Aspies Being scared and hugging

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My mom said when I was young I liked being scared by my dad. My dad is nice and funny. however, I do not like being scared by anyone else but my dad. Also when I was younger I was very demonstrative and hugged people, although I am very uncomfortable if somebody comes up to me and grabbed me. I don't like things touching my skin and tight embraces. It feels like they might strangle me. Also about hugging, I can give people hugs but only when I want to. I have to prepare myself when someone tries to hug me. Any thoughts on this?

I don't have many thoughts other than to say I am similar with the hugs.

I love hugs and cuddles but only if I initiate them or am prepared for them.

As a kid I stopped "enjoying" hugs when I understood the nature of deception (about 5 years old). That's also when I started pretending to pray (I would count time in my head in church. A savant in that manner, I can always tell what time it is without a clock, even if I'm piss drunk or awaken in the middle of the night). It wasn't until I joined a dance ensemble after my post suicide attempt hospitalization, that I got more accustomed to physical closeness in that respect (everyone was hugging there, males and females would dress and undress in close spaces. Relatively low degree of intimacy altogether, since during a performance you often have mere minutes to change into another costume and people have to help each other out as best as they can). This helped to desensitize me to unexpected proximity of other people. I still find it uneasy though, as I'm not always certain what the underlying purpose of the hug is.

Don't know what to say about the scaring thing, but I like hugs, not from stragers though and I like to hug HARD and only like HARD hugs being given to me. Though I surpriced my family a few months back. It was late at night and we where living denny's. A girl walked i and said its my birthday who wants to give me a hug! and I did.

My gf was like O,O!! ! you hugged a stranger!?

She asked and I sort of reacted. I gave her a big hard hug and she hugged me back tight. It was actually pretty cool.

When I was a kid, I never liked hugging strangers or just random people. It was repulsive and uncomfortable. It was never for sensory reasons though. I enjoy hugging and cuddling someone special though.

I hated hugs as a kid but yet I loved to be held or cuddled and rubbed, I also liked hugging other people but yet I didn't like receiving them. I guess I had to be in control.