Do you make up reactions when you don't feel anything?

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I just realised the other day that this is something I still do a lot, when people tell me things quite often I don't feel anything and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Usually I compare it to other situations and then pretend to be angry/happy or whatever emotion I think the person expects me to react with, or if I'm with other people I usually copy their reaction. How often do you do this kind of thing?

I've done this quite a lot as well. But it takes a lot of energy for me, especially if they are telling me something and are excited. I try to respond but then half way through I realise that I'm not that excited and it takes a lot of energy to keep up the act. It's best just to be my straight face self. That's one reason people think I'm a bit strange, as I don't react with the corresponding energy or emotion.

I think that's why I've learned to have a more dry humour. I can respond with a straight face and say something witty if it comes to me fast enough. That way I can make other people laugh and I don't have to. win win.

I don't.
I don't know what I "should do" in a situation according to others, I just know what I should do according to me.

Yup. Worse, sometimes it is difficult to know how much is too much. Which amount of response is appropriate, not just what sorts of reactions are appropriate to the occasion.

I've thought of making a resolution to go completely dead pan this year but I don't know that is something I can keep up. I feel rather bad when it seems someone thinks her/his jokes are "cute" and I don't "share a laugh." The downside of not laughing is when he/she feels the need to explain the joke. I don't need an explanation and it is a good thing people can't read my mind as I think: monkeys. As for "celebrating" news with people, I take a stance as though dealing with children: "good for you!" The "copy thing" is a decent strategy, the problem I find is in reading what I am copying and dealing with "no,no,no." However, that can be kind of fun in situations, too, because it breaks up the conversation and you can just make them goofy by exaggerating what you think you should do - with any luck, they give up. Sad news is an "oh sh**" situation, best avoided. I've learned that "I'm sorry" are fine words in those situations as people seem to appreciate the lack of empty platitudes. So, I don't feel much in response, but I am a cool head and maybe just saying sorry and offering kleenex is exactly what people need?

All the time . . . I try to figure out the appropriate response by copying and past reference. Sometimes I get it wrong though and this is both embarrassing and frustrating.
Sometimes I just want to scream that "I don't care." When I get to that point, I end the conversation and go to my quiet place.

I think I do that a lot, too, but I don't know if my reactions are appropriate. Sometimes I can't do it quickly and naturally enough. Maybe most of the time my reactions are off and that's why people think I'm weird. One time one of my colleagues showed me very excitedly the photo of her wearing her new expensive one-piece dress (~$200) on her mobile, and I was unable to quickly react to it appropriately because in my head I was thinking $200 for this thing!? My excited reaction must have been unnatural and awkward. I felt very embarrassed by my reaction.

I also think non-autistic people actually do the same a lot. After all they are the ones who are good at faking/being superficial/being socially appropriate. I think when they (non-autistic people) do it, they know exactly how they should react. That's why it looks natural and appropriate. Even looking excited, inside they might be thinking how boring!

I do this quite often.

The only problem is when I have a natural reaction that's inappropriate. If I feel something I'm not supposed to feel it's hard to control my unwanted reaction. In that case the best I can do is be expressionless. It takes me so much energy to censor an inappropriate reaction that I don't have anything left to create the proper reaction.

I do this quite often as well!! !

Sometimes I over-react or under-react though, it's hard to judge what it appropriate and I try, but it is exhausting because I really don't care.

I do it often as well! Wow, thought I was mostly alone on this.

I used to do this when I was much younger. I got a little older and stopped bothering.

For me, every moment spent pretending is a moment not spent learning the world. Its a choice between giving up and acting, or not losing hope that somehow I'll end up working out the world enough to not screw up. I'm glad I took the second path as 15 years later, I rarely put my foot in it.

Last edited by elfabyanos on 09 Feb 2013, 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is an interesting topic because I think that most NTs are faking their responses, but they do it by making an assumption of what the other person is feeling. in other words, their reaction is instinctively social and not really about giving their honest opinion.

When I was a teenager and in my early 20's, I could be brutally blunt and honest because I was unaware of the impact my reactions had on other people and I didn't consider the impact my reactions would have, I would just speak my mind. I have learned to be considerate, but not by calculating what my emotional response should be. I still am compulsively honest in my reactions, and, in the case of the expensive dress, I would search for any kind of a reply like "oh, it's a nice color" or "It's good that you found a dress you like" . I think people get confused by my replies and think I'm weird, but at least I know I have not said anything mean.

People always seem to make assumptions about me when they talk to me and don't even listen to what I say, but hear what they think I'm saying based on their assumptions. I hate that, my own mother was like that and I felt that she didn't even know me. So I would never try to fake an emotional response to something. I don't want to be that way.

I agree with this, and further to this, the faker NT is faking to an NT who knows the other is faking. This is not a problem because the process is standard, and expected, and therefore comforting despite it being fake as it always 'strokes' the NT who is being faked to. It also confirms a reciprocal situation will be dealt with in the same comforting manner. Usually the NT with the issue is going to do what they have already decided anyway, and this is why the resulting interaction is fake, its because it is redundant, yet it nonetheless performs the same function as a good hug and so is a perfectly valid interaction.

Sometimes I do, but usually it seems really fake so I am just my normal flat self. People probably think I'm strange for it, but it's a lot easier for me to just be honest about how I feel about something (though I do at least try not to be rude).

I do this all the time.

For some reason I just don't feel anything, good or bad, when other people share news with me (or sometimes even when good/bad things happen to me). I try to pretend to be happy for good things and sad for bad things, but on the inside, I really don't care. Pretty much the only things that illicit strong emotions in me are my special interests.

I think all people do this, not just AS ones.

I don't do this. My mother tells me that she does it.