What's it like to have a girlfriend/boyfriend

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29 yo aspergers here with no girlfriend in my whole life. Sad I know, but the girls that I would actually be interested in find me too nervous. (I'm thinking of going on awesome pharmaecutical drugs to make me feel awesome) In the meantime...

How do you date an NT? Do you tell them about your diagnosis? Do they mind or care?

Whats it like dating an NT compared to another aspie if anyone has experience?

I had more questions but I forgot...

Currently dating another Aspie on the site.

Haven't ever had an NT Girlfriend (My current is my first.)

26 years old here. I never have had a kiss, much less a girlfriend.

My first date was at 21. First kiss 26. First sex nearly 27. Still never had a romantic relationship at 36. No hope I ever will either.

Thats pretty awesome. Surely you will achieve it someday. You were on a roll in your 20s

Good. I felt like others my age when I did have a boyfriend. Been too long for me since I've had one so I'd like those good feelings again.

I got my GF at 29 and I before I came to this site I thought I was the only one on the planet in that situation who wasn't on welfare, illegal drugs, etc. I tried dating an NT but it became clear I could read any signals and was practically accused of stalking because she kept insisting she wanted to meet but always came up with the most ludicrous excuses and I didn't catch onto the fact she wasn't interested period due to my literal interpretations of language. In my limited experience, trying to date a NT is like talking to a Asian immigrant who just learned English: you both speak the same language yet have frequent misunderstandings and misinterpretations because one doesn't understand subtleties and makes assumptions based on that.

My current GF is presently undergoing an assessment but it's VERY obvious that she's on the spectrum, much more-so than me. It's not all sunshine and roses but she knows about my Asperger traits and is still with me. I know if I told those NTs I tried dating they would say 'okay' and quietly break it off because they read all the ridiculous stereotypes about Aspies.

This remembers me about a talk I had with my aunt some time ago.
aunt: have you ever had a boyfriend?
me: nope
aunt: are you in love with someone at the moment?
me: nope
aunt: you should really get a boyfriend
me: why should I?
aunt: you're almost 16. All your cousins alredy had a boyfriend when they were 13-14. You're late
me: don't care about that

i do not know, i have only had girlfriends.

I'm 25 and have never had a boyfriend. I've never gone on a date. I definitely don't want a boyfriend. My brother has a girlfriend, though. Well, not girlfriend anymore, as they're getting married in a few months, so she's his fiancee. I've seen how she's sometimes always calling him, and he's always going over to see her. That's got to be exhausting, having to go see her, and her family, too. Not to mention texting and talking to her on the phone every single day. If that's what it's like to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I don't want one. Imagine if I had to devote so much time to someone else, especially when I could be doing something useful and more enjoyable.

Change that to girlriend and the age to 23 and you discribe a conversation i'm forced to have almost weekly.

You go out with them, you talk to them, you build a connection with them. Being in a relationship is kinda like being really good friends. While dating before the relationship is trying to build that connection so you guys can be in a relationship. And yes I do tell them about my diagnosis. IMO, its pretty damn important and if the persons gonna continue on with you, its best they know.



See I've mostly successfully dating NTs in comparison to aspies. I think there's more built up structure in dating other aspies where NTs are a bit more spontaneous. Things are more explicitely said in an aspie relationship. Unless you really connect, I found aspie dating to be a monologuing about your own issues fest.



Feel free to ask. I dont know if that helped?

Well, only partially. But that was due to my defenses & self-doubt, when I actually had a better relationship/chance than I could believe. And that was because this was not the kind of girl anyone thought I could date.
Too bad I thought it too. So sad..

Sincerely,
Matthew

I'm dating someone on the spectrum right now, and I've dated three NT guys.

I am 27..and no never had a girlfriend..do to my lack of confidence in myself and also interaction is difficult for me
I am good on a one to one with people...but more than two people just freaks me out!
hard to go to social places..so that in turn leaves me isolated from people...but would love to overcome my fears and find myself a nice girlfriend....anyone out there interested
I am told i am not too bad looking and have lovely eyes...but hard for me to accept that anyone would be interested in me....but you know the saying" there is always someone out there for everyone....i think i will be waiting a long time for her to come along..if ever.

I don't think I've dated any NTs, well maybe one not sure though it didn't go anywhere so I didn't really learn much about him. Other then that everyone else I've dated even if they didn't have AS certainly where not typical in any way really. Other then that it's rather stressful but worth it until it ends or is close to ending because it hasn't gone anywhere. I have never dated anyone for more than a few months.