Do people avoid eye-contact with you?

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tjr1243
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18 Mar 2013, 2:03 pm

..or do they generally look you in the eye?

I have the disconcerting experience of people avoiding eye-contact with me for some reason. I know this is kind of ironic, as many of us on the spectrum dread eye-contact.

However, with age I've come to appreciate people at least acknowledging my presence by looking me in the eye (as I make an effort to look them in the eye).... but NO, people often look other people in the eye but not me :( It heightens the feeling of being ignored and invisible. It should not bother me, but it does.

Anyone else with the same experience? Do people avoid your gaze or meet it head on?



franknfurter
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18 Mar 2013, 2:24 pm

:D i dont really notice to be honest, my friends will make eye contact with me fine and i can with them, but with teachers they wont stop looking at me so im forced to look them in the eye which i do not like becasue it makes me twitchy.

is it everyone you have noticed not looking at you or just some, because some people might be just shy.



tjr1243
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18 Mar 2013, 2:39 pm

franknfurter wrote:
:D i dont really notice to be honest, my friends will make eye contact with me fine and i can with them, but with teachers they wont stop looking at me so im forced to look them in the eye which i do not like becasue it makes me twitchy.

is it everyone you have noticed not looking at you or just some, because some people might be just shy.


Just some... but it still bothers me because I know they are not shy (based on their extroverted behavior) and they seem to have no problem looking others in the eye. Of course, I don't know for sure if they are shy, but they look others in the eye and seem comfortable with it.



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18 Mar 2013, 3:26 pm

tjr1243 wrote:
..or do they generally look you in the eye?

I have the disconcerting experience of people avoiding eye-contact with me for some reason. I know this is kind of ironic, as many of us on the spectrum dread eye-contact.


Perhaps you're focusing a bit too much on eye-contact, giving people the impression you're trying to stare into their soul? :wink:



Joe90
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18 Mar 2013, 4:32 pm

Er, it depends with me it really does. When I'm in a group, I notice I can be making as much friendly eye contact as I like (I don't make too much as staring at people is not natural for me but I make an appropriate amount), and nobody makes eye contact with me back, which makes it harder to join in to the conversation.

But when I'm anywhere among strangers, (on the street, in shops, etc) I get stared at by everyone (well, mostly inconsiderate woman in their 60s).

So I have gazes from people in situations where I'd rather not be noticed at all, and I don't get gazes from people in situations where I want to be noticed.

Typical and unexplainable!


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18 Mar 2013, 5:02 pm

I wouldn't know as eye contact really freaks me out so i pay attention to the exterior part of the face.



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18 Mar 2013, 6:40 pm

ghoti wrote:
I wouldn't know as eye contact really freaks me out so i pay attention to the exterior part of the face.


This is how i do, or i look in their general direction. If i know them well enough i will fleeting glance at them.
I would make the worst witness, my gf says since i don't really look at people. Especially not faces.
Also its likely i wouldn't remember the last hour after i seen the person.

It takes me a long time to get names down to their faces. It took me months for a 10 year old neighbor and he finally spelled out his name for me to get it.



EstherJ
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18 Mar 2013, 7:43 pm

I don't know. I'm so busy trying to keep my eyes as far away as possible....



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18 Mar 2013, 8:20 pm

I think when I'm self-conscious and rather force myself to have eye contact, it often makes other people uncomfortable and they look away.

Other situations where people seem to avoid eye contact include, as you said, when they don't want to acknowledge your presence or when they are not willing to talk (communicate) with you. Pretty much they are feeling negative about you.

Those are just my observations, but I believe I'm right.



ShelbyGt500
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18 Mar 2013, 10:32 pm

I also have the direct eye gaze. It makes normal people uncomfortable and it's extremely uncomfortable for autistics who have trouble with eye contact. Actually, it's kind of cool to know that somebody else on this site has that characteristic. Coincidentally, my other autistic characteristics are that I don't communicate using tone of voice or facial expressions.



Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 18 Mar 2013, 11:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Mar 2013, 11:50 pm

I would have to remember to look at their eyes in order to find out. I never can seem to manage it.



ShelbyGt500
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18 Mar 2013, 11:58 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Er, it depends with me it really does. When I'm in a group, I notice I can be making as much friendly eye contact as I like (I don't make too much as staring at people is not natural for me but I make an appropriate amount), and nobody makes eye contact with me back, which makes it harder to join in to the conversation.

But when I'm anywhere among strangers, (on the street, in shops, etc) I get stared at by everyone (well, mostly inconsiderate woman in their 60s).

So I have gazes from people in situations where I'd rather not be noticed at all, and I don't get gazes from people in situations where I want to be noticed.

Typical and unexplainable!


Would you describe yourself as having the direct-eye gaze?



btbnnyr
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19 Mar 2013, 1:16 am

No, people don't avoid eye contact with me. They generally look me in the eye when I look them in the eye.


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19 Mar 2013, 1:46 am

I think the eye contact we give can scare some people off. Maybe we have powerful eyes that can be intimidating? I know I hate intimidating eyes.



kx250rider
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19 Mar 2013, 9:50 am

No, I don't think other people (NTs at least), avoid eye contact with me, but I try to avoid eye contact with most people, and when I have to use it to be polite, it's forced, and most people say it comes across as "faked".


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19 Mar 2013, 10:23 am

Kinme wrote:
I think the eye contact we give can scare some people off. Maybe we have powerful eyes that can be intimidating? I know I hate intimidating eyes.


yeah i think so. i have very powerfull green eyes. and i am also half black so that totally creeps people out when i look at them in such an intense way