´Kind of a vague girl´

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Hello dear aspies,

I was wondering about something. A lot of people have always told me that I am ´special´ or ´such a unique type of person´ or ´a bit different´. Most of you are probably familiar with this yourselves.

About two years ago, when I met a friend/aquaintance of mine, I asked him what he thought about me when he met me. He said 'kind of vague, a vague girl. also very insecure. It probably has something to do with your past' I asked him what he meant by vague. He said 'well, i think you know what you want and what you are capable of. but in the social area... you're kind of vague'. I forgot the rest of what he said. I almost wish I had caught it on tape, so that I could analyze what he said (sounds kinda obsessive, yeah).

And then a a year ago I met another boy -a friend of a friend- who also said a was 'vague'. That was after a -very drunk- party.

Have you had people refer to you like this? What do people mean when they say you are 'vague'? I would really like to know this.

Probably passive. There is a passive Asperger's subtype.

"Vague" usually means "unclear", so I would guess that in a social sense it means they have difficulty reading you or understanding clear signals/communication from you. It may also mean they perceive hesitancy or confusion in your responses or that you seem disconnected from what is going on around you.

I also think "vague" in this sense can be synonymous with "spacey" or "dreamy". I think all of this is fairly normal for an autistic person. If you want to come over as less vague, you could try to make more eye contact, make sure the other person knows you are focusing on them and try to give more clear and confident answers when you are speaking with them.

Just some suggestions, don't take this as gospel as it's hard to say what they meant without knowing you.

What do you mean?

Where I come from "vague" or "vaag" is/was used as slang for hard to understand, difficult to read, unclear. I've told told I was vague a lot too referring to my sometimes strange behaviour/ use of words.

Passive Presentation of AS
"Often amiable, gentle, and easily led. Those passive rather than aloof from infancy may fit AS. More likely than the aloof to have had a mainstream education, and their psych skill profiles are less uneven. Social approaches passively accepted (little response or show of feelings). Characteristic autistic egocentricity less obvious in this group than in others. Activities are limited and repetitive, but less so than other autistics. Can react with unexpected anger or distress. Recognition of their autism depends more on observing the absence of the social and creative aspects of normal development than the presence of positive abnormalities. The general amenability is an advantage in work, and they are reliable, but sometimes their passivity and naivete can cause great problems. If undiagnosed, parents and teachers may be disappointed they cannot keep a job at the level predicted from their schoolwork."

Passive Presentation Asperger's
-passively accepts social approaches as long as the other person initiates and keeps it going
-may enjoy social contact but does not initiate it or seek it out
-may or may not make eye contact
-social approaches from people are tolerated as long as they're not sudden/unexpected or intrusive/disruptive
-quiet, easy going, can engage in activities led by others

There is also this one which could apply to you:

Stilted
Few, if any clues to the underlying subtle handicap upon first meeting. The features of AS are particularly frequent. Early histories vary. Normal range of ability with some peaks of performance. Polite and conventional. Manage well at work. Sometimes pompous and long-winded style of speech. Problems arise in family relationships, where spontaneity and empathy are required. Poor judgement as to the relative importance of different demands on their time. Characteristically pursue interests to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. May have temper tantrums or aggression if routine broken at home, but are polite at work. Diagnosis very often missed. Most attend mainstream schools. Independence achieved in most cases. This group shades into the eccentric end of normality.[u]

Hey! Another Dutchie!

I´m meeting lots of Dutchies lately on the board

Hallo daar back to English : have not met any yet you're the first. Nice to meet you and nice to know I'm not the only "dutchie" here

On topic: I think it might be pointless to ask the meaning of a word in a different language especially if people seem to use the word as part of a popular culture ( don't know how old you are, as it is used mainly by youth )

[b][u]Passive Presentation of AS[/u][/b]
"Often amiable, gentle, and easily led. Those passive rather than aloof from infancy may fit AS. More likely than the aloof to have had a mainstream education, and their psych skill profiles are less uneven. Social approaches passively accepted (little response or show of feelings). Characteristic autistic egocentricity less obvious in this group than in others. Activities are limited and repetitive, but less so than other autistics. Can react with unexpected anger or distress. Recognition of their autism depends more on observing the absence of the social and creative aspects of normal development than the presence of positive abnormalities. The general amenability is an advantage in work, and they are reliable, but sometimes their passivity and naivete can cause great problems. If undiagnosed, parents and teachers may be disappointed they cannot keep a job at the level predicted from their schoolwork."

[b][u]Passive Presentation Asperger's[/u][/b]
-passively accepts social approaches as long as the other person initiates and keeps it going
-may enjoy social contact but does not initiate it or seek it out
-may or may not make eye contact
-social approaches from people are tolerated as long as they're not sudden/unexpected or intrusive/disruptive
-quiet, easy going, can engage in activities led by others

There is also this one which could apply to you:

[b]Stilted[/b]
Few, if any clues to the underlying subtle handicap upon first meeting. The features of AS are particularly frequent. Early histories vary. Normal range of ability with some peaks of performance. Polite and conventional. Manage well at work. Sometimes pompous and long-winded style of speech. Problems arise in family relationships, where spontaneity and empathy are required. Poor judgement as to the relative importance of different demands on their time. Characteristically pursue interests to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. May have temper tantrums or aggression if routine broken at home, but are polite at work. Diagnosis very often missed. Most attend mainstream schools. Independence achieved in most cases. This group shades into the eccentric end of normality.[u][/quote]

Glow-
Thanks this volume of input really has helped me.-alot. although explaining all this to a professional to me seemed useless and unwise at the time. thus i had waited too long to get a diagnosis in the first place. moreover, if it had been studied in greater depth then as it is now, i wouldn't of had the misfortune of having to deal with recurring choices thrust upon me all the time.
its a less personal topic to me now than it was then but many of the decisions i made then that could have been backed up weren't so in essence and hindsight it wasnt worth suggesting this to anyone. who could have known something that would have helped me but didnt take the time to.
if someone had said to me you are either a passive as person or a stilted as person i would have thought no you're wrong, but it dawned on me over time that maybe the environment had alot to do with the way i was coping and feeling about things. Of course much of the way life for me was back then symboled something.
i could do many things and be almost anyone, mainly to please all well-manered folk and all rounders, which somehow suggested over time, that they had changed and i had struggled immensly. although i soon realised that it was nobodys fault apart from i didnt have much thourough guidance in life from my early years right up to early adulthood. i survived mainstream, with added complications but im still here,in the real world and thats what matters. not someones misunderstood skeptiscism of me.

I´ve thought about that but I don´t think the word ´vague´ is just used as part of a popular culture. I have English friends that have referred to me as vague as well...

Vague to these people, because they can't read you like they can read each other.

Yeah, I just wondered how I could come across as less vague. I´ve already read some useful tips

I haven't been called vague, but I have been misunderstood.

One of the reasons is that my body language doesn't always "match" with what I'm saying. This can lead to confusion with others and I guess, can be thought of as "vague". Are you aware of your own body language? You may be sending odd signals that confuse people without knowing it. Anyway, just a thought.