2. Do you know any Aspies offline?
He knows me, and has a couple of friends, also his mother fostered some kids with ASDs (Also, probably his dad).

3. Are you comfortable with the term "NT"? Why? If you aren't, is there any other term that you prefer?
Yeah, he's cool with it, he just sees it as a way to distinguish between people whose brains work within typical patterns, and those who don't.

4. Based on your own experiences, what is the main cause of most conflicts between Aspies and NTs?
He says misunderstanding and misinterpretation of intent. Also lack of understanding about what ASDs are.

5. What is ONE thing that Aspies can do to reduce Aspie/NT conflicts?
Just explain to people exactly what things they have trouble with in social situations, e.g. irony or giving compliments, anxiety etc. etc.

6. What is ONE thing that NTs can do to reduce Aspie/NT conflicts?
Don't take everything so personally. Consider the spirit behind the words, rather than focusing on the exact phrasing.

7. Based on your own interactions with Aspies, what is ONE Aspie trait that you appreciate the most?
Straightforwardness, the knowledge that the persons not just telling him what he wants to hear, and when they ask a question that they really want to know the answer.

8. Based on your own interactions with Aspies? what is ONE Aspie trait that you hate the most?
Special interest monologues, for instance when I won't stop talking about The Sims franchise.

9. Do you generally have an easy time or a hard time interpreting Aspies' words and actions? (Kindly elaborate if necessary.)
Pretty easy now that he has a lot of experience with people who have ASDs, because the body language, and faint facial expressions are different but it's like learning another language, once you have the dictionary it's easy enough to understand.

10. "Aspies tend to rely too heavily on the conscious mind but don't rely enough on their instincts." Do you agree with this statement?
No, but he's a very scientific and rational person. (Also, as an aside, I'm not even sure I have 'instincts' that I could rely on. o.O)

11. Does any of the following motivate you?
- Beauty
- Competition
- Money
- Power
- Sex

Money and power.

12. In your opinion, should Aspies just be themselves or should Aspies imitate NTs whenever possible so that they can pass themselves off as NTs?
People with ASDs should just be themselves. Although while it is unfair, as it's a mostly NT world sometimes it's advantageous to try and "pass". However he really disagrees with the whole 'quiet hands', no-stimming-is-bad culture that's developed around ASDs. Also, NTs have to compromise too.

13. Give an example of something socially inappropriate that mustn't be said or done.
Generally don't comment on peoples weight, physical appearance, intellect. When talking about oneself, even if it's true, don't be really positive about yourself, because people will think you're stuck up and bragging. (Which is really hard for me to understand. x_x)

14. Give an example of an opinion that doesn't necessarily offend others but will offend you if mentioned.
'Blood is thicker than water', or any comments suggesting that adoptive family is inferior to birth families, because he's adopted, very happily adopted and it make him angry.

15. Define what LOVE means to you.
You'd miss them if they were dead. (Wtf? :S)

16. Define what FRIENDSHIP means to you.
Spending time with people who are not offensive to him and at least reasonably intelligent.

17. I dare say that I have some sort of "NT radar". Whenever I interact with people, my mind quickly and quietly compares them to a mental image of what NTs are supposedly like to determine whether they are NTs or not. Do you have some sort of "Aspie radar"?
He claims that he does. He's probably correct.

18. In your opinion, does being mistreated by NTs in the past justify Aspies who make threats such as "an eye for an eye" against NTs?
He says he can very much understand the anger at the way they've been treated and the way that, in general, society treats people with ASDs, and some anger is good. However, you don't have to forgive people who are mean to you, but you should judge others on an individual basis rather than as a monolith, and a little suspicion of people who you don't know well is healthy.

19. Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert? Do you enjoy socialization?
He is an introvert, he only has a small circle of friends but he enjoys socializing with them. He doesn't like large groups though, or noisy places (because he's hard of hearing).

20. In your opinion, is it easier for an Aspie to fit in with a group of NTs or easier for an NT to fit in with a group of Aspies. Why?
NTs in a group of ASDers because NTs are generally more socially flexible (or capable of it) particularly if they're outnumbered as they have a whole crowd pleaser mentality.

