Need help with anxiety

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I've recently started studies that include a lot of class discussions and group work, in a very difficult setting. My anxiety has been going through the roof, particularly because the worst thing for me is feeling trapped in a setting where I have to perform socially. Recent activities have been very detrimental, particularly as there has been some bullying, people acting like I'm invisible even though we talked the day before, that kind of thing.

I find that at some point during these activities my brain practically freezes, and I don't know what to do or say, but I just keep talking, saying just about anything to distract myself from the anxiety. It sorta works, and I have been able to reduce anxiety so that I don't get a stomach ache and palpitations before entering the school building. Relations with others are not great, though, but this is of less importance as I plan to leave this particular program.

I plan to switch to another program that has a lot less social activities, but there will be some, and I wonder whether people have some good tricks to deal with this sort of thing? Right now I'm emotionally flat and am having trouble with my memory, which is what usually happens when stress levels are too high, and I can't go on like this.

Any hacks?

I wish I could give brilliant advice, but I'm not sure there are any great hacks for stuff like this. I often go through similar situations due to my job. Sometimes in meetings I can picture pleasing objects or locations to distract myself, but I also have to pay some attention to the meeting. And pushing myself to be social and appear "normal" will always be exhausting. I think it's so easy to feel like we should be able to get through these situations because we're taught that's what people do, but they'll always be tough. I don't say that to be defeatist, but because I often need to remind myself that my pain and limitations are normal--it's the situation that's unhealthy. If NTs had to spend all day thinking through our thought process, and imitating poor eye contact and flat affect, they'd be miserable.

What kind of classes are these? I used to irritate teachers by participating little in class, but they loved my papers. I would get asked to read my papers to the class a lot. That was easier than spontaneous participation, and I could show my value in the class without having to be too much like the other people. Maybe if you can make yourself look remarkable to the teacher, just by being yourself, that will help.

The bullying sounds awful

Maybe finding a specific niche? Like, being the person who notes down things for the whole group. Putting others' thoughts in order / in graphs. Or even erasing the blackboard. Keeping hardware in order. If there is some boring task, you can claim it for yourself. Or bring some cookies. In general, some other contribution instead of social interaction can buy you into a group.

One thing I've found increases the anxiety, and it has to do with performing socially. I find that when there is either a teacher or other student in the group who knows I have AS, the anxiety is ten times worse, I guess because I feel pressure to be both myself and mask simultaneously. The role confusion makes my head want to combust.

Anyone relate?

I generally feel way more uncomfortable when I have to perform before someone who knows me personally. In general, I'm too much focused on other people, a very presence of anyone makes me unable to hear my own thougths. That was my nightmare with oral exams, the examiner filled all my mind and left no space for knowledge.

I think also telling about your diagnosis puts your person much more in focus of others, that may be a problem. Otherwise they would notice you less.

I just want to say I just went through similar situations and know how you feel. A class that's all about group work. And somehow I was picked as the group leader every time. It's just about the most stressful class I've ever taken. My teammates didn't communicate very much, did shoddy work and procrastinate until the last minute. I had to remind myself they're only as old as my son so I can't expect them to be very responsible. I was talking to the teacher a lot for advice and he was very understanding and helped me calm down. I was so glad when that class is over.

Why are you 40 and still going to school?

I'm 46 and just finished college. Learning is for any age.

When I was starting my first year at the uni, my oldest collegue was 74.
You are never too old to do something interesting

Your time would be better spent exercising. It’s also a lot cheaper.

She’s complaining about socializing at a place she doesn’t have to be at. This lady needs a bicycle.

She is complaining about socializing required to finish a course. I guess it's not the only value of the whole enterprise, it's just the hardest part at the moment.