Feeling like I have two personalities

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In some way I feel like I have two personalities. I'm split in some way. Not in a schizophrenic kind of way. But I've learned how to consciously switch between the two "modes" in me.

On the one hand I have this autistic persona in me.

On the other hand I have a persona in me who is more NT than many NTs.

Is it common to feel that way when having Aspergers?


I'm balancing between this mathematical- and fact-clever, shy, humble immature boy, and this confident, motivated, mature, responsible man with lots of temper and visions and desires for life.

How should I interpret this?

I'm very much a logical black-and-white thinker. I can often see the gray solution, but it doesn't fit me. I'm not content with it. I prefer the black or white solution.

From my own experience, YES. That is exactly how I feel. Congratulations, you have learned how to cope and "fit in" to the NT world.




Depends on the situation. I have found that learning how to "pass" does eventually teach you how to think like an NT, when appropriate.

The "gray solution" may not fit you, which is fine, but sometimes it fits other people and situations. Being able to see both can be quite helpful. This means that you will know (if you don't already) when to go for the "gray."

A word of caution: make sure to make time for the "Aspie" you. While both sides are legitimately part of yourself (you have made them so), the "NT" persona can get tiring after a while. If you've ever read about older Aspies feeling their symptoms more acutely than they did when younger, that's part of the reason--keeping the "NT" side always turned on. It's happened to me. I had to learn to embrace both, and make time for the "AS" side, which is far less taxing.

I feel things like that a fair bit. I am very, very definitely a black and white thinker. Though I try to at least be aware of that and keep in mind that things that seem very binary to me might not to other people.

The other thing you were talking about... For me, it's not separate personalities to me, exactly. I tend to think of it as putting on a mask or something. Or maybe armor if I'm heading into a situation I think will be stressful or tough.

The "masked" version of me is still me. I don't fake anything, but I don't want to do the wrong thing, or unintentionally say something hurtful or make other people uncomfortable. Of course I still get it wrong sometimes, and it takes a lot of effort and can be kind of draining... But it's usually worth the effort. Though if I'm stressed or upset it can be extra draining to the point of being impossible.

Ya Conundrum I need to make more time for the Aspie side myself. usually my NT self at a Baby shower and a party over the weekend for Madison was me shutting down not talking much. There were so many people it was overwhelming. Personally with family drama it nags in my brain which is draining. Wish I could be more Aspie honestly.