21. Do you guess how people might respond even before they respond to you during conversations?
He does, he quite often imagines whole conversations prior to their happening and he uses this information while having a conversation to guess what the other person wants to hear, or will say with a great degree of accuracy. He says it's useful to get people to like him, or to manipulate people.

Hopefully kind of useful?

My daughter is autistic.



I don't know if I know any adults. There are people who I think might possibly be, but there is no reason to ask them as there are not conflicts which need sorting out. Thus it isn't my business. My daughter goes to a school for autistic children so I've come to know some of her classmates.



Yes. Here is the only place I use it because here is the only place it is applicable. I use it for clarity.





Miscommunication, which is resolvable. But also a mismatch between needs which may not be resolvable, or may not be resolvable without complicated measures. If one person needs a schedule which is always adhered to but the other person needs the flexibility to do things as they arise, conflict is inevitable (just for example, other mismatches will also occur).



Leave the area if a meltdown seems imminent. Meltdowns are scary to see and can turn resovable conflicts into irresolvable ones.



Tailor communication with the Aspie. (example, not attempting small talk.)



Pedantry. I like things to be explained in detail. It helps me understand and I like/need lots of details.



Inflexability. Sometimes things don't go as expected and being inflexable just makes a bad situation worse.

I don't know. My IRL interactions are mainly with children and I can't tell if I've gotten things right or wrong. My interactions IRL with adults may be with people who are not Aspies at all and I'm wrongly guessing they are. Or maybe they really are.In any case, if there are things I'm getting wrong, it hasn't led to conflicts yet.


No. I do see people here attempting to analyze interactions which are instinctual for NTs. But as far as I can tell, this is because they either don't have those instincts or have no access to them. So relying on them is not an option.

It did long, long ago. But now I am middle aged and it doesn't anymore.

Somewhat. I am not a hugley competitive person and will not seek it out (for example by entering actual competitions). But if challanged I won't back down.


Somewhat. I don't actively seek to enrich myself but I also don't want to live in poverty and avoid it. Unsurprisingly I am middle class.

Not really. I don't want to give up the bit of power that I have which is just enough to maintain my own free agency but I don't actively seek it.



Not at my age. I was many years ago.


80% just be themselves, 20% imitate NTs- not whenever possible but just imitate the NT social conventions that smooth social interaction.




Don't say anything negative about a person who died at their funeral or to anybody who was close to them.



Don't say my hair looks terrible. I know it looks terrible but no matter what I do to it or how much I spend at hairdressers, I can't get it to look good.



It means I want things to work out for you and I will do whatever I can to make that happen.



It means I want to spend time with you.



I imagine that I do. But unless I get confirmation, it's just my imagination.



No. Everybody is an individual and deserves to be treated as such.



I'm an ambivert. I enjoy socializing but not at all times. Sometimes I need my alone time. Sometimes I need to be with others.



I don't think it's possible to make a generalization either way since it will be so situational. It depends on that specific Aspie and those specific NTs.



Yes. I base these guesses on past conversations with them and on their current body language. If I have never met them before, I base my guess on their clothes as a stand-in for past conversations. (People deliberately communicate with their clothes.)

I will start thus survey now and add to it later.

1) I joined to get a better understanding of my aspie godson when he entered puberty and took on some challenging attitudes.

2) Yes, I know a dozen or more folks who are on the spectrum. The majority are in my workplace.

3) Yes, I'm comfortable with the term NT; which I had not heard before joining WP. It was a relief to have a term aside from "normal" which seems to imply anything not normal is abnormal.

4) Most of the time when I find myself aggravated and I then examine what my issue is; the problem boils down to Theory of Mind issues.
The second most aggravating issue I've had with aspies is lying. They are lying out of self protection. Example; to cover a mistake at work. This is done even when the lie puts innocent co-workers into undeserved trouble. Not all my aspie co-workers function this way (it's the minority) but that minority is big enough to to be problematic.

5) I would appreciate it most if aspies took more personal responsibility for their own mistakes, especially in the workplace. Plus it would be nice if they recognized that aspies can have character issues just as NTs can.

I'll try and answer this,
but bear with me - English ist nor my first language.

