Often get attacked for joining in discussions

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Anyone have the experience where I will try to join in a discussion on a emotional topic, only to end up attacked by at least one or maybe more persons? Often it is only because I'm trying to point out something or playing devils advocate, it seems like most people think in polarized "either with me or against me" terms and my odd word usage makes them think I hold views I don't.

Lets say people are talking about pedophiles, I might point out that pedophiles can't help who they are attracted to, then someone will like attack me saying I support raping children.

I am sick of this happening to the point I intentionally try to stay out of emotional or delicate situation discussion because I KNOW someone will misunderstand me and attack me. It seems like I'm missing the "value" of certain words, like how most people assume your use of certain words or phrases indicates what viewpoint you hold.

Well your luck has been better than mine already. Most people I talk to are upset about any topic if I don't agree with them, even non-sensitive stuff. Now I only say whatever I want to the few people I trust who are rational, logically people who don't mind a debate. Save your thoughts for your close friends or people you know are logical, and just always agree or be neutral with other people. Practice things like "I see your point" "Ya you MIGHT be right" "you don't say?" "who'd have thought?"...etc. Then you'd be considered sympathetic and vague, about the best you can hope for really, unless you want to be a skilled liar.

(It's not that bad to become a skilled liar, might come useful some day.)

Another neutral response to use in volatile situations is, "I can tell you feel very strongly about that." I could imagine reserving this for the in-laws and co-workers.

I've always appreciated logical debate but there was a time when I still clung to societal norms. I remember in college I couldn't rationally engage in a debate over anything taboo like infanticide or even homosexuality. Since I've matured I've learned to appreciate the people I once thought were way off base. One of my friends pointed out research on the function that pedophiles serve in society but I'm still not likely to bring that up in conversation. Words come out of my mouth faster than I think them through, so I'm often misunderstood. I probably won't be the one playing devils advocate in that case.

There is one person I know who plays that role so often that it gets old. I haven't spoken to her in a while so maybe my feelings would be different now. It could have just been the wrong place at the wrong time. But one of the things i appreciate most in my boyfriend is that he's always there to call me out when I'm being irrational or just being a b***h (: There's a healthy balance I guess.

I'm learning to fight the urge to dole out advice and knowledge or ask questions at every impulse. Save it for people who are asking for it. But don't be someone you're not either. Pick your battles and stand up for your beliefs if you can back them up. You might have a friend or acquaintance who isn't quite ready to be close to you now but would appreciate your friendship much more at a later time.

People often have a personal attachment to their opinions; to attack the opinion is to attack a part of them, and they respond as if personally insulted. In person, a soft, reasonable tone and non-confrontational approach combined with gentle questioning is often the best way to approach a contentious topic, where as online a more direct route can be taken. In any case, you have to be prepared to take the heat if you want to participate in any discussion of controversial topics, it's just the price of admission.

I've been banned from numerous discussion forums for this kind of thing.

I just get the urge to take the opposing line sometimes as I can't stand it when everyone is basically just agreeing with everyone else - where's the interest in that??

There's no skill at all in agreeing with what the last person said but being able to hold your own against a whole board saying you're wrong is far more of an achievement in my book

Just because the whole world think something does not make it true or right

People on forums usually just want to be one of the gang and fit in - most aren't there for intellectual debate - they want people to be friendly and nice to them and as a result of this need they will do anything to avoid conflict - they will be prepared to say black is white so long as they're still in the gang

Once you realise this you will realise that most are not interested in the truth of an argument, they are more interested in whether the majority agree with it and whether they themselves will be unpopular for agreeing with this person or that one

It's often not about what is being said; it's who is saying it

It is not unusual for a spirited debate about any issue to have the potential to give some involved in the debate that they are being personally attacked. I think that is more true on discussion boards such as this because people have little clue as to your demeanor other than what little they can glean from the choice of words.

That the vast majority of people are not gifted writers who are capable of writing in a way that their arguments makes it that much more difficult. Even in a live debate, it is not unusual for individuals to misinterpet others and escalate the debate into personal attacks or feelings that they are being personally attacked.

In my opinion most peoples' forte is via the spoken word and they are on the back foot in the written word and hence they don't like not being able to use their normal methods of influence that they can use face to face

in words it's all about the logic and the meaning whereas vocally this can be very low down in the mix as people are using their personality far more to influence discussion

hence people who rely on their charisma/personality are at a disadvantage in writing in my opinion as charisma etc is all about facial expressiveness etc which can't be seen online

Writing is more about brainpower; speaking is more about personality

I find that the majority of people simply don't have the ability to see that most points of discussion have vast grey areas. 99.99% of "discussions" very quickly dissolve into either -
A: two sets of people taking polar opposite views, and defending those points of view as if their life depended on it, eschewing any intervention by logic, intellect or reason;
or B: the majority all agree on a point at it's simplest level, and then gang up on anyone who even hints at something not entirely in agreement, even if it is the truth.

