Assumptions

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How many people on here are familiar with others making assumptions about them? I would hypothesize that many of us are misinterpreted or misunderstood by others. I have a friend who I met on here, and is a fellow Aspie, and that seems to be a common problem.

For me, even my own parents make assumptions that they know what I'm thinking, and they are often wrong. This has gotten more troublesome in my adult years, and the fact that I have set out on my own (my folks live in Ohio, and I am in Oregon, pursuing my own career) does not help matters.

In either case, I was interested to see what others think. Sometimes it seems like we have that one best friend, or a few friends, who, as Phil Collins once put it, "are the only one who ever really knew me at all."

I think all people make assumptions about all people.

I think it is just more dangerous for "people like us" because some of the observable things about us may not be representative of our internal states, whereas I think for NTs there tends to be more congruence between what you see and what you get, unless there is conscious manipulation going on.

For example, my body language tends to be rigid and people make assumptions about me because of that. Mainly that I am "cold." I am not. I also have a face that, in it's natural resting state, appears to reflect a negative emotional state. So often people think I am angry or upset when I am neither.

Constantly. I think nts are more likely to make assumptions about what other people are thinking than autistic people, since nts brains automatically think about other people are thinking.

People believe "non-verbal" signals over "verbal" signals.

This presents a problem for me as I am not physically demonstrative, especially concerning my emotional states. They don't believe you if you just TELL them you're angry, you have to SHOW them that you're angry.

If you don't give physical signals, or you give the incorrect signals, you leave yourself wide open for assumptions.

Apparently, I come off as angry all the time. Ever since I was a kid, really. Whenever I'd go off to be away from everybody else, my body language apparently communicated to them all that I was mad and not in the mood to talk. *sigh*

I recently posted a similar thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt219373.html

Same here.
I think it’s a universal problem, but I think Aspies get it more.

For one thing, the whole notion that you can read a stranger’s body language is pure superstition. People insist on looking for short-cuts to evaluate others. Some kind of litmus test or whatever. The notion that you can read the bumps on someone’s head and tell something of his character was once considered a “science.” I can’t remember the name of it. Shrinks today are no better. Superstition everywhere.

Then there’s us. I don’t know about the rest of you mugs, but my body language is unreadable, largely because I don’t feel the way others do about a lot of things. They’d call me a heretic if they knew just how different. Keeping my mouth shut doesn’t seem to help. They fill in the blanks with whatever their prevailing demons dictate…

Yeah, my body language is rarely an accurate show of what I'm actually thinking or feeling. Unfortunately, that's what most people go off on.

Yes...this is a particular problem for me because my facial expressions don't necessarily match up with how I'm feeling. People think I'm angry when I'm just thinking. My tone of voice also comes out wrong sometimes.

I agree. I can relate to the OP and other posters here.

People tend to read something negative behind my words and actions when there is nothing. Somehow my good intentions are interpreted badly. So, I naturally became withdrawn, and even that gets interpreted. I feel I have no escape from their false assumptions. They create a completely false image of my personality based on their assumptions.

Yes, people make assumptions about me
Like that guy who tought I had multiple personality disorder.

My parents assumed I couldn't lie because I had AS. Other people who knew about it did the same.

I probably started lying later in life than most people and by the time I did I had the intelligence to hide it more easily than a toddler who was just learning to lie.

So my parents always assumed I was telling the truth and I never got caught in a lie until I revealed I was trans and they realized I am capable of deception. I can keep secrets and I can lie.

Sometimes other people's assumptions benefit you.

I do get annoyed when people make assumptions about me too. But when I think of it, I realise that they are only trying to understand me. Plus people are not mind-readers. I know on these Autism sites you get convinced that ''all NTs can read exactly what you're thinking or feeling by your body language'', but that's not always accurate every time.

Like a couple of years ago I met my personal employment adviser in the town before attending an interview (she was coming to the interview with me), and before the interview, we went into a small coffee shop to get to know each other a bit (because this was our first time we met), and she asked me if it was too noisy for me. There was hardly no-one in there, and the music was just playing quietly in the background, and I was like, ''no, it's fine thanks.'' I thought, ''what kind of hypersensitive Aspie do you take me for?'', then I thought, ''OK, she was only trying to be helpful and understanding.''

I found it. That “science” was called “phrenology” or “cranioscopy.” An example of how badly people want to simplify things that are completely beyond their comprehension, and the superstitions that grow out of their nutty notions. There’s nothing new under the sun.

Phrenology: Examining The Bumps of Your Brain
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2 ... our-brain/

The assumption that bothers me the most is when people assume they know how I'm feeling or interpret my behaviour to mean I'm feeling a particular way ... especially as most of the time if someone asks me how I'm feeling my response is "I don't know", and I honestly don't... So how can they know??

My psychiatrist does this a lot. At my last appointment with her I called her out on it because she had interpreted some of my behaviour while I was in hospital to mean I felt a particular way which was simply not true - I found out by reading part of a letter she wrote to my GP on his screen while he was scrolling through it looking for some detail or other about my medication . I told her what I had been thinking at the time and she apologised for making an incorrect assumption. She also said that from now on she'd be sure to ask what I think rather than how I feel.

People assume that I'm sarcastic and uncaring of other's feelings. People think I tell stories. People think that I'm scary because I make eye contact and don't recognize social space. My body language and facial expressions rarely change during a conversation so I'm tagged as cold and unemotional. I laugh and am loud to cover up that I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do so I'm seen as intense. My dad used to say that I had dead eyes when he yelled at me for punishment. I've been compared to a robot. Just because I don't have appropriate non verbal actions people think that I don't understand what people say or that I don't care. My wife repeats things at me all the time because she doesn't think I "get it" or take her seriously. People don't take the time to ask they just assume everything, like they know. I don't assume, I ask because I DON'T know. People read me all wrong, even when I'm angry they don't read me right, because its not anger its frustration that's overwhelming, so people start yelling at me and I'm not angry until I start getting threatened, then its over, I can become a wrecking ball.