Thank you/ host gift

Post Reply New Topic

I am visiting my bf's family in a different city in two weeks, but will be staying with another family that I am close with in the same area. I am planning on giving thank you/ host gifts to both families. I am not sure what is appropriate. I have heard of food (either fruit basket or homemade bread or what not), candles, decorations, wine. My bf's family is difficult. I do not know them and I want to make a good impression. I have a good chance of getting along with the dad as he like nerdy stuff and logical thinking, the mom is a different story and the driving force of the family. She likes name brands (coach), bling-y shoes, sports teams, and so called reality tv that has to do with weddings and is emotional and judgmental according to her children. And they do not drink so a nice bottle of wine is not a good idea.

I did not even know that giving such a gift was the socially appropriate activity until I was talking about my trip with my co-workers. I am having a difficult enough time trying to figure out how to woo the mom and not give away that I have autism (as she is prejudiced against AS because of her brother-in-law even though her son, my bf has AS). I already have trouble figuring out gifts in general on birthdays and Christmas, now I am supposed to choose different gifts. I have heard that it is supposed to be impersonal but nice, but I do not know what that means.

Any help navigating this odd social situation is appreciated.

Hi

Gift giving is not easy when you are not sure of people's likes and dislikes. I love to bake - so to me, making a pie would be the way to go - especially if on a lovely glass tray she can keep to use at future gatherings. You can make it a gift tray of sorts... wrap it all in a clear cellophane secured in a bunch over the top with pretty ribbon. Even if you don't bake.. you can get pre made pie crust and pie fillings

Here is some links to what I would do for the pie -

First a "base" for the pie to be presented on: Round Cutting Board Link

Pot holder so pie plate does not slip on the board: Pot Holder Link

Then the pie plate with a pie funnel so her pies release steam: Pie plate Link

And finally, a pie and cake knife: Pie Knife Link

Wrapped in cellophane like this: Cellophane wapped pie Link

Or you can present a cake in this: Cake dome Link (even if you put a store bought cake onto it )

Good luck! Hope the visit goes well for you!

What about a bouquet of flowers?

Can't imagine anyone not liking flowers. Anything else is dependent on it being something they aren't into and potentially leads to a mistake.

Last edited by whirlingmind on 12 Feb 2013, 10:48 am, edited 2 times in total.

I once gave a cookbook as a gift in such a situation. That is apparently not acceptable. The hostess was insulted for some reason. I would agree with a pie or pumpkin roll or something. I'm assuming your bf would have told you if anyone in his immediate family is diabetic or has a wheat allergy? Also, if you go that route, I would find out her favorite sports team and theme your packaging toward their colors. Such as if she rooted for say, the Steelers, I would go for a black base to set it on and gold saran wrap.

Normally homemade food is a good option but this tells me you should not bring homemade food. Somebody who likes these things is probably very concerned with presentation and presentation is very difficult to do perfectly unless you are a professional baker or quite talented amateur with a flair for decoration. In this case flowers are a good option (also suggested by another poster) because flowers are purely for show- make sure they come from a florist and not from your garden. With her, it is (probably) all about how things look.

Ok so all food items are out as the mom is on a diet of some sort. Also out is tea and candles. Beach stuff is supposed to be ok (they live by the coast). What is beach stuff besides towels, and swimsuits (the later would be inappropriate and the former seems odd). The baked goods sounded like a good idea as I am a very good cook but apparently will not work.

I am goin to go with a coffee table book about beaches.

Hope that works for you

When you said they live on a beach my mind thought a picnic basket would be a nice gift. My sister bought me one once that had all the dishes in it and such and I loved it! We were making weekly trips to the beach then and that was her housewarming gift to me.

She probably thought you were insulting her cooking. Some people seem to use gifts for subtle messages, so if someone is oversensitive it's a fine line to walk.