why?

Post Reply New Topic

why is it sooo important to be 'respectful' and 'quiet'?

for example, my sister and i were sitting together in the church during my great grandfathers funeral, and i kept trying to talk to her because it was REALLY boring, she kept telling me to 'stop' and 'shut up' when both me and her are EXTREME atheist's so why would she even care? Afterwards on the drive home, my cousins were really upset saying i was 'disrespectful' when really, its not a big deal! whats the deal?

Another example, durning the wake, everyone was talking and laughing (Mi'qMac wakes are usually very fun) but then everyone got really quiet, so i made a funny and said "who died?" and everyone got REALLY mad! IT WAS A FUNNY JOKE! i dont get why everyone is SO hung up on being respectful.

those dang neurotypicals spoil everyones fun

When people love someone and they pass away you SHOULD respect the fact that some people have emotions involved in someones passing. If your emotions are not involved you should at least extend the courtesy to those who do.

If you were at my grandmothers funeral and behaving that way - I am sure you would have me melting down on you. I am not NT. So a fellow aspie would be spoiling your fun NOT just NT's. I love my gramma more than anything. You best believe your behavior was very disrespectful. Just because YOU are atheist it doesn't mean everyone there was. Being atheist has nothing to do with respecting people around you or the situation you are in. Not to mention you should have respect for your family enough to sit with your mouth shut and let the people who care mourn.

Being an aspie does not give you the right not to learn important life lessons and how to behave in a respectful manor. You can learn. And you should. Learning lessons can be hard at times.. but not impossible. You are still young - hopefully in time you will learn this lesson.

I agree with your family here.

Unless you have full-blown autism how can you NOT understand? A person with Asperger's still has the ability to comprehend the seriousness of a situation.

In your profile it says that you're female, is that correct?

i still REALLY dont understand the big deal, its not like i picked up his body and waked around with it. it doesnt make any sense at all.

YOU felt happy and excited. No one else did. Just because you feel that way does not mean you SHOULD act on it. Where you were was NOT an appropriate place to feel happy and excited. The simple fact that you did not feel sad emotions did not give you a right to trample on the emotions and respect of those around you who DID feel the emotions.

There are times in your life you need to act in a way you do not feel. I just started a new job and it scares me to near terror. Does anyone know it? Not a single soul and they never will. Why? because I need this job and behaving scared and timid is not going to allow me to keep it. Am I struggling? you bet.

If you were with your family and you slipped on the ice and cracked your bum on the pavement so hard it made you cry. Would you get mad at your cousin because they laughed because you looked funny when you fell? IT WAS NOT FUNNY that you fell. But it looked funny to them so they laughed. Bet you would think they were cold and heartless and didn't care about you.

That is the way your family is looking at your behavior at this funeral.

My brother was in a car wreck. By the time I found out they were sure he would live.
I thought that was so cool.
I got beat for being disrespectful. I still do not understand, I was happy he was going to live and he had been in a huge wreck.

Anyhow, what I do now, if all those around me are acting strange, I go neutral. No talking, smiling, moving around. No nuthin.

I don't have to understand why, I do have to understand what happens for being incorrect.
Life may be less fun at times, but those around me are less angry.

I learned to read situations that I need to use restraint. I never have learned why in many of the situations.

The person is giving a speech about the person who has passed away and if you are talking, people around you can't hear. Same reason why you don't talk during movies. Logical enough?

It's just a societal thing. You have to atleast pretend to conform to it.

I remember in middle school we used to have these assemblies where they'd hire a motivational speaker with a physical disabilty (paralyzed, an amputee ect.) to come and address us all with an "inspirational speech". I always was like "this is bullsh*t", I'd say just because someone gets into a car accident and loses the use of their legs doesn't mean they're a vessle of damn inspiration, why do I have to hear this ect. and I'd try to walk out . This would land me in huge trouble obviously.

Even if you lack empathy youself about a particular situation you still have to "Play along" and act the part (whether that's staying silent, clapping, shedding a tear ect.) just out of courtesy for other people. Sometimes it's lame and feels like a chore to do but it's just necessary to fit in with society.

It matters because the way you act and behave is how others view you. Yes, you are young - but people who do not have aspergers do not get that you do not grasp the situation you are in. They see you as a 16 year old who does not care and misbehaves.

They do not and sometimes will not understand you are not acting out of meanness or spite or plain bad manners. I am almost 40 now and over the years I have created masks for different situations... heck.. my sister just told me I didn't seem upset that my step dad was in the hospital.. to be honest.. I just learned that he was ok... I didn't feel a need to feel sad. That is what another poster just said above - I had that same situation. When my sister confronted me I just told her I was all cried out and felt empty. She accepted that and the situation moved on. I made a mental note to myself that day. I will act as they expect me to. At least then I don't have to out and out lie about how I feel. I don't like to lie - but I can wear a social mask to get through a situation.

We should be able to express what we feel when we feel it... but we can't. Social rules do apply. The sooner you can grasp that, the sooner you will have an easier time in life. It isn't easy and it is only recently I understand more my coping strategies. But I had a VERY rough abusive life and my masks were needed at a very young age.

I am sure you will get it in time.. and even if you don't get it.. maybe the ouchies of peoples reactions to your behavior will build your social masks for you. That is how it worked for me.