Not able to succeed?

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So, I am currently a Masters student. I will graduate next spring, and then I plan on going for my PhD. I have a terrible track record at being able to keep jobs because of various aspects of autism (I end up quitting, not getting fired...though there are some that I probably would have eventually been fired from had I not quit first). I've decided to focus on academia, and once I graduate with my doctorate, I want to be a professor. What could be better for me than researching what I love, teaching what I love, and writing (a strength of mine)? Nothing! Anyway, my counsellor at school has brought up several times my lack of eye contact. Clearly, it bothers her. I might not pick up on some things, but when she keeps harping over and over about it, I can tell its an issue with her.

Anyway, last week, she basically took her little digs way too far and suggested out-right that being unable to make eye contact will hold me back and no one is going to hire me to be a prof. So basically, no matter how smart I am, no matter how hard I work, it is all fruitless because no university would possibly want me because I have autism. That is how I took what she said. Everything I said in response she twisted (in a rude way) into something I wasn't saying, by responding, "oh, so you mean ________________. I see now." Noooooo that's not what I meant! Needless to say, I am NEVER going back to see her again (something she also took offense to...oh well!) So, was she right? Or am I right thinking that my knowledge and intellectual capabilities should be more important in this field than eye contact abilities?

You're both right & you're both wrong.

She's correct in educating you about the simple fact that being able to make & maintain eye contact with people is a seriously vital social skill in terms of being able to deliver a message successfully and have that person listen to it, as well as believe you vs. perceive your lack of eye contact and possibly anxious body language as being dishonest or rude.

You're correct that there's bound to be a University out there willing to hire you for your specialized knowledge in your chosen field despite your ASD & social quirks. Who knows, the person responsible for hiring you could be an Aspie themselves. There's bound to be a school out there that values knowledge & your ability to convey it to others in whatever means you're able, even if it's always delivering lectures while looking straight at the floor. As a student, I never once took a class and thought "gee, I'd learn more and get a better value out of this lecture if the instructor would just look me in the eye," because I had my head down taking notes anyways.

She's wrong to assume that just because she finds it to be a critical hiring criteria that everyone at every school does. She's also wrong, as your counsellor, to tell you this because it simply isn't possible for her to know with certainty that no one anywhere would ever hire you based on this one thing. It's illogical.

You're wrong to say you'll NEVER see her again, because, IMO, you should. If you haven't explained to her that your lack of eye contact is not an intentional rude or deceptive thing, and is simply neurological, and that you are in fact paying focused attention to what she is saying even though she doesn't see that based on the paradigm she views your lack of eye contact through. If you're more transparent about the behaviours she finds offensive simply being caused by your AS, she may learn to change her perceptions of you. If this is already something you've done and she's choosing to ignore what you've taught her about it, then she's just being a b***h and you shouldn't let her ruin your career plans.

Curious: What field are you studying?

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I'm far too young to offer any insightful opinion on the subject of how likely you would be to be hired, but if this counselor was twisting your words then it sounds like she cared more about her own ego than your success. That's all I can really say on the subject, unfortunately. I can't see any reason for a lack of eye contact to be such a large issue that you wouldn't get a job, though.

I am on a similar, though more long term, path. I went to speak to the head of my course last week, basically to get some kind of reassurance that such a path into academia is possible for me. She was encouraging. However it was clear that she feels that I will need to create work of the highest standard for my ASD traits (which are outwardly obvious for me) to be overlooked. That is a lot of pressure.

This sounds absolutely wrong and absurd.

Some days I have a lot of trouble making eye contact, other days I can fudge it well enough. But I hear you: for you, this is a really constant problem.

I'm going to suggest something glaringly simple:

sunglasses!

What? Yes that's what I do. Then I tell people that I have an eye condition which makes bright lights hurt my eyes. They're really so understanding, ha ha, little do they know!

Having on sunglasses allows me to not feel looked at. I can secretly look anywhere I want to, and no one will make eye contact. Feels really good and safe. Socially acceptable a la medical explanation.

Ha, that's actually pretty good advice.

Reminds me of a short time when I used to wear aviator sunglasses while bartending just for laughs - but in hindsight, it was rather nice to be behind sunglasses. Then the sunglasses look got old and boring & I dropped it.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

littlelily, that was abuse. And if this person knew that you had autism, then it's mental torture. You have to change counselors immediately and threaten her with a lawsuit should she in any way try to cross your path ever again.

I know it sounds very harsh, but this person is obviously sure that you're an easy target for her frustrations, so you have to show her otherwise or she can harm your career. Unless you're sure that there's absolutely no chance that she'll ever cross your path again because you're leaving that university very soon or something.

You're very young and Autism discrimination will only get more and more reduced in the future, especially in academia. She's of course talking nonsense, since academia is the one field where autistics have always been accepted.

The only thing that can be an obstacle for you in academia is not playing politics well. If I were you, I'd take an extra-curricular intensive course in social politics, top priority. And read books on related subjects, such as Sales stuff. And start practising asap.

Very good advice.

Practicing Sales and Customer Service and Negotiation, saved me from being a much weirder person than I am now.

That's ridiculous! She must not know much about academia. Lack of eye contact shouldn't make any difference to your career. I wouldn't worry about her comments. It sounds like she has her own issues to deal with.

Academia does put more emphasis on your research rather than your personality, but in saying that you do need to have some ability to network and work with other people. You don't have to be amazing at it but you do have to do it. Having better body language and social skills does help, especially if you need to get research funding. Being odd is pretty normal in academia.

You still have a long time and you'll figure all this out for yourself during your master's, PhD and post-doc.

If you don't like your counselor then don't go to her.

Relax! She's only trying to help you by telling you the truth. She doesn't want you to waste your time studying for something you can't get a job at. She means to practice on your eye contact.

It sounds like she was being controlling and inflexible, and over-generalizing based on her own opinions and preferences.

While there will definitely be people who would refuse to hire you based on your lack of eye contact (or based on your simply having autism), there are also people who wouldn't care as much about that as they would about your general ability to connect with others (normal eye contact is not necessary unless you are trying to interact with someone who is completely inflexible in their thinking and cannot let it go when a person doesn't meet their expectations for eye contact....otherwise, it IS possible to successfully explain lack of eye contact in professional social situations, if necessary, and you don't even need to mention autism to do so), your ability to convey information clearly, and your ability to assess the depth of knowledge/competence acquired by students.

Lets start from the beginning here.


You know your obviously autistic, and you think you deserve a chance to be a professor.

Yet despite what any university pretends to be, it's a business that gets the bulk of it's funding from teaching.

If you can't show your gonna make them money why are they gonna magically wanna higher you.

This is more or less basic fact.

If you wanted to go into private industry and do research I'm sure this would be less of an issue.

In terms of eye contact and getting a job.... you would just need to maintain the appropriate contact for the interview. If you can do that, then you should be fine. An excessive amount of eye contact shouldn't be needed to be a professor. And I've had plenty of professors who didn't maintain eye contact with me. I would say practice the eye contact and use those skills when absolutely necessary. If you don't feel up to staring into the eys of this counselor, then don't bother.