lack of empathy and my pet bunny-to keep or to give

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I never take care of him my mom does because I just..... I don't know. I love him. But maybe I'm just not ready for a bunny. You see my cats are one thing but for some reason my bunny is another. I love him so much but.... I never play with him or let him out (He does have a big cage just to let you know-we built it it's not a pet shop cage) I can never feed him because I'm too tired and I guess..... I just don't have enough empathy. He once went 3 days without food. I know that's cruel and sick. But it was one time. Usually my mom feeds him but she was out of town. I know if I love him I should give him a better life but.... it's so hard. I feel like I need to give this one more chance.... but I always say that-my moms right. My cousin who might be autistic (Probably is he has SO may symptoms) whom is 5 and his little pro and my aunt and uncle might take him for us... That would be a great life I know but.... I think my extreme lack of empathy for him stems from the fact I'm not used to having a bunny and I can't let him roam because of my other pets so I can't connect with him. Should I give him up? It hurts. When my mom brought this up in the car today I started to cry but I stopped myself from going full on weeping. I love him so much. I got him for my birthday when he was a baby. What should I do? Is there a solution to this?

I would keep him. It is obvious that you are very attached to him. You can learn to take good care of him because you want to. I would write a list of everything you need to do for him everyday like feeding him and write down what time you should do those things by. You can see the list when you wake up and every day check off on the list when you have done it. You can put it on a calendar so that it will be easier to do it daily or do it on the computer if that works for you. I would also spend time every day where you take him out of the cage and hold him and cuddle with him. He would love that. It is also possible that your cats will get along with him very well. Many times cats and rabbits do great together and you can try introducing them one at a time to see if it will work. Rabbits are also very easy to litter box train and your pet shop or veterinarian can tell you how to do that and how to introduce him to the cats properly. I can see that you really love him and it's hard enough for us to have close friends so hopefully you won't need to give him away. Rabbits make great friends.

It sounds more like an executive functioning issue than an empathy issue. I agree try the list option and see if you can handle it then if you can't find a new home for your bunny.

A meal.

We had to bug bomb the house so we also cleaned the cage and got him a new mat. While transferring him a couple times I got to cuddle him and hold him close to my chest. I'm gonna give this another shot and follow skibum's tips.

I hate saying this but I'm guilty of this as well. I don't lack the empathy but something stands in the way of me doing the things my pets need. I have three dogs who adore me but I'm not good with showing them my affection. I then feel extreme guilt later on and cry over it. I have trouble taking care of myself too though. My pets sometimes over stimulate me from their barking and neediness of me and I wonder if that keeps me from taking care of them well. I am fortunate to have a mom who absolutely adores my dogs though and she takes care of them 99% of the time and I only need to let them outside once in a while and I trained our new dog "come" and "sit". But that's about all I do/did. I say give your bunny to a person who has the time and capabilities to take care of it.

If you can take care of pet, and pet has a good life and is happy and healthy.

I dont see why you shouldn have pets.

I think most people would be surprised how many "Normal" are terrible at having pets.

I had a pair of chinchillas, an obsession from 11 years ago, for a long time. I never neglected them and like your bunny they had a big cage, but my circumstances changed and they were living in a storage room where I couldn't let them out.

I finally decided to find them a new home and they're now with a family with children. It wasn't easy but for me, it was the right thing.

I don't think your issue is empathy related but it doesn't sound like you're mature enough to care for an animal that doesn't come and remind you when it needs feeding.

I have a bunny too -- he's my second one. My first bunny was the best bunny ever -- never pooped or peed outside of his cage, never bit anyone, and loved to be held like a baby in my arms (which made nail clipping so much easier)... this new one sucks, though. He is incapable of learning and is very skittish by nature. If I let him out, he manages to get under the furniture, no matter how hard I try to bunny-proof. Sometimes, it's not you, it's him. So, he doesn't get to run around currently -- my husband keeps saying he'll make him a playpen, but he never gets around to it.

