Too sensitive to be on the spectrum. What?

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The other day I told someone that the professionals have told me I likely have Asperger's Syndrome. She took it well and during the week we've been writing a few emails to each other. Yesterday night she wrote something in one of her emails that confused me a bit. She wrote "I hope you won't let whatever diagnosis you'll end up with influence your life. I hope it will only help you find ways to deal with things. Even if the diagnosis is autism you're not autistic. You're a person who has a form of autism. I'm actually still doubting it." I didn't really understand what she was doubting so I asked her about it. She then said "I'm doubting you have autism/asperger's because as far as I know I think you're quite sensitive. I'm not sure that would fit a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder." I should add that she works with people who have severe forms of autism, PDD, MCDD etc (but she's no psychologist or anything).

What? Why can't one be sensitive and on the spectrum? I would say I'm definitely sensitive and I find it difficult to identify and handle my emotions. I feel things very strongly as in if I, for example, feel depressed I feel extremely low. If things don't go according to plan I get very upset (though I don't always show it). I'm a very anxious and neurotic person. My self-esteem isn't great so I'm not good with criticism and things like that. I tend to take things rather personal. Does that mean I can't be on the spectrum? Why do people assume people with autism spectrum disorders don't have emotions? I'm confused.

You absolutely can be overly sensitive, touchy, anxious, uptight etc..as I certainly am too..and still be on the spectrum. Gee, taking things personally is one of the hallmarks of the disorder.

At the risk of sounding sexist, is it possible she is simply not used to working with girls on the spectrum? Maybe there is a difference in behavior between men and women with autism that leads professionals to be less likely to recognize high-functioning autism in girls, and that difference could include perceptions of "sensitivity"?

Maybe that person doesn't have a lot of knowledge of autism/AS and simply assumes autism = no feelings. I think autistic people are seen as non-feeling people who don't have empathy, which is not right of course. I have met a medical doctor, not in a doctor-to-patient context, who talked about people with AS as non-feeling people who do wrong things without feeling any guilt.

Simply put, she's badly misinformed.

It is astonishing to me how certain people regard themselves as "experts" in autism when in fact they have absolutely no such qualification or experience. Yet they believe they know and hence badly skew the reality. Really, in general terms, ignore this. I promise you will encounter loads of misconceptions and falsehood about what AS is and is not. Unfortunately, these individuals can be really misguided too. It's beyond painfully frustrating but must be ignored. For this reason, I'd be really cautious about whom you tell.

Disclosure is only as good as to whom you are disclosing it to.

She's probably comparing Rebbieh to Autistic kids that can't talk, are learning disabled, have frequent nervous tics, make no eye contact and are overly sensitive to touch, light, etc. I know people look at Autism on TV then say I'm not on the spectrum because I don't present with the same intensity of symptoms. But it's there.

People can work with others who have autism and still underestimate the high levels of variation in personality and intelligence that occur among more high-functioning individuals.

I remember one time on another forum someone who worked with people who had autism was patronizingly amazed/impressed by my vocabulary because she thought that all autistic people had trouble with language.

I agree with the other posters - it sounds like she is actually under a misconception about autistic people, or more specifically buying into a popular stereotype. The idea that autistic people are insensitive or unempathetic is a myth based upon their outward behaviours, because autistic people don't always know how to express these things. However, modern research has demonstrated that autistic people are actually more sensitive than others, at least in the areas of emotional and sensory response. They have heightened emotional empathy and of course heightened response to sensory stimuli compared to other people. If she works with autistic people it's a shame she has this stereotypical (and false) idea because it suggests she doesn't understand the people she works with.

Perhaps she actually meant that she thinks you are socially sensitive, as in that you pick up subtle social cues which most autistic people would miss, but even if that's the case she shouldn't be trying to un-diagnose you on that one point, as there is a lot more to being autistic than that.

Thanks for the replies, everyone! I'm not sure she what she meant. Perhaps she meant I'm sensitive as in emotional. Perhaps she meant I'm sensitive as in that I pick up on social cues and don't offend people (I'm not saying people with ASD offend people but maybe she's thinking of a stereotypical arrogant person with AS like the ones they often show in movies). I'm quite ok with social cues. I have trouble with eye contact and sometimes I have trouble with jokes/sarcasm. I also behave differently in social situations than most people I know. I don't really participate in conversations unless it's a conversation about things I like or things I know a lot about. I tend to be quiet unless I'm very comfortable with people. I sit quietly and observe things/people (even the psychologist told me that I'm without a doubt very observant). I don't like saying hi to people I don't know or don't know that well so I often don't. If I do it's really forced and awkward. Things like that.

Anyway, I'm not sure what she meant but I highly doubt people on the autism spectrum aren't sensitive or emotional (just like you guys are saying). It's a spectrum so I guess we're all different. Should I correct her? Should I tell her about it? I want to but it just feels stupid. Especially if it turns out the psychologists are wrong and I don't get a diagnosis. In the original post I wrote that I tend to take things rather personal. That's something I don't like about myself and even when someone who's not a psychologist tells me something like she did (that she doubts I have ASD since I'm quite sensitive) I start doubting myself and my stupid fear of being a pathological liar returns (not that it ever goes anywhere but still). What should I do? Should I just ignore what she wrote or should I correct her?

I used to be really sensitive but not so much anymore. People can piss me off with their words, but they'd have a really hard time trying to hurt my feelings. Mostly because I don't usually find their words to be credible. They're still an annoyance though. The reason I get pissed off isn't because I think their words are true, it's because they soil themselves with their words and don't know enough to be offended by their own stupidity and ignorance. It makes me want to offend them in the way that they should be offended by themselves. I guess this is probably more closely related to my PAD than to my AS though. I think people with AS are generally more sensitive than most NTs.