Maybe you can use a method I use in poker. I occasionally hold my cards in one hand and the chips for a call in the other. Now, what feels right, the call or the fold?
So, maybe, you could write out a paragraph or three main points, okay, if you do disclose, how are you going to do it? And at that point, you're done your work and then what feels right.
It sounds like there are two separate issues, the question of disclosure and how to respond to mandatory overtime. And this second one is a tough one. Other than kids, I'm not sure anything is really widely accepted in American business culture. So, maybe Asperger's might be another in and another way to set some reasonable limits.
And please remember the Ted Williams analogy (both good at hitting and worked at it). Just because you're good at programming, does not mean other people are. And what comes (relatively) easy for you may still be a salable commodity.