1. What motivated you to join WP as a member in the first place?

My child is on the spectrum, so is one of my sibling's children (awkwardly phrased, I know, I wanted to be as neutral as possible)

2. Do you know any Aspies offline?

Only my child, some of my family members might be on the spectrum …
My sibling's child belongs to the group that used to be named 'Kanner'

3. Are you comfortable with the term "NT"? Why? If you aren't, is there any other term that you prefer?

When I joined, I spent the better part of three month checking out this forum, reading up on old threads etc (I like to be thorough). It's not so much the word itself, as the connotations it carries within this forum. Search 'NTs are' or 'neurotypicals are'. But I accept the term.


4. Based on your own experiences, what is the main cause of most conflicts between Aspies and NTs?

Based on my experience with my child - assumptions
Based on my reading threads in this forum - assumptions

5. What is ONE thing that Aspies can do to reduce Aspie/NT conflicts?

Don't assume, say clearly what needs to be said (be polite - there is more then one way to say the truth)

6. What is ONE thing that NTs can do to reduce Aspie/NT conflicts?

Don't assume, say clearly what needs to be said (be considerate of issues - there is more than one way to express the same meaning)

7. Based on your own interactions with Aspies, what is ONE Aspie trait that you appreciate the most?

Likes to think, likes to know

8. Based on your own interactions with Aspies? what is ONE Aspie trait that you hate the most?

Being judgmental - based on my forum-readings.
Relating everything to themselves - based on my experience in real life
And 'hate' is far to strong a word for everyday use ...

9. Do you generally have an easy time or a hard time interpreting Aspies' words and actions? (Kindly elaborate if necessary.)
I cannot give a valid answer

10. "Aspies tend to rely too heavily on the conscious mind but don't rely enough on their instincts." Do you agree with this statement?
I cannot give a valid answer


11. Does any of the following motivate you?
- Beauty
- Competition
- Money
- Power
- Sex

Motivate me to what? Sorry, I don' seem to understand this question.

12. In your opinion, should Aspies just be themselves or should Aspies imitate NTs whenever possible so that they can pass themselves off as NTs?

They should within limits be the way they are.
Within limits - because I, too, - as an NT - refrain from being the way I am depending on the situation I am in.
Politeness including even small talk is a great way to keep people at distance.

13. Give an example of something socially inappropriate that mustn't be said or done.

If someone tells you they have cancer - don't tell them 'we all have to die some day' .
That is stating the obvious at a very wrong moment.

14. Give an example of an opinion that doesn't necessarily offend others but will offend you if mentioned.

'Not all NTs are like that … I know ... ….'


15. Define what LOVE means to you.
I can't define love - but my partner and I celebrate our 30th this year - if we don't forget about it, which is very probable

16. Define what FRIENDSHIP means to you.
Depends - there's loose and close friendship. Friends are people I feel comfortable with and they with me. They are not copies of me and my interests or opinions.

17. I dare say that I have some sort of "NT radar". Whenever I interact with people, my mind quickly and quietly compares them to a mental image of what NTs are supposedly like to determine whether they are NTs or not. Do you have some sort of "Aspie radar"?

No, I don't know what Aspies are supposedly like.

18. In your opinion, does being mistreated by NTs in the past justify Aspies who make threats such as "an eye for an eye" against NTs?

An 'eye for an eye' against those who did the mistreating?
Or against random people I assume not to be in my own group?
Along the lines of 'I was a random victim, why shouldn't they be'?

For me the thought of treating people I assume to be members of a 'not-me-group' badly because someone or a couple of people, who I assume to be of the same 'not-me-group', treated me badly in the past, is highly offensive both to my intellect and to my feeling of what is right.
And wouldn' it come close to say an Aspie did this terrible thing x, therefore all Aspies to do x?

19. Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert? Do you enjoy socialization?
Depends - I have a job to do, children to bring up, a household to run. I don't need to find my place in a community, because I've already done so. My friends have their lives along more or less the same lines … I'm more of an introvert these days and I used to be shy when I was young.

