Transference?

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Since I was about 13, I've 'latched on' to some older women almost to the point of being obsessed with them- I really need them to like me or approve of me and it really hurts when they don't and I kind of idolise them and look up to them, and I want to be like them, and I didn't really know what it was. It's a bit like a crush but not sexual or romantic at all, and I don't want a relationship with them. I just want them to like me, almost like a mother figure. it's usually people who share interests with me or have done something I really want to do (eg someone I know who has run marathons and written several books- I'm doing a PhD in creative writing and love running). A friend recently said this was called 'transference' and i looked it up, and it seems like it could be except that I got on OK with my mum even if we aren't really close, and she's never rejected me. Has anyone else experienced this? Not sure if transference is common in AS or not? Or maybe it's just my obsessional streak coming out in relation to people!

There were attachment issues with my parents so I latched on (from a distance) to people I would have liked to be my parents or were role models (I would have liked to have been them or been like them). Maybe it falls in the category of heroes.

I had the same thing. I think that it was a problem with my relationship with my mother. My mother was always polite, but not warm. She also didn't give reliable feedback. It had more to do with her mood and how I made her look than whether I'd done well. She was pretty good about not saying anything when she didn't have anything nice to say, but as a kid you need feeback. Both my sister and I knew when she was unhappy with us, but for two pretty creative people, we had a heck of a time making her proud.. It really helped to find that elsewhere. The hard part was that they were still like my family in ways that weren't healthy, so the transition away has been really tough (for me at least).

It could be a lot of things. It could even be yourself over criticizing your own relationship behavior.
I used to do this a lot, I still feel and/or notice it in myself but I believe the threshold is below other people's notice now.
If it really bothers you, I can help.
StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice
Don't go there if you aren't worried about it though.

Yes, someone said that recently- I was scared I'm really annoyed someone because of it, and the woman I was talking to about it said that she thinks it was more her issue than mine and that I'm a lot more aware of 'latching on' to people now so it isn't as much of a problem and there was nothing wrong with my relationship behaviour. I know when I was at school it was too intense, but now I try to make sure it isn't.

It's weird because (as far as I know), I don't have attachment issues with my mother or anything like that. I'm not really, really worried about it to the point that that's all I can think about (I was until a couple of years ago but then I wrote a story about it and showed someone which really helped) but now I'm just a bit concerned that it's not healthy and that if the other person found out, they'd hate me.