Do I have AS? PDD-NOS? Or what?

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I've come to this forum because I knew I'm not an NT (I have ADHD, the combined type) and because I had noticed both in me and in my dad some Aspie traits. I was surprised to recognize myself in so many of the experiences shared by many users in here. When I joined, I wasn't convinced I could be an Aspie, although I'm definitely part of the BAP (broad autistic phenotype). But now, I just don't know what to think of myself...

Aspie traits I have:

- I stim a lot (rocking, fidgeting, pacing);
- I have special interests, which I get extremely obsessed with (I tend to drive people off the wall by talking about them all the time);
- I have some sensory issues, not serious though (synesthesia: sound-color, sound-touch, color-touch; a very low threshold for pain; there are some kinds of touch I cannot stand, e.g. human sculpture exercises are tortuous for me);
- I am socially awkward, do not understand social cues and take things literally (although I do understand literary metaphors);
- I do not interact well at a group level, group dynamics are elusive to me;
- I have been very isolated as a kid and as teen, as the skills required to make friends seemed impossible to even grasp at a conceptual level;
- I am faceblind;
- I need to spend a lot of time alone and I love being on my own;
- I've never been interested in dating, although I do have a few friends now, which I dearly love;
- I am a very logical thinker and I have been told that I have a tendency to over-analyze and over-intelectualize (although I also am a very emotional person).

I'm a visual-spatial learner. My thoughts are actually images. Stories are played out like movies in my mind, as I read or listen to them. When I hear a word, I visualize its image in front of my eyes. I write stories and I vividly visualize them, as in a dream-world. It's an inner world in which I often retire...

But I do have a good theory of mind and I'm very empathetic. I can read body language, but I had to learn to do so and I do it by means of cognitive appraisal, not intuition. As I mentioned in my other thread about ToM, I didn't always have a good theory of mind, but I improved it during the years. Empathy has always been at a satisfactorily good level all my life though...

I also feel deep attachment to the people I love. I love my family and my friends and I enjoy affectionate physical contact with them. However, as much as I love them, I do not want to spend all my time with them - I do need to spend most of my time alone and pursuing my special interests...

Although I like to interact with people, that gets me so tired. So horribly tired. I need to be alone to recharge my batteries. When I push my limits, I always get into a very unpleasant state of exhaustion, in which I'm unable to maintain whatever social facade I've got and tend to lose many skills. It fits the description the autistic burnout to a tee. When I'm tired, I act in a more autistic way, which gets noticed by people, who are very puzzled by it.

I do not have problems in regards to eye contact. I've learned in therapy school to mirror the posture of those I'm interacting with, but when I'm with close friends and I'm more relaxed, I tend to lose the eye contact. When I'm in stressful situations, such as an oral exam, I also tend to avoid eye contact, else I find it hard to focus on what I'm saying...

People who interact with me might not believe I'm not an NT, but I always feel like I'm fooling them. I feel there's something different about me, that I'm not like them. I only feel at home here and on an ADHD forum...

So what do you think? Can I have AS or PDD-NOS? If not, then what can I be? I feel I cannot find peace of mind until I find an answer to this question...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

AS

You sound like a combination of me and my son. We both definitely have ADD. He also has an official diagnosis of NVLD, which in him sometimes seems like "Aspie Lite" He is not fully on the spectrum, but he's got at least one foot firmly planted. Whatever he has, it is not garden variety ADHD.

It does seem to me that there is a certain type of ADHD which has a larger overlap with spectrummy stuff. My kid's neuro thinks that ADHD and ASD are both part of a broader spectrum. I think ADHD, ASD, OCD, and TS are all part of an even broader spectrum. So I think some of us just float around in the pool.

I do share a lot of traits with people on the spectrum and I seem to have a more intuitive understanding of what being on the spectrum is all about than your average NT, or so I have been told my people with AS/ASD who "know" me well. I think the bottom line regarding why I would never say I am anything more than a shadow is because I'd consider myself barely impaired as opposed to impaired. Yes, I struggle. Yes, certain things definitely seem harder to me than they appear to be for the majority of the universe. And yes, some of these things effect my life, my job, etc. But not to the extent that they effect the lives of people squarely on the spectrum. I enjoy the company of Aspies and Auties, but I think we are only cousins.

Happy to share a broader space, though. Always interesting, intriguing, and stimulating. And it's nice to not have to always pretend to be normal. It's nice to be around people who don't find the things I spend energy suppressing from the view of "normal people" to be anything of concern. And it's always nice when you share something that you think makes you a freak and a dozen people stand up and say "OH! ME TOO!"

