Hate for people/sociopathy?

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For a while I've been thinking that I might have at least some traits of sociopathy or something similar. If there is something that describes better what I have, please tell me.

Sometimes I feel extremely cold and hateful towards almost everyone and everything. It almost feels like shifting into a different personality for a certain time. It usually occurs when I had an argument with someone, or when I'm in overload or just feel annoyed somehow. Usually I'm a nice and polite, though quiet and withdrawn person. But in these phases I suddenly feel and think like I imagine a sociopath would. I think bad about most people (except those I really care for), and generally don't have any caring or loving emotions. I am annoyed by people and want to be alone. I lie without any bad conscience and just ignore people or behave sarcastic and condescending. I also feel some kind of power, like I am better/stronger than most people. These phases are not really unpleasant, but I am aware that I am behaving antisocially - I just don't care. Afterwards I mostly feel worried about it.

Aside from these phases, I can also be joyful, happy and funny sometimes. But some of these traits are always there. I never cared much about people, never feeling any real close or intimate friendship or love. I can like and feel good in a group of people, but I don't develop any real care for an individual. When my father died, I was hardly sad at all, though we had a good relationship. As a child, I sometimes hurt animals (slightly) because I was curious how they would react. I also stole from people and didn't care that it was a bad thing to do. I lie a lot and often feel cold and disconnected from the world. When I was very young I sometimes hurt myself because I was