What to do next?

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I felt for years that I was different from those around me. I could never put my finger on it, but always felt as if there was some sort of wall separating me from the people around me.

Several weeks ago a Facebook friend of mine, in response to a post in which I lamented the way people around me acted and responded to me in conversation, posted the address to this site. That was it. No comment, no explanation.

I've spent the past couple of weeks perusing the forums here, and came to understand pretty quickly why he sent me the link. Many of the posts here seem as if they were ripped from my own brain.

I had never considered the fact that I may be autistic, but having spent some time here it now seems undeniable.

I'm left with two serious dilemmas: One, do I seek a professional diagnosis and two, do I seek one for my eight-year-old son who is like me in almost every way?

I don't know what if any benefit there might be to receiving a diagnosis myself, and I don't want my son to receive another 'label' that will follow him the rest of his life. I feel as if it might almost be better to work with him one on one to teach him come coping skills, but I'm not sure where to begin.

Those of you (Stateside) who have been diagnosed professionally as adults: How did you go about it? How did you go about locating a therapist with experience in the field? Do you feel having a diagnosis has helped you personally? I'm fortunate in that I work in a stable family business so benefits and working conditions aren't really an issue but personal and professional relationships are always a challenge. I'm afraid they've become more of one now. The term I've seen on the boards here is decompensation. Now that I know what's going on, I'm not trying - as I have for the past few decades - to be something I'm not.

For those of you with children on the spectrum: If your could help your child 'pass' as NT or just understand how to get along in the NT world without professional intervention, would you do it? Is it a benefit or a detriment to have the 'autistic' label? I'm not speaking in terms of benefits or social programs so much as in your child's personal life. My son was born with a major heart defect and already has that 'label' that he wears. I'm hesitant to stick him with another one.

Thanks for your time.

I was a kid when I was diagnosed, so I didn't really pay attention to the process that took place for getting diagnosed. I can tell you how being diagnosed did have an impact on me.

First, on a personal level, it was nice to finally have a name for my odd behavior. My parents were also given suggestions for ways to work on the social aspects so they could steer me in the right direction easier. They were already trying this before but with a diagnosis they could find better ways to go about doing it.

Something to keep in mind is that if you are diagnosed, it goes on your medical record. It won't be public information unless you tell other people (unless some one else releases information that they shouldn't be). Whether people around you know it or not will still be your choice. Also, there is a medical card that diagnosed people can carry around if their symptoms cause problems in day to day life. I read a thread on here recently about a girl who had a breakdown as a result of a fire alarm.

When I was in school, I had a horrible problem with noise and couldn't focus well in class when I needed to do things like take tests and could not complete them in the required time. After I was diagnosed, my needs (mainly a quiet testing location and extended time) were met. This helped my grades in school significantly, especially in Math and English, which went from being my weakest subjects to my strongest.

I'm not going to lie, other children will probably notice that your son is getting special arrangements and think he must be different if he gets them. Of course, if they are anything like my classmates were, they already know he's not like everyone else, even without a diagnosis. In that respect, I honestly don't think having a diagnosis will change how they will treat him.

There are other benefits, when he reaches college level. For one thing, it opens up some scholarship options that he wouldn't have otherwise. I also know that I probably wouldn't still be allowed to stay in my dorm after my first year if I hadn't had AS.

Also, if there are work related problems that can be linked to Autism, the people you work for are required to accommodate anyone who is diagnosed. This may be helpful for you now and for your son in the future.

Wildcatb, although I was told by a psychiatrist I have AS, I never had the full diagnosis. and probably never will. A full diagnosis will be expensive and time-consuming. It also won't help you unless you have some bureaucratic-type reason for seeking an official diagnosis.

What will help you is reading the posts on this website. I've learned, and improved, more from the other posters here than I have from all the doctors combined. If you can relate to what is described here, learn from our experiences, and it helps you, isn't that all that really matters? As Shakespeare said, a rose by any other name would be just as sweet. What's important is what works for you, not what some doctor decides to call it.

