So little empathy.

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I have a real issue with empathy. I can only feel it in extreme situations, and only with people that are very close to me.

For example, when I saw the news about the train crash in Spain, my housemates (I live in mental health supported housing) were upset about the lives lost. I didn't feel anything for the people who died, but I was a bit upset that the train got ruined.

Another example: the carer's two brothers recently died, who apparently she was very close to. I heard her cry and I heard her tell me how sad she was, but I couldn't feel any emotion towards her. I just said stock phrases and tried to get out of the situation.

I understand the logical basis of caring about others, and I have stood up for people who were being treated badly, but I can't feel empathy 95% of the time.

Anyone else like this?

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I need to practise faking empathy lol.

yeah this is extremely common with AS

actually have more empathy for animals than people, which is weird

oh sorry! just noticed we can edit posts! good to know

This topic is how I actually finally got a diagnosis of AS. Like I stated in my hello, for 20 years they thought i was bi-polar, until my new therapist and I were talking about death. A co-worker of mine lost a parent and I told my therapist that even thought I considered my co-worker to be a good person and liked him as a person but I did not feel anything when they told me he lost a parent the previous day. Heck, the only thought that ran through my head was, "what's for lunch", luckly my auto-pilot/mask kicked on and I said "oh, I'm sorry to hear that, is he doing ok".

I have this problem too. Like I just can't feel anything. I understand the situation and I want to feel bad but I just can't.

Yep, same here, even when it comes to my own family members dying. My dad died pretty early - he had a heart attack and I actually did CPR on him until the ambulance arrived, but he didn't make it. I didn't really cry much... Went to work the next day, didn't mention it to anybody and went on with life as normal.

My attitude has always been to first ask, "can I fix this problem?" If there's nothing that can be done, I try to gather whatever lessons I can from it and move on. No sense in staying upset over something you have no control over. However, I did take away a lot of things and changed my life for the better: ALWAYS make sure whatever you say to someone could stand as the last words you spoke to them in case you never see them again, eat healthy and work out hard, don't put off doing "bucket list" things until you retire because you might not live that long, etc.

Sorry I'm of absolutely no use... Whenever somebody loses someone they know I have to try hard not to say, "suck it up, we're all going to die soon enough too." But I know that's not what they want to hear, so I just avoid talking to them instead.

Yes. I also remember John Robison writing in his book what hypocrites people are because they will have sympathy for the people involved in the disaster but yet have no sympathy over his difficulties and people with invisible disabilities.


I remember when 9/11 happened, I felt concerned about the World Trade Centers and didn't like they were on fire and was sad they crashed into the buildings rather than thinking about peoples lives and how it was effecting families. But honestly, other kids seemed to be the same way in my school, they didn't seem concerned either and they got tired of hearing about it in class when teachers kept obsessing about it and making them watch the news about it and at least there was no school work. Don't forget the kids in my choir acted excited about WWIII starting and it freaked me out. And I'm cold hearted? So were the other kids then. One of them even would rant about what a b***h her teacher is for talking about the disaster and how we are going to keep getting attacked and all and when I would joke about the world trade centers, don't forget how the freshman were forced to take down the fake World Trade Centers on their homecoming float by our school principal when she inspected our floats before parade day. When you have Asperger's, it's the Asperge'rs that made you feel this way about the disaster.
I think it was just called being a normal teen. But when you have autism, people will blame it on such and forget about the normal kids doing it too.

To see another person suffering and resonate emotionally with their experience is SYMPATHY.

EMPATHY is the ability to see and register another individual's body language and be able to assess what their current emotional state is, by reading those cues.

Not the same thing.

If you see a friend sitting and staring out the window, but you cannot tell whether they are sad, thoughtful or lost in whimsy, you may lack EMpathy. If you see two people sitting together holding hands and are unable to ascertain whether it is a gesture of affection, or one is comforting the other in a time of loss, or just reading their pulse, you may lack EMpathy.

If you see someone suffering and just don't care, you lack SYMpathy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathizi ... ve_empathy

I can be TOO emphatic sometimes, especially when it's over something morally wrong or unjust. But when I read about the train crash I was like "Oh no, not ANOTHER one". As in, "If traveling by train isn't safe, then no type of transportation is, not by plane, definitely not by car," I was more concerned about my own safety if I traveled that way than the actual victims whom I don't even know. Well I guess I don't have to worry since there aren't any train stations where I live. There used to be one when I was a kid, my class and I even rode on it once during a field trip, but it closed down years ago. Guess I'm pretty much trapped where I live.