I feel like I'm getting worse and getting no support.

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Shadewraith
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07 Feb 2013, 1:39 am

Over the past several months, I feel like I've been getting worse as time goes by. I'm becoming less functional and I'm getting little help or support from anybody. People in my life seem to get increasingly frustrated with my lack of social skills and understanding of things. My intrusive thoughts are intensifying and are preventing me from functioning during the day and sleeping at night. I'm being pressured to get a different job from my therapist (I currently work for my father), but just the thought of working some place new sends me into an anxiety attack. My therapist doesn't seem to care about my comfort level. He's hellbent on getting me to do things that are uncomfortable to me (socializing, getting a different job, going out more) and it makes me panic. He even keeps making threats, saying that if I don't do these things, I might as well break up with my fiancee because she won't want to be with someone like me. My parents and my fiancee (I live with both) haven't even tried to understand me. They just expect me to act like a normal person, though they claim otherwise. When I don't understand something or don't meet their expectations, they get pissed off. I'm constantly dissappointing them. I always hear the sighs and the "I don't know why I bother"s. I'm always feeling like a 'bad dog'.

I'm in a very volatile state. I don't want to explode, but I can feel it about to happen. I hate when it does. I just want to scream at everyone "I'M ASPIE!" until they get it through their heads. I don't know how to talk to them because it just ends up in frustration and an argument. I'm trapped and alone here.


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windtreeman
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07 Feb 2013, 2:31 am

Man, that is absolutely a tough situation. Firstly, and I bet you already know this, but you've really got to try and find a therapist you like. I mean, though I suspect he's truly trying to help you, it doesn't sound like he has the experience necessary to treat your level of anxiety AND Asperger's. I think that if you found a therapist you loved, who understood that telling you to throw everything stable out of your life could be wholly detrimental, you'd see an immediate improvement and show your family and fiance that you're doing everything in your power to improve your situation. It sounds like you're actually on the brink of a very successful life though; a job and fiance sounds awesome, now you just have to combat that anxiety, find new means of support and, hopefully, increased understanding from those you love and you'll probably be in a substantially better place. I can't deny that I know very little about your situation and you might even despise working for your Dad, etc. but I can completely empathize with the condescending disapproval of loved ones and how difficult it is to be told that, if you want to get out of the rut, you've got to do exactly the opposite of what your brain and body are telling you. I hope you find a way to mentally detox before any sort of 'explosion' but, again, I don't blame ya and you're definitely not alone!


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Assessed 11/17/12
Diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Generalized Anxiety Disorder 12/12/12
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JeepGuy
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07 Feb 2013, 11:16 am

If your therapist thinks that you should stop working for your father maybe there is a stressful issue that you have not mentioned here. Then again I would not trust a therapist who makes threats that your fiancée will not ‘want to be with someone like you’. If you have a fiancée you are obviously doing a lot right and surely she must see a lot of good in you.

It sounds like you are having trouble communicating your most important thoughts with your parents and fiancée. Obviously you need to vent. If I were you I would try focusing on one of them at a time (1 vs 1 is better than 1 vs 3); I would also start with your fiancée, because then you might have more of a united front to face your parents (2 vs 2 is better than 1 vs 3).

If you are having trouble talking with them in person, have you considered writing down how you feel and sharing your feelings in written form? You could print off things like your post here. Maybe if they have to read some of your thoughts and feelings without being able to interrupt, criticize, and break your train of thought, they will not be able to prevent you from getting across what you have been unsuccessfully trying to communicate to them. Then hopefully, after it has sunk in, they might be a little more patient and receptive when you try to talk to them in person.

Good luck.


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Self-diagnosed AS following psychiatrist's initial assessment. AQ 39/50; EQ 23/60; Aspie 150/200 NT 56/200.