Personally, I am disgusted by both sets of behaviour.

Embarrassingly though, I agree with everyone in the thread so far. I can relate to what you have all said.

People tend to twist anything you say when there are emotions involved. This happens to everyone. I have seen debates online and people go by logic, twist words, and attacks happen but if it's heavily moderated, people are able to debate and not do insults and attack but they still twist things someone says and go by logic.

It's very difficult to discuss pedophilia rationally. Even people on the spectrum fail at this too. I am one of the few who can talk about it rationally without feeling too much emotion.

No, but I have got the ''we wasn't talking to you'' look, as though they accused me of forever butting in when I clearly wasn't. I was just trying my hardest to be more confident in myself and be friendly, but unfortunately it didn't work. So when I sit quietly in a group and don't say anything, I then get people saying ''you're quiet'', then others going, ''she's always quiet''. I know they don't mean that in a critical way, but I still get annoyed and sometimes I feel like saying ''well I am only this quiet because I have been knocked back before by people when trying to join in. If social rules weren't that concise then I probably would be a lot more joy to be around.'' I should learn that not all people are as catty as the ones that accused me of butting in, because when that happened a few NTs did actually stick up for me and said ''she's not doing anything wrong, she likes us and is just trying to be friendly by joining in, the same as you are.'' That shut them up then.

I agree with the OP. I sometimes see that happen here on WP. I can think of one current thread like that and a few older ones. Yes, the example that the OP gave about pedophiles is a good example of that. I can see the OP's point in that. People will try to interpret you in a way that would be offensive to them so that they can then attack you. It's as if they were hoping that you are immoral and horrible, and the victim is a poor poor thing, so that they can criticize you. They seem to do it to exaggerate their point. It's a bit like a simplistic emotion-evoking movie in which the villain is absolutely evil, the victim is an innocent angel and the main character is an absolute saint. When people are like that, there's no point in discussing anything, because they are just so willing to twist your words that they wouldn't allow any rational discussion.

Which current thread would that be?

if something offends a person it offends them

I bet there's things that would mortally offend you but I might say 'Oh that's nothing' but you wouldn't feel any less offended by them

The problem with a lot of people is they have few to no objective standards and when a person does try and impose a standard they say they're making a fuss about nothing

Then 10 years down the line when things are a hundred times worse because no one listened to the person trying to impose the standard (and being shouted down or ridiculed for it), everyone will suffer

this concept can only be explained to people who care about society and boundaries though. Most people are looking no further than their own pleasure and convenience at any one time

A defender of boundaries will never be popular but they serve an important function

what do the people who are prepared to let anything pass bring to society exactly I wonder?

But no, people want to let just about anything pass these days

Just don't come crying to me about how depraved and morally bankrupt society is when you become an inevitable victim
of it all because I won't want to hear it!

Sodom and Gomorrah can descend for all I care (it more or less already has!) - and it will serve all these 'stop making a fuss about nothing' types right!

Without specific examples, your post makes almost no sense...

I asked the previous poster which 'current thread' they were referring to as I'm almost certain I know exactly which one they mean

If it is that thread my post pertains to it

I dislike it when people allude to things to make an accusation without spelling out exactly what they mean

It's like having a go ambiguously

Having got over the trauma of that other thread it's like someone wanted to dig it right up again and I don't appreciate it!

They need to name the thread

I do find that people tend to read things into what I say that I didn't intend. I try to avoid it but can't, they always seem to be one step ahead and determined to find some extremist, polarized, controversial connotation in anything I might say on a controversial topic.

This is pretty frustrating since my positions on most controversial topics don't actually fall in line with any of the usual ones. I can't usually "take sides" but people will put me on a side regardless (I've even been yelled at simultaneously by both sides for being on the other side).

nessa238, I'm not going to name the thread or any member because being specific/personal can sometimes put you in an unnecessary argument and I'm not really up to it. Maybe it's, as you said, "having a go ambiguously", but that's how I avoid direct conflict.

Any way, the thread I was thinking of has nothing to do with you. I wasn't even aware that you had a hard time in some other thread. I really just wanted to agree with the OP of this thread in my previous post. If that post caused any distress to you, I apologize to you for that.