20. In your opinion, is it easier for an Aspie to fit in with a group of NTs or easier for an NT to fit in with a group of Aspies. Why?
I cannot give a valid answer

21. Do you guess how people might respond even before they respond to you during conversations?
Depends an who I am talking to - and I try not to assume.
[i]

Originally 'cause I was dating an Aspie. I've since broken up with him, but my Aspie ex and others in my life have brought up that I have some traits myself, and I came back as I tried to understand that better. I've since concluded that I'm not autistic since I never had any of the non-social symptoms I've read about to a significant degree, but probably had what will soon be called Social Communication Disorder as a kid (which by definition is not on the autism spectrum although people debate about whether it should be). So I'm not quite your classic NT, but I'm not an Aspie or autistic either.



Only my ex and the graduate student of a colleague, that I know of.



It's ok, but I like "allistic" better because of what people point out that not all non-autistic people are necessarily completely neurologically typical.



Probably mostly same things that cause conflict between two NTs (being annoyed with each other's habits, having incompatible dreams or opinions, not trusting each other enough, etc.) The social problems of Aspies might add an extra layer to this in that it's harder for them to make a good first impression on NTs or delay a conflict via tact, causing conflicts to start a little earlier.



Stay calm if a conflict does begin. My ex's panic mode tended to escalate conflicts, not just with me but with my more classically NT family members.



Be both direct and kind at the same time. The Aspie is likely to get nervous or even angry at perceived cruelty, yet is likely be oblivious to the nature of the conflict if the reason for it is not stated outwardly.



I really like the lack of social games. Being a somewhat atypical non-autistic, I'm not great at them myself, and I love the opportunity to get into an interesting, serious discussion right away.



I'm not sure if this is typical of Aspies, but my ex's propensity to panic or get emotionally overloaded very easily was frustrating, because conflicts couldn't be dealt with any further and were often escalated (a mistake I would commonly indulge in) until he calmed down, and it took him a while.



I'd say an easy time. They say what they mean and mean what they say, and I don't interpret their tactlessness as aggression (because it took me a while to realize myself that most people interpret tactlessness as aggression).



Not quite, because I think the issue is that they don't develop their instincts in the same way as others, so if they did try to rely on them it might end up a bigger mistake than relying on their conscious mind. When my ex refused to do certain nice things for me or others until pressed to, he was relying on instincts, and it was not a good thing.


- Beauty - no
- Competition - actually I tend to avoid it because it brings out some of the worst in me.
- Money - Not much
- Power - Over myself, not so much over others.
- Sex - a little



I'd say that while alone or among the people they're closest to, they should be themselves while also taking into account the feelings of those they're closest to as best they can. In formal situations, they might be better imitating NTs as best they can in the short term, to avoid bad first impressions and unnecessary conflicts, although in the long term (e.g. work) I understand this could be very hard, and the culture could use to be more Aspie-friendly as well.



Um...this might be trivial, but apparently calling someone (especially a woman) old or fat to their face in any way is a big no-no for most people. I, for one, openly admit to being what some people would consider old and fat and hate how it's so taboo in society.



Um...I tend to either find jokes about marginalized groups of people not funny or feel conflicted about laughing at them. This includes people with neurological differences, non-white races, non-European ethnicities, women (well, I'm one myself), heavyset people, elderly people, poor people (though I've said foolish things about them myself), LGBT people, and so on.



When you really care about someone else's needs, and they care about yours, and you can work really well together and support each other.



Consistent mutual enjoyment of each other's company, and for closer friendships, some of the love stuff seeps in too.



No radar either way here. Although people I end up getting along with especially well are often a little "different" themselves. (They don't have to be Aspies. Just different.)



No. Escalating conflict may provide short-term gratification but usually screws things up in the long term, whether it's love or war or anything in between.



I think I'm a little more introverted by nature but not strongly either. I feel I'm as happy alone as in good company, but I tend not to actively seek out or "need" lots of company.



I think it would be equally easy for either case as long as the group interaction is centered around shared interests. Otherwise, the Aspie might have trouble with the NTs because they're less likely to know how to pull off the small talk thing. Not sure of NTs in a group of Aspies...if the group of Aspies steered things in the direction of common interests, the NT would be fine as long as the Aspie didn't say anything inadvertently offensive.



Sometimes, and when I do, I'll often modify what I say based on the predicted response. I think I learned it later than other NTs/allistics, though, because I've had plenty of bad experiences resulting from not doing this.