Why do you need an exact diagnosis? What you wrote sounds like a mild form of ASD to me, it could be AS or PDD-NOS, the difference does not really matter. What matters is that whether you whould qualify for services with an ASD dx rather than with an ADHD.

I don't get much help through my insurance here where I live, and I'm dx'd with PDD-NOS.

Thanks to everybody for your replies.

The reason why it matters so much to me to be able to put a label on myself is the fact I want to understand the way I behave and why I'm unable to just live as the NTs do. It doesn't matter whether it's AS or PDD-NOS, there's not much of a difference really. What I'm interested in is whether I am on the spectrum or not...

I'm sick of people around me telling me that I should just get my act together and behave like everybody else. My family thinks I'm an NT and have NT-like expectations from me, which I'm unable to fulfill, the whole situation leading to endless fights and conflicts. Of course, I have felt very guilty for years, before I learned about AS and ADHD. When I found out about ADHD, I stopped feeling so guilty and I understood I wasn't just lazy, but impaired by the said condition. If I became sure I have a mild case of AS or PDD-NOS, I'd stop feeling guilty for stimming and for not managing to become an exquisite social being...

I'd also be able to understand what my limitations and strengths are. As an example, I never knew about the autistic burnout issue, so I always pushed myself beyond my limits, thinking this is the way to go; I didn't know I was at risk to go into burnout, so when it happened, I was totally unprepared and never understood what had befallen me. Neither did my therapist. I also didn't understand why I acted the way I did when I went into burnout. Now that I know about it, I can take steps to prevent it - I sure don't want to go through that again.

Last but not least, if I knew I have AS or PDD-NOS, I'd be able to know exactly WHY I have felt so different from everybody else for all these years...

To be honest, I'm so relieved that all of you have confirmed the possibility for me to have AS or PDD-NOS. If you told me there's no way I could be on the spectrum and that I must be an NT, I would be totally confused. It just doesn't make sense to be NT and have this kind of impairments, so I'd be left wondering what could be wrong with me...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

If you want to be sure about what you have, the best way is to seek a professional opinion (aka dx). I'm sure there are autism centers in Romania, too. I was assessed by a foundation that is a contracted partner of the local NHS so part of my diagnosis was covered by my insurance, I didn't have to pay for it an amount I couldn't afford. It is important to provide information about your childhood because autistic behavior must be present in early age. Ideally parent(s), school records, medical records, and maybe one of your teachers would be a great help.

It is also important to know that all professional opinions are no more than opinions. All autistics have different combinations of traits at different severity levels, so even with the most professional psychologists and psychiatrist there's a slight chance that they miss something important from the picture and misdiagnose you. Eventually, you know yourself the best, and after a thorough research and participation on forums like WP you'll know, perhaps even better than anyone else.

Can you not just accept that you are not wired like a typical person and then move forward with understanding how you are wired, without a label? If you feel this large of a discrepancy between your experience and that of the typical person, then I think it would be safe to assume that you are not typically wired. What label you slap on it is meaningless unless it gets you services or support, IMHO. Labels are man-made. They are not infallible and they are not all-encompassing. They can be handed out incorrectly, and denied to people who do--in fact--have the underlying condition that they are assumed to describe.

I am not like everyone else. My kids are not like everyone else. I am not sure there is an existing label that truly fits any of us 100%. My kids have the labels they need to get support at school, but I would not say that either of them typify their diagnoses. So I just pick the parts of ASD that work, the parts from ADHD that work, the parts from SPD that work, and any other thing I have uncovered.

And that seems to work.

Could you do something similar? Just acknowledge that you are unique and go from there?

This thread has really helped me a lot. I think I really needed some confirmation from people in here that I am not deluded and that, in fact, I'm either on the spectrum or very close to its borders. More precisely, that I'm not an NT.

Unfortunately, getting a diagnosis as an adult is very difficult as an adult in my country. I will try to seek a professional opinion however.

I have been more at peace with myself after discussing this with you. And I finally allowed myself to make my non-NT needs a priority, instead of struggling hard to put up an NT facade and heading towards an unavoidable burnout...

So: thanks again to all of you.

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

Perhaps he feels better to have an EXACT terminology? This may be a common ASD trait. I generally like precise dxs. However, Life is actually sloppy and does not care what we want..
Sometimes definite knowing can be a comfort!

Sincerely,
Matthew

you sound aspie to me... there are tests online. just write in the search box "am i an aspie". i found two excellent tests.
do you have a very developed sense and an under developed one? like i have a terrible sense of smell and very developed sense of taste.

You sound just like me. While I haven't been formally diagnosed AS, at this point there is absolutely no doubt that I have it. Not only do I score off the charts in every on-line Aspie test but co-workers with experience in mental health told me that they strongly suspected it as well and just didn't want to mention it for professional reasons. Even those who don't know what Aspergers is ask if I have mild Autism so it's pretty obvious I'm on the spectrum. Bottom line is that it's pointless to get diagnosed except to confirm what I already know. Since little can be done and there is absolutely no help available for adults with HFA/AS, it's a waste of time and money unless services/accommodations are offered.

The on-line tests I've taken suggested that I'm firmly on the BAP (broad autistic phenotype) and that I might be an Aspie. When I took the Aspie-quiz at the rdos.net site, I scored fairly high on both the Aspie and the NT scales. The result was something along the lines of: might be an Aspie possessing both Aspie and NT traits. However, I've noticed that I gave certain answers to some questions (that were scored as NT traits) due to the fact that I have ADHD. If the test didn't account for co-morbidity with ADHD (which I guess it didn't), the results might have been skewed so as to look more NT.

I'm sure I must have some NT traits. However, what really is at stake here is the way my brain works. And it doesn't work like those of NTs. This I get to see, time and again. But it sure looks like it works similar to the way your brains do (judging by what I read here).

@Matt62: Wow, I never thought about it this way, that wanting to have an exact label may be part of my AS make-up... That makes so much sense. I have a friend who also suspects that she might be an Aspie (unsurprisingly, she's the only person that is able to understand my quirks and actually has similar ones herself). She took the same tests, which indicate she might be an Aspie (scored even higher than I did) and she has even less NT traits than I do, but she managed to compensate very well for her impairments. Due to that, getting a Dx is difficult for her. She's very upset about not getting a label and we've talked a lot about how much we desire knowing exactly what's up with us. Must be an Aspie thing indeed...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

Well, actually its just an enhancement of the general human trait to categorize..
Everything. LOL But this actually does seem true about most people here. The AS people with formal medical dxs tend to be a bit exclusive from those who WIll NOT/Have NOt gotten any formal word. Even more so to those who self dx. Again though, these do seem like traits we share.
My only "Real" DX was Childhood Schizophrenia which my parents never accepted. That is actually classical Autism btw. I score absurdly high on most AS/ASD tests here as well.
I have done the learning how to "Act Normal" thing like ALL the other old timers here, but I do agree, its VERY tiring to do it. However, I do like keeping my employment.

Sincerely,
Matthew

Since the previous results of the Aspie-quiz are saved on another computer, I took the test again. Now these are my results:

Your Aspie score: 128 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie.

They seem slightly more autistic than the last time I took it (a few months ago). Maybe it's because I'm burnt out right now and I've let go more of the NT facade...

Funny thing is that I had my father take the test too and he scored lower on the AS scale and higher on the NT scale. I find it strange, because he is the one who looks more autistic. Unlike me, he tends to avoid eye contact and has a poor ToM. But he may be more NT in regards to social interaction; he doesn't like to interact with people much, but he can be charming and outgoing when he does. I enjoy meeting people and interacting with them and I have more friends than he does, but that is draining to me and I am way more socially awkward than him...

Keeping up the facade is horribly exhausting. I mean, Matt62, I really admire you for being able to keep it up for years and years and keeping a job due to it. I haven't even started working and I am totally burnt out after college and the master studies...

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

I have PDD-NOS, but My diagnosis is, Atypical PDD-NOS with Aspergers traits.

I was once diagnosed with Severe Autism with Developmental Delays, then I broke my delays (Started to talk and my skills started to gain alot of skills, except for social.) When I was 5 1/2 years old, I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. My IQ Level when I was 11 years old was 62, because I used to hate school work, but I got used to it, because it's a past-time for me, then It shot up into between 90s and 110s.

I was treated by using a computer and the internet to learn more about their behaviors. and I improved alot of symptoms., I was also treated with Speech Therapy.

I am now 18 right now. and I'm getting another neuropsychological testing again. I got myself tested from the internet and I got on my test is, Atypical PDD-NOS with Aspergers Traits.

But I acted more like a Neurotypical than being Autistic. The reason why I acted like Neurotypical, because I am not comfortable of being autistic.

Synesthesia is associated with AS?