I don't understand why you think of this in terms of labels, what you mean by labels, and why the concept of labels makes you hesitant to seek a diagnosis. Autism as a label, I sort of understand because the diagnosis is somewhat harder to make/subjective/poorly understood than a physical condition, but why refer to the diagnosis of the child's heart condition as a "label"? Having the heart condition, he's already "stuck" with something far more meaningful than the words it's called by. What you are calling a "label" is just a way to refer to what was already there. Similarly, if he's autistic, he's already "stuck" with something, and "autism" is just a means of referring to it.

I think that if your son has autistic traits, he deserves to know. Think back to all that time that you didn't know, how frustrating it was not to be clued in to why you were different. Your son's eight years old now and he wouldn't have to deal with all of that. He could have a name for why he's different from the beginning. He's already in the special ed system for the heart defect. If he needs extra lessons, tutoring, adapted testing, whatever--it'll be easier to get those for him if he has a diagnosis that's specific to that.

Should you get evaluated? Ehhh.... your choice, really. You seem to be muddling along fine. If you don't need help with anything that a diagnosis would get you, if your jury-rigged and self-taught adaptive skills work for you, then there's really not much reason to get an evaluation except for the purpose of self-knowledge. If you don't need an evaluation, you could just say, "I have ASD traits," and leave it at that, because what does it matter whether you're over the diagnostic line or not, if you don't need the label to get some kind of help? But if it really bothers you, and you really need to know just for peace of mind, then go for it. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know more about yourself.

Don't worry too much about labels. When I was a kid, my mom was just paranoid about me getting labeled, and that's why I wasn't diagnosed. But I finally did get a diagnosis, and that label probably saved my life. I finally knew why I was different, that other people had faced the same problems and found solutions. I got into disability rights and read about other people's experiences and realized why a disability isn't something to be ashamed of. I realized that instead of being an overdramatic, lazy child who needed to work harder, I was simply autistic, it wasn't my fault, and I could work on solving these problems instead of beating myself up for being different.

Find a therapist from Psychology Today
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/r ... _Therapist

While the above is a general list is best to go to a specialist
Incomplete List of specialists
http://grasp.org/page/therapists

Resources for Parents
http://grasp.org/page/resources-for-parents

If you have family members or people you know who are psychologists, special ed or social services they can help you search.

Wrong Planet Thread. What is the diagnostic process like?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt241235.html
There are plenty others like that

Some people need the formal diagnoses some don't. I have the Aspergers black and white thinking so having the certainty of an official diagnoses was needed. For me getting the diagnoses I feel like I have found a lost part of my identity or had a second birth day.

Thank you all for your input. I already plan to work with my son, and explain as best I can how his and my brain work differently from his sister's and mother's, and those of most of his friends. As far as school is concerned, we homeschool so special arrangements aren't currently an issue, though they may be in the future. The family business that I work in is run by my family, so as long as it stands I'm in a 'safe' place.

My concern about labels is that it has been my observation that people, once labelled, tend to be pigeonholed socially. The jock is always the jock, the prep is always the prep, the nerd is always the nerd. My niece was born severely premature and suffered damage to a portion of her brain related to motor control. She has no cognitive disabilities - is in fact very intelligent - but was allowed to slide whenever the least difficulty was encountered with the result that she ended up in remedial classes and special ed, not graduating high school until she was into her twenties. Despite the best efforts of some in our family, I doubt she will ever be self-sufficient because she was treated by most of the family as a brain damaged child.

I do not want my son to go through what I went through, not knowing what the heck is going on. Looking back on my life, I see that the signs were always there, and even that a couple of people noticed them. I think I would have done much better had I known, but I can't see the benefit had most of those around me known. I have been 'muddling along' for a long time. My wife has actually taken the time to explain long-form some of the things that I've never quite grasped in terms of social interactions, but I've been extremely frustrated by some of her observations.... That's a whole other thread.

I look forward to exploring the links when I have some time to devote to them.