What is your meaning of "feel lonely"?

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chamthabo
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21 Jan 2013, 10:56 am

I'm not so good in English, but I want to discuss this topic.


I think the meaning of "feel lonely" for NTs might be "I don't want to be alone. I need someone to talk with."
But I think I never have "felt lonely" in this meaning.
I can obsess with my interesting subject for very long time while many NTs want somebody to do an activity with them all the time and "feel lonely" when they are alone for too long time.
When I am alone for too long time (my longest is 2 days), I only want someone to talk with a little bit or else I feel my mouth hasn't be used for too longtime and need a little exercise. I sometime go to any near store just for asking store's owner about some stuff in his store, buy some stuff, and go back to be alone again.

For now, I'm not often alone like in the past. I can talk with people a little better and always try it when I can, but I still never have "felt lonely" in this meaning.

What is your meaning of "feel lonely"? For me, it's just something I still wonder what it feel like.



ChosenOfChaos
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21 Jan 2013, 11:26 am

'Feeling lonely' for me rarely has anything to do with wanting to talk. In fact, trying to start a conversation when I'm lonely usual has me sounding more awkward than ever. For me it just has to do with needing to be in someone else's presence - not directly interacting, but in the same room. Such as my sitting on the couch reading a book while my husband plays a video game from the other end of the couch.



Martian_Child
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21 Jan 2013, 11:29 am

I used to be pretty lonely, having no friends at school and all, but now I've gotten used to it and I always stick to myself. I preoccupy myself with my interests and I no longer feel that empty void that I used to have when I didn't have anyone to speak to. I'm pretty sure it's disappeared altogether. A lot of people think that me having no friends is unhealthy, like my parents, who push me into social environments that I don't want to be in. To be a good sport I tried to convert having friends into something actually interesting. I made a 2-column chart with one column labeled "Social Relationships" and the other labeled "Introversion", and I add a point to each one when I feel that either column has supported me in any way. So far, Social Relationships is winning. :?
But if I go one day without seeing my pets, I WILL go crazy! :lol: I'm so worried that I won't be able to bring my 2 ferrets and my cat to college with me. Haha.



faithfilly
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21 Jan 2013, 11:51 am

I'd described 'feeling lonely' as feeling alone due to not having another person who can or will connect with what I'm feeling. It's easy to not feel lonely when having someone else to share your feelings... even if it's just for a brief moment over something seemingly trifle.

I spent most of my life battling extreme loneliness, but now I realize God allowed it so that I would learn how to draw closer to Him and trust Him to supply all my needs. On rare occasions, He provided a person for me to 'connect' with, but only when I didn't expect one.



Joe90
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21 Jan 2013, 12:52 pm

I've always known what the feeling of loneliness was, even when I was as young as 4. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 I had a really big operation and had 2 weeks off school to recover, and I said to my mum that I was beginning to feel lonely, as in missing having social contact with other children.

I got lonely when I was a teenager too. I used to get so lonely that I got really angry and upset about it, and I began taking it personally, which is now why I have reached adulthood hating myself and thinking I'm worthless.

I'm not so lonely now, since I have improved social skills, but I still feel lonely sometimes, thinking I should have more friends than I have. Also having loads of people like relatives around you that all have more friends than you to go out and do things with also makes you feel terribly lonely and unwanted.


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21 Jan 2013, 1:03 pm

If there is one thing being lonely DOESN'T mean to me, it's actually being alone. Being lonely is when I feel worried or upset about something and there is no one for me to talk too. Or if there's something really good I want to talk, about and there's no one to talk to. I actually LOVE talking. :wink: But the rest of the time being alone doesn't bother me. I can indulge in my interests, hobbies, activities and even my responsibilities without distractions or interruptions. If I have supper ready at 6 pm instead of the usual 5, no one will complain and the meal will still be just as tasty. If I wait until the next day to wash dishes left over from supper no one will tell me do do them right afterwards. helps to conserve hot water. If I decide to eat cookies for breakfast no one will tell me I shouldn't. If I want to spend the afternoon playing computer games or watching YouTube no one will nag me to get out and get some fresh air...except myself occasionally. But on bad days, especially nights, when I don't have anyone to talk to and even if I did they wouldn't want to see me this way because it makes THEM upset it's better that I come and have a moan on this site. :)



kamiyu910
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21 Jan 2013, 1:19 pm

Being lonely... I know I feel lonely a lot, but I think I just want to observe people having an intelligent conversation. Sometimes I just like having a person nearby. I do like having someone to go places with me, mainly just for comfort or a familiar feeling.


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Ettina
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21 Jan 2013, 1:22 pm

Feeling lonely, for me, usually means 'I want to monologue about my interests but no one is around/willing to listen.'



Ettina
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21 Jan 2013, 1:23 pm

Quote:
I spent most of my life battling extreme loneliness, but now I realize God allowed it so that I would learn how to draw closer to Him and trust Him to supply all my needs.


Your God sounds like a controlling jerk.

Seriously, if it was a romantic partner described as acting that way, they'd be an abuser.



Marybird
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21 Jan 2013, 1:54 pm

Actually, I'm not sure how to describe what loneliness is for me, but reading an interesting book or watching a good movie or documentary or posting on a talk forum makes me feel connected and not lonely. Isolation doesn't bother me at all. I don't mind being around people when I don't have to interact with them and don't feel pressured to interact. Except for family, because I know them well. Usually I can't relate to people and don't know what they're talking about, like when cashiers in grocery stores ask me questions like how I am recuperating from the holidays, or how was my weekend. I just draw a blank.



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21 Jan 2013, 2:02 pm

Being in a room full of people that would have no understanding at all if I told them what was actually on my mind, instead of things I think they'd like to talk about...A lot of times with family members or people in general I miss half the conversation because I am just automatically responding with other stuff on my mind then I realize I've missed most of what they said and play along like I heard all...sometimes I don't see how people don't catch on or maybe they do and don't say anything.


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21 Jan 2013, 2:16 pm

For me, it means having a lack of support when I need it. I can be by myself for a long time with no problems, but if something does arise where I need an (understanding) ear to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, I can't seem to go too long without them.



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21 Jan 2013, 2:22 pm

English is not my first language either but that should not stop us from posting here.

I can spend an enormous amount of time all by myself without feeling lonely.
I do feel lonely when I am with other people sometimes. I have a difficult time when it comes connecting with others and I have often heard from other people that it is quite hard for them to make contact with me. Feeling lonely when you are amidst a group of people is the worst form of loneliness I have ever experienced and I have to admit that this happens to me quite often. Since I am a lazy bum and a coward who doesn't like to go through the trouble of confronting myself I tend to avoid these situations as much as I can which is something I do not recommend to others because it doesn't make things better in the long run.



1000Knives
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21 Jan 2013, 6:13 pm

Hard for me to verbalize these sorta things, but this song kinda describes one way I feel when lonely.
[youtube]www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTnVuY5JVP4[/youtube]

This is how I feel on a daily basis interacting with others.
Image



Si_82
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21 Jan 2013, 8:04 pm

The lonliest I think I have ever been is when I was deeply depressed as a teenager. I didn't understand AS but was becoming more and more aware that I was something different to normal people - by my reasoning, some kind of broken thing with parts missing. I felt like I could not relate what I was going through to a single other human being and I ended up suffering for years with self-harm, self-loathing, suicide attempts and emotions I could not understand or deal with. All the time I did whatever I could to keep it to myself. I thought that, if it made no proper sense to me, then how on earth could I expect to explain it to anyone else. I was also embarresed, I felt ashamed of whatever this thing was, I just wanted to be normal and I thought that if I spoke to people about what I was feeling, I would end up sectioned or who knows what.

These days I have been quite a bit more stable but it has obviously been quite an upheaval discovering that all those thoughts were based on something real - something with a name and a diagnosis. For me I think lonelyness is knowing that people around you, even those that care about you, will likely never properly understand you.

I don't mean to be so down but they question was about lonliness.


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21 Jan 2013, 9:09 pm

For a very long time I thought 'lonely' meant being frightened and feeling unsafe because you are in a situation where help is unavailable (assuming something bad happens). For instance, let's say I'm driving in my car and the motor dies. I am stuck on the side of the road and have to call and wait for a tow truck to come help me. I would feel 'lonely' in that situation as I feel I have limited control over what is happening and feel unsafe. Sort of betrayed, in a way, that my mode of transportation, that I rely on to be dependable, has failed.

I have been told that this isn't the NT definition or common usage of the word. NT "lonely" is some sort of sadness associated with limited or no access to companionship and friendly socialization. I don't believe I've ever experienced an emotion quite like that.