Why so much negativity?

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I've been lurking and sporadically posting on here for a while now, and what has really struck me is the level of negative attitudes going around. I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but hey ho....

Don't get me wrong, I know that being an Aspie is hard, and I've had more than my fair share of social faux pas explode in my face, but it seems to me that a huge amount of the discussions here are people who have essentially either given up entirely, or blame NTs for all their problems. I've been thinking about making this topic for a while now, and finally decided to do it in the hope of opening up this for discussion.

Surely trying to live with a positive attitude is more helpful? Saying to yourself "Okay, I screwed that up, how can I avoid that next time?" rather than curling up in a ball and giving up on the world, or fostering hatred and bitterness toward NTs. And yes, I know that it isn't always possible to avoid it the next time either, due to our general inability to predict social outcomes....

Does anyone have any ideas as to how to help people here veiw the world more positively? Maybe a thread for positive thoughts, that could serve as inspiration?

Positive: with the right support, I am in University now.

I know what you mean. When I first arrived at this forum, it really saddened me - it was filled with people reaching out for help (either directly, or through their expressions of anger, blame or shame) but because it's a forum based around a disability, most people are in the same situation, so there isn't much help to be found. There's certainly some comfort in others saying "I feel that way too", but there's a lack of people here with the emotional strength to be able to offer real emotional support and techniques to turn the situations in a more positive direction. One of my first thoughts when I arrived here was that I would love to see some professionals in the field of autism here who could offer genuine advice and techniques - there is the odd one, usually someone who is both autistic and works in the field of autism, but they are really drowned out by all the people who need help!

I think it is natural for there to be a lot of negativity here. Most of the people here were diagnosed in adulthood or late childhood and have therefore spent their lives being rejected and treated badly by others because they were not understood. This is a situation which fosters unhappiness, depression and low self-esteem. I have been there myself, though I have always been determined to work my way out of it, and I now consider myself an optimistic and reasonably emotionally healthy (if a bit socially isolated) person.

The thing is, with the right support and understanding, autistic people can make some amazing strides. I like the idea of a positivity/inspiration thread - perhaps one where people can share their stories of success, overcoming difficulties, finding support and making progress in life and relationships. I would be happy to contribute to it.

That's great SteelMaiden, hope it all works out for you

Jinks - Much of what you said were my thoughts entirely. It really is heartbreaking at times reading the stuff many people post. Not sure what wording to put on that positivity thread though. Or where to put it!

Sadly I think that any professional would be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people needing help here- as you said, this forum is based around our disability, and the number of members is huge! The fact that many folks are only picked up on late in life is clearly a big issue. Personally, I've been very lucky. Turned out the psyxchologist I was first referred to had an Aspie son, and he recognised the triats within about ten minutes, apparently.

I think I'll have a serious think about creating a positivity thread. If a mod is reading this, would you guys have an idea of where the best to put it is, and if it were possible to get something of that ilk stickied? I know that in NT society talking about your own achievements is deemed as bragging, but I don't think that really applies in this case. Aspies who are having a hard time would maybe gain from inspirational tales of success, as it would demonstrate that it IS possible to overcome some of those hurdles...

Opinions?

a section for people's success stories would be a good idea. somewhere for people to post about things that have gone well in their lives.

I decided to edit my initial post and add a poll. Figured it would be worth seeing what a decent amount of members thought, and not everyone would actually post on the thread.

Cool that the idea seems to be an acceptable one so far though

I have a thought related to this.

I am here mainly as a parent (although I enjoy posting as a non-parent, too). I find that I tend to post most when things aren't going well, and least when things are going well. When I have days on end with no "incidents" I have nothing driving me here. But when things take a downturn, I need a place where people get where I am coming from. Sometimes I will even post "negative" things here that I probably wouldn't even mention IRL. Simply because it feels good to have someone say "I know exactly what you mean, one time <insert their related story here>."

I have never done it, but it is possible that if I were to categorize all of my posts, a large percentage of them might be "negative" when in reality I would describe myself as a positive person. I have even been accused of being overly positive and not very realistic.

So, maybe things seem negative because people are more likely to post when things are not going well, but that those negative posts don't necessarily correlate to their general view on life?

I do hate the NT bashing, though. If we don't feel it is fair that they misjudge us as a whole, I don't think it is right to turn around and do the same to them.

I could quite easily have written what InThisTogether has just said. I too am mainly here as a parent, but also for myself. I have a very positive opinion of my daughter and that comes across very much, in a general parenting website that I use. But, sometimes there are times when I need someone to tell the negative stuff to and to get some advice and WP is a good place for that. I have a very good best friend, but when I tell her about a particularly tough time my daughter and/or I are going through, she makes light of it and tells me that she has days like that, etc. She clearly doesn't have any days like mine. I know she's just trying to make me feel better, but it just makes me feel even worse (for moaning about something all parents go through, even though I know they don't). I have my husband, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to, who truly understands. I know no other parents of girls with a diagnosis of Aspergers IRL, so I only have here and a few other places on-line. The good stuff (and there is a lot of it), I can tell to anyone, so long as I don't come across as boasting.

Since I've joined WP my life has gotten significantly better, likely because I can see I'm not crazy nor am alone in my struggles. Before I heard of Aspergers I thought I was the only person on the planet like this since I was universally bullied obviously I could tell nobody was like me. (i.e. bullied but not a hardcore computer nerd)

I don't want to be 'cured' but it was frustrating being told over and over again "don't worry you are fine" when I clearly was not, having no friends, chronic underemployment and finding 'routine' tasks very difficult. I've accepted my limitations and my skills thanks to the WP community, with both the positive and negative stories.

It is a good thing to have both the positive and the negative stories on here.

I just hate the following types of thread

"Aspie women have it easier then aspie men "(hey life is hard for everyone regardless of gender)
"NT's are evil" (not fair to do this when u would get upset if they did it to you).
" all (insert gender or race here) are (insert insult here)". (not right to judge an entire group by the worst examples).
" everything thats wrong in my life is the fault of nt's" (these depress me)

Because it is too hard, that is why I gived up.

I cannot offer yoou any better explinatshan

yu wood not understand if yu are noot in my shoes

I think it's easy to misread WP when you've only spent a short time here. The negativity expressed by many members is not necessarily exclusive of self-improvement. People may post on here in a way that sounds like they've "given up," but it's more likely that people just use WP to express those emotions when they have them; they may not actually live like this all the time. Most people, myself included, are very interested in practical solutions.

A positivity forum would be too hard to police and moderate. People would probably post negative things in there, and moderators would have to be constantly deleting it. This would often involve dicey interpretations about what is "positive" and what is "negative."

If you write positive posts about your successes, users will say you are obviously not a "real" Aspie.

I've seen multiple threads on this negativity and I *still* cannot see all the negativity other people are seeing... Maybe my posts can be perceived as negative although all I'm looking for are answers and statistics and other people's personal views/experiences. I dunno. I know that when I'm feeling my lowest, I do not post. And if I did, I think I'd probably post a depressive rant in Haven.