Nevertheless, you need to feed and water your bunny. Mine reminds me himself -- I'm surprised yours doesn't -- by looking at me in a particular way that makes me feel guilty if I don't get him his food right away. He gets fed twice per day -- once with timothy hay and then again later with pellets. I also check his water bottle every three days or so and give him the occasional treat. I do need to give him fresh greens more often -- I've really slacked off on that lately because I've been so distracted and it's hard for me to get to the grocery store.

Anyway, I understand if you have to get rid of your bunny -- sometimes, it's just not the right fit. But I also know it can be scary to give up a pet -- my husband bought some mice that had babies that we had to give up, and I still wonder about them. We gave them to a place that said it would find them good homes, so I know they weren't eaten, but I do hope they were well cared for. And I know I'd feel that way if I gave up my bunny, as uncuddly as he is, so I'm keeping him and singing to him and petting him and trying to get him more used to me. I'm finding that I do care about him, despite all he is lacking.

If you love the bunny, maybe put up a written schedule for when you can take your bunny out of its cage and pet it. (Half hour should be good.) Make a schedule for when to clean its cage, when to add food and water. Ask someone else to check in on it to make sure it's done.

I'm not sure how a five year old could take any better care of it than you could, to be honest. Main question is, do you want to?

Animals like routine, so make a routine and you'll both feel happier, is my guess.

The thing to remember is that Bunnies are social animals, if you don't spend time with them they can get quite depressed. Luckily we don't have any other animals so my rabbit is free range - he has no cage and is free to go wherever he wants. Usually though he is by my side because he just seems to love my company more than anyone else in the house. Rabbits are exceptionally easy to house train - easier than cats even. and we never have puddles from him at all, and only the occasional dropping where he has missed the litter tray!

Might I suggest that you set aside an hour or so each day where you lock yourself in a room with the bunny and let him explore the room and play with you. That way he gets to socialise without fear of the cats deciding to hunt him. Spending this time together will be good for you as well as for him. Ideally it should be a room without exposed cables as they have a tendency to chew through them.

@ mrspotatohead, My bunny was quite skittish at first too, still is a bit. but if you persevere he will become more friendly with time. We soon learned that we have to approach the rabbit from the front and low down so that he can see us coming. If you approach from above (i.e.. your hand coming down from above) he will try to escape, because his instinct tells him its an eagle coming to get him! Rabbits are prey animals so their instincts are based on avoiding being caught and eaten. For the same reason he doesn't like being scooped up and lifted into the air! even if its just picking him up to be cuddled. You were very lucky with your first bunny that he was very docile in that area.

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Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.

My suggestion would be for your mother to tell you to clean his cage when it's time and feed and water him. I think she should tell you to get him out and let him hop around and keep an eye on him while he is, or let him hop in your room if your other pets will bother him. That's what I had to do with my daughter. We had almost the exact situation.

She's turning 17 next month and for her 15th birthday we got her a bunny. She had wanted one for years. We got her a Giant Flemish Rabbit. For about the first week, maybe less, she did everything for him and paid attention to him, then she would put it off and not do it. I would tell her "Clean your bunny and feed him" in the mornings before school and she would tell me she would do it after school I'd wait because he had water and I'd give him a little snack or something but he is her bunny. She would come home from school and I'd tell her "Clean your bunny and feed him" and she would tell me "I am. I'll do it in just a minute". Well, "a minute" never came. I'd dump a little food in there and wait for her to come and clean and feed him right and get him out, and she would have fallen asleep that night. So, I'd get mad at her but I'd clean the bunny and do all that for him and get him out and let him hop around. That went on for a few months and I just gave up and said forget it, I'll just do it myself during the day while she's at school and not worry about it because it's less hassle.

That was the wrong thing to do, because she would ignore him until for some reason she wanted to get him out for a few minutes and pet him or play with him. My husband would get him out when he came home from work and let him hop around and he played with him more than she did. Finally about 6 or 8 months ago I told her "I'm sick and tired of taking care of your rabbit! If you don't take care of him yourself I'm giving him to somebody who will!" She said no, don't, and promised to do it. So I'd tell her to and when I'd get the "I will, in a minute" I told her no, to get up and do it right then, and I made her do it right then. She would get cranky at first and fussy and snap at me and ignore me for about an hour after but after a few weeks she stopped that and now I just remind her every day to do her bunny. She does it now.

