Is this aspergers?

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Firstly, I am a 23 year old female studying computer science, now doing a masters thesis.

When I was little, I was a very hyperactive kid, and did a few weird things (such as being in my own world, making a fuss about things not being done the way I wanted, etc), but this all largely stopped by the time I was about 6. Apparently I didn't learn to talk until a year or 2 later than I should have, and when I did talk I spoke weirdly (but my speech is completely normal now, and was pretty normal by the time I was around 5 or 6, as far as I know. I think I caught up quickly

I have been diagnosed with ADHD which I am SURE I have as I am hyper, easily excitable, and just seek excitement wherever I can find it (and in MBTI terms I am an ENTP, so yeah...)

My mother always thought I had aspergers, but doctors refused to diagnose it when I was little. When I was 14, she forced me (against my will) to see a doctor who has it herself, in order to try and get a diagnosis. I refused to speak during the appointment or answer all the ret*d questions I was asked (because I was upset about being labelled with aspergers), and at the end it was concluded I had aspergers.

I was bullied endlessly in school, since when I was a little kid, and was just never given a chance to interact with my peers. I had a few friends, but not many.

Now that I am in postgrad at university, I like being able to interact with people, I am in an office with a lot of other people who are interesting to be around (which is what I requested, as I hated being in an office with boring serious people who will never talk and have no sense of humour), and I am sad if I have to be by myself for a long time. I love tutoring and figuring out new ways of how to explain ideas to students in order to help them understand (teaching first year programming).

I've always had this weird problem though. Quite often I feel tired and zoned out and a bit disconnected from the world. I HATE being in that state. I find it tough to interact with people as they just aren't completely there but it frustrates me because I want to be fully with what is happening, and able to interact. This particularly happens towards the end of the day, and on days that I just feel tired all day (which can sometimes go for several days at a time). When I am in that state, I can't get much work done either. I just feel too out of it, and I just don't want do anything, but then I still get really bored so kinda have to force myself to do something which is just frustrating. And my social ability seems a lot more limited in this state.

As a kid and teenager, this was even worse when I was forced to take ritalin. It turned me into even more of a zombie (I was forced to take it from age 5 - 16)

But then at other times, I feel completely with it, I'm actually "in" the world, and I'm able to interact with people, and I think I'm a lot more aware of subtle social things, etc. And I find interaction with people energising, a lot of fun, and I'm happy. And I can get work done in that state! I really wish I was like this all the time, being zoned out and disconnected is so frustrating as I just want to be with it and having fun.

This has been a problem for me as long as I can remember (I am 23 now).

Unfortunately I am probably zoned out a bit more often than not, which makes things tough.

In the last few years, friends and other people who have gotten to know me well say they really doubt that I have aspergers, as my social ability is just too high for it, I have never really obsessed about any one topic, I can hold normal conversations easily (when not too zoned out), I am really good at understanding how people learn (useful for tutoring), and I can be incredibly manipulative (consciously, I KNOW I'm being manipulative, and I'm good at it, but I've only admitted it to a few people that I do it) and I can appear the way I want to people depending on the situation (for example, when finding a new flat I somehow knew exactly how to act in order to come across as an ideal tenant that they'd be very happy to have and wouldn't question, and was then easily able to give the impression I wanted to).

Sometimes I keep talking even though I know the other person is bored, but because I don't want to stop even though I know I should (I am impulsive and hyperactive!). Are people with aspergers unaware that they should stop? Or are they like me in that they are aware, but don't want to, and don't have the self control to stop?

And while I like interacting with people, I don't like parties, alcohol (I don't drink at all), and loud noise that makes it impossible to hear anybody. I like interesting meaningful conversation rather than loud silliness (although maybe that's because these things tend to happen in the evening, and I tend to be really tired in the evening).

Oh, and I had a large amount of what seemed to be social anxiety in high school, but this has disapeared a lot over the last year or so. I used to be scared to make eye contact with people (I felt I wasn't allowed and that they'd be mad at me for it), but now that I have started making eye contact it doesn't bother me near as much.

Is this aspergers? Is it possible for aspergers to kinda turn on and off depending on how tired you are?

No matter how good the description, it is very hard to say from text alone whether a person has autism. You do seem to have several of the symptoms though.

Many people with autism have to consciously apply the social rules which are second nature to NTs. When you are tired, it can be hard to keep applying these rules. However, being tired also generally makes humans less able to do anything.

Does everybody with aspergers find the zoned out state they are always in frustrating, and wish they could just... snap out of it and be fully focussed on the world?

It's kinda like looking through an unfocussed lens. And it drives me crazy. But luckily at least some of the time it focuses and things are "normal"

Could be both ADHD & AS, as you certainly have a lot of symptoms/traits.

Being tired is going to amplify symptoms of either, or both. Fatigue is symptom of ADHD. I'm not sure if it is an ASD thing or not. It's also possible that you're tired from all of the intellectual processing it takes to interact socially and you just get worn out once in a while, just mentally exhausted because of it. I know I'm AS, but I've had very social jobs and people who view me in those settings don't think I have any problems with social interaction, but they have no idea the social anxiety I may be experiencing, or how draining it is to have to intellectually process every social cue & response in as near to real time as possible in order to deliver a passable act.. but then retreat to solitude afterwards to relax and recharge. Fatigue and brain fog sluggishness can also be brought on by food intolerances & chemical sensitivities that are common in ADHD/AS people. (Gluten, Casein & Salicylate Acids mainly, but also possibly artificial flavours, colors, preservatives, hydrolized vegetable proteins, corn, soy.) Or from vitamin &/or mineral deficiencies (B12, Sulphur, Magnesium, ____ other?), or some combination of all of the above - of course.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Certainly I can relate to the zonning out, as I STILL do it on a regular basis. Also, I daydream incessantly. Always have.
I am still awaiting a full assesment.
As for your own case, I cannot really say, you seem a bit more outgoing than the average AS person, but that could be the ADHD. Also, I know from a friend's experience, that ADHD actually does have some link to ASds.

Sincerely,
Matthew