Doing things automatically

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I don't mean daily chores or necessities. What I mean is, holding doors open for people, waiting for other people to pass in a narrow area, letting others on the bus first, etc.

I usually automatically look behind me when coming through a door in public to see if there's anyone behind, and if there is I then automatically hold the door open for them. But I sometimes forget or don't think to do other things what most people would do automatically (unless they're in a rush or something). Like the other day in a supermarket I was going to push my trolley into an aisle where someone else was pushing their trolley the other way, and the gap was narrow because there were boxes in the way. Instead of stopping, making eye contact with the lady as if to non-verbally say ''shall I go first, or you?'', I kind of wheeled my trolley through in a rush, then just after I got past I thought to myself, ''tsk, why didn't I just slow down and see what she wanted to do?'' I feel like I am being rude, when I'm not intending to be rude, I'm just not thinking and most probably too busy rushing for no reason (except maybe to get the shopping done as quick as I can so I can get out of the supermarket quicker).

Does anyone else frequently make this mistake? Do you feel embarrassed or guilty afterwards in case people think you are rude?

I can't automatically do a lot of things that people normally automatically do.
For instance, I can't walk and say hi to people very easily.

That is a detriment when people expect you to say hi - and you don't/cant. For me to stop and say hi means for me to stop my feet moving, find where the person is (in a crowd) make eye contact, and verbalize "hi." I can't do that in a split second unless I'm feeling super well that day, (which is rare and usually only after coffee).

People think I'm rude. I'm not...I just can't do it. Sorry.

I don't think you were rude in the situation that you described (unless ofcourse you startled her and made her stop her trolley suddenly or something). Instead of waiting for what the other woman wanted you took charge, did what you wanted and resolved the sitation for the both of you. The other woman can now pass with ease and you've already done so.

That said, yes, I do think I'm sometimes rude unintentionally and depending on what I've done I can feel guilty. This usually happens when I'm somehow startled or my routine is interupted. That throws me of balance and makes me forget things which creates the potential to do rude things.

Absolutely. I'm notorious for failing to hold the door. Or getting in people's way. If I notice, I usually apologize right there and it doesn't make me feel too awkward. I'm really "rude" in the grocery store (quotations because though that's no doubt the way NTs perceive it, if they processed sensory stimuli in the way I do, they'd be doing the same thing). I kind of just plow through most of the time not really focusing on the other people. I can't focus on social conventions there...too busy trying not to have a meltdown and get out of there as fast as I can. I also have trouble with the automatic greetings people give when passing each other in the halls at work. I can't process what they are saying in that short of a time, so I usually just say "Good. And you?" when they say something. It's kind of embarrassing when they didn't actually ask how I am, but some other perfunctory pleasantry to which my pat response was not appropriate.

I will automatically do the courteous things, such as holding doors open, letting some go ahead of me, etc., but for the most part, I just REALLY hate having people behind me or waiting for me.

I will wander around a store for an hour if I have to in order to avoid standing in a line (or a line-up, if you're in the UK) for fear that some one will stand behind me. I have made myself late for work just so that I can be sure to be the last person or the only person in a line.

I do that stuff, too. Like I left a store yesterday and as I was walking out the door, I paused and looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was behind me.
When I was in school, I had a fear of going into the gym. Every morning before class, all of the students had to congregate in the gym. And I couldn't walk in there because I always felt like people were staring at me and silently making fun of me. I couldn't deal with it. So I would stand by the door and hold it open for people as they walked in. In hindsight it was a little weird and quite a bit embarassing to me now.
But I did win an award for the most kind, selfless acts. Got a free CD player. Woot.