Did your parents try to "protect" you?

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The funny thing is as a late teen/early twenty something when I was finally giving my full effort to faking and passing in society my parents had a way they seemed to want to "protect" me. It really felt like nasty possessiveness to me and gave me a bit of a chip on my shoulder.

Basically I was "ret*d" and damaged mentally and I was somehow going to get in trouble or be manipulated because of this in their eyes.

My mom would tell clients if they knew I was ret*d, she asked my wife if she knew I was ret*d or if I had fooled her. I would just tell them my mom was whacko and I was so good at passing by this point they believed me (not that my mom isn't a whacko, yes thats medical terminology there lol).

I found it annoying as hell because on one hand they would scream at me my whole life about how I was just going to be sitting in my bedroom playing videogames until I was thirty, BUT then when I made moves to become independent they were afraid the big bad world was full of nasty people who were going to victimize me and manipulate me. Really nothing I could do could convince them I could take care of myself.

When I finally told my wife about being autistic she told me about a half sister she had who was supposed to be "ret*d" and receiving the local version of SSI, who had taken off and was being looked for. She said the half sister had all of a sudden at almost age thirty decided she wanted a boyfriend and job and had been shocking everyone with her amazing progress. But they wanted her back because she was "ret*d" and was going to be taken advantage of without them there to protect her and keep her in cage basically. I told her her half sister was probably autistic.

I was wondering if anyone else had dealt with this issue?

Protect me? They nearly killed me!

If violence can be considered protection, then yes.

OP: am so sorry you've had to experience this. I feel that this is a very damaging view for people in your life to hold. If you want to be independent, so be it. Making mistakes while getting on your feet is a part of life. Just because you have a label doesn't mean that you have to let other people define your life around it and make assumptions about your capabilities that aren't true.

My parents were never overprotective and just let me experience life on my terms, but I don't see this attitude often with the people on the spectrum I know. Your scenario is more common than you may think, as I know many people with AS who are very restrained by their parents, who have brainwashed them into thinking that the world is more dangerous than it really is. It's not letting them grow, take risks, and develop as individuals.

My grandmother was very protective of me as a child. She constantly lectured me about not acting "ret*d;" this was back in the 80's before there was anything technically wrong with me. I was always coached very carefully in how to behave, what to say, what to wear (not that her ideals of dress and grooming mirrored my peers' in any way-- much more old-fashioned), who to associate with.

She made all my phone calls and did all the talking to doctors, teachers, school counselors, whatever. I might mess it up.

I was 12 years old when I finally started getting up before her to shower, because I had started growing pubic hair and didn't want to listen to Granny remind me to wash my vagina any more.

My dad took an approach much more like the one anneurysm describes. I appreciated it at the time; looking back, I realize it is probably a lot of what gave me the confidence to make the irresponsible choices I did and ruin any shot I had at peace and happiness while also being a detriment to the lives of others and bringing innocent, beautiful, f**ked-up kids into the world.

I am, at this point, planning on presenting myself and raising my kids in much the same style as the OPs mom. It's not very nice, I suppose, and I can certainly understand how it would be resented to the ends of the earth, but I do believe it is for the best.

I will not keep them caged. They will certainly be encouraged to find work and possibly to move out. I may or may not discourage them from having recreational social contacts-- the rule right now is that my near-perfect 11-year-old daughter may visit friends' houses (though there haven't been any invitations) if adults are continuously present and attend chaperoned birthday parties at public locations without my direct supervision.

My hyperactive 5-year-old son may attend birthday parties at public locations with our close parental supervision and play with other children at public parks if there is no running, shouting, or rough play involved. The younger girls, so far, are too small for socializing outside the circle of family and the few friends DH and I have.

I do not visit the homes of strangers. Strangers are not permitted to visit our home for any social reason at any time whatsoever.

None of them will be encouraged to marry, and all of them are being discouraged from having children in the strongest acceptable terms. That pains me-- I actually like my kids, and would love to see what kind of children they might produce. However, it was a failure of judgment on my part that allowed my genetic information to be perpetuated; I do not intend to smile upon that information being passed down to an additional generation.

If I could have them all involuntarily sterilized, I would strongly consider it. For their good, for the protection of my wouldn't-be grandchildren, and for the good of the planet and the species as a whole. That's why I'm glad I can't have it done-- I do not truly believe that I am wrong, but I do from time to time entertain the possibility.

I do not care for these measures. I think they breed resentment and rebellion, but I do believe that I am safeguarding my family from intrusion, stigma, ridicule, and harassment.

Please try to have some compassion for your respective parents. They were in all probability doing the best they could with the resources they had.

My parents are too overprotective of me too. I am meeting a man tomorrow, and yes he may be older than me, and yes it may look wrong but I prefer an older man to a youngster, and I want to meet him and see where it goes. We may get on, we may not, and if you don't try some of these things in life then life is pretty dull. OK it may be risky, and it may cause concern, but my mum is going way over the top about this. She's been acting really miserable all week, instead of trying to give me some inspiration and encouragement of meeting this man. I said she can meet him too when he comes, but then she says she can't because she don't know what to say to him.

I know it's nice to feel protected but it does get on my nerves sometimes. It's now making me feel guilty meeting him because I don't like my mum feeling this stressed. We have had frequent arguments all week, and I've tried to sit down and talk to her calmly, but it just goes round and round in circles. She's got to understand that you can't be behind your children forever. I am 23 now, and if I want to meet a man then it's up to me. If I didn't fancy him and didn't want to meet him then I would say so to him. I have said that before to a man who asked me out for a drink and I didn't fancy him at all, and I didn't really want to have a drink with him. So it's not like I'm stupid enough to go out with any man that asks me out. I want to do this.

What OP describes sounds very harsh and I certainly didn't suffer that degree of 'protection' but my parents, like many well-meaning folks, are of the view that labels are negative and would hinder me as I grew up. That may or may not be the case. I was never officially diagnosed although AS was suggested by educational physiologists who I visited for years due to my various issues. I can sort of see the logic behind the 'labels are bad' attitude but growing up knowing something was seriously wrong with me but not really understanding what or why was tough and led to teenage depression habitual self-harm and suicide attempts. I can't help but feel that a lot of that could have been avoided if I understood myself better. I suspect they thought I might just get over it but at 31 it does not seem to work that way.

My parents did not try to protect me. They were not very understanding or kind They were always telling me there was something wrong with me. I was severely punished for doing nothing but staying in my room alone and not acting like other teenagers. I was being good, I didn't understand why they were so angry. They are dead now and I miss them. I feel like they never really knew me, but were always making false assumptions about me.

I wish I had parent like that in a way and also glad I didn't

My mum was always off working or doing charity work so had no real time to help me in much of anything .

My drunk of a step dad just think I was on drugs all the time.

Didn't really see much of my real dad.

When it comes to labels I would much rather have one. Without one you just feel weird for no season. It's not about the label
It's self to me , It's what that label represents and that is " why " I have been on a search for why's since birth, not just for why
I am the the way I am but in everything . Before I can learn how something works I need to know why it works There just seems so much more to be gained from why rather than how.
Makes me think of the saying "teach a man to fish" If he didn't know why he was learning to fish ( In the incredibly unlikely event he did not know you can eat fish ) He may just no bother learning. I feel like that all time when trying to learn something new ,I don't know fish is food
and need someone to tell me " you can eat the damn fish " (if this makes sense As I often don't)

My mother was overprotective in ways that didn't help and not at all helpful in ways that I needed help.

My parents tried their damedest to protect me from carrying a "label" for the rest of my life and one of them wanted to put me out on the street when I reached 18, yet like the poster who mentioned the "teach a man to fish" quote, failed to instruct me on the how-and-why, hoping it would just come naturally to me. In any case though fish is food I dislike eating it. If someone would have explained that I could perhaps sell the fish and use that money to buy a pizza, things might be different