I think you should tell your mother about this and about how my daughter who is your age does and ask her if she will do you like I did my daughter. Come tell you when it's time to clean and feed him and get him out and stand right there over you telling you to come on and do it until you get up and do it. You'll get into the habit of doing it after a little while and it won't be so bad, and you'll enjoy him more. I still have to remind her every day, and your mom will probably have to do that for you too, but you'll be learning responsibility for your animals, and you'll also be enjoying him a whole lot more.

You said he can't hop around because of your other pets. What other pets do you have and what happens when he goes around them? We have two wolf hybrids that stay in the house. They don't bother him. They actually avoid him and go into the other room and I'll shut the door so they are left alone. We now have a kitten who loves to play with him, and he's chill about that. I think he knows it's a baby. When the kitten starts to get on his nerves he will thump and hope away. If your other pets aren't trying to bite him, why not try introducing them and letting him hop around and keep a close eye on him and see what happens? Ours hops around the house for hours now and just does his own thing. Sometimes the dogs are even out there. They ignore each other completely.

I really do think you should get your mother to do this. Also, I think you should make an agreement with her that if this doesn't work, you give him away.

Let us know what happens.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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If you have other pets, the bunny would have a better life and more attention with other people then let it go to a new home.

I know this is an empathy issue because when he hasn't eaten I don't feel bad. I just don't. I feel nothing. But I do feel love for him. And as a girl who's adopted I know if I love him I should give my baby up to a better life. So I'll ask my aunt if she wants him. She has a likely autistic little boy and another little boy and then there's my uncle. I'm sure they'd love him. I'll ask them. The likely autistic one is very gentle with animals and loves them. It hurts me but this is what I need to do.

I don't know it's really an "empathy" issue so much as a "mirror-emotion" issue.

You see, there are different kinds of empathy.

Cognitive empathy: The ability to work out what another person is feeling.
Altruism: The desire to help someone who is suffering.
Mirror-emotion empathy: The tendency to copy other people's feelings.

In this situation, you have cognitive empathy and altruism: You understand that your bunny is being neglected, with not much to do and on one occasion having had to go three days without food (possibly having to eat his bedding, which was probably not very tasty).

The only kind of empathy you're missing is the kind that causes you to "catch" other people's emotions just by seeing them. Neurotypicals will look at each other, and if they see that the other person is feeling happy, they will start to automatically feel happy. Same with sadness, fear, anger... It's the reason for lynch mobs and panics. It's also the reason why NTs can pull together and do amazing things when they feel for someone else. Without this mirror-emotion empathy, you can see your bunny hungry but not suffer yourself.

Now, you are being pretty mature about this. You notice that you do not automatically feel what your bunny is feeling, and that therefore your bunny is not getting its needs met. Your love for your pet is a simple fact, rather than an emotional tie, which has led you to conclude that, logically, if your pet will be better off elsewhere, then you should give the bunny away. (The very fact that you are worrying about your bunny's welfare tells me that you do have empathy when it counts.)

In the end, it doesn't matter all that much why your bunny is being neglected. The fact is that he is--he doesn't get played with much, and though your mom is making sure his basic needs are being met, he doesn't have much company or much to do. If you know of a person who would adopt your bunny and give him a better environment, then giving him away would actually show a lot of empathy.

I've been recently working on my autism memorial project, and there are parents out there who neglected their autistic children for far longer than three days. Because they refused to ask for help, claimed to "love" their children while still not meeting their needs, their children died. You are a mile ahead of these people by understanding the reality of your bunny's needs and wanting to have them met--even if that means he will no longer stay with you.

Most of those parents are neurotypical. And you're worrying about an animal, not a child. Are you really sure you don't have any empathy? The sort of "love" that clings to a child that a mother can't care for, even when the child is suffering, is not love at all.

So here's my advice: If you can't find a way to make sure that your bunny is being cared for, yes, you should give him away, and no, that would not be evidence that you lack empathy. Does your mother like your bunny? If so, she might be willing to formally adopt him--move him to her room, make him formally her pet instead of yours. Otherwise, you might be able to ask around among relatives. There are also "rabbit rescues" in some places that could help you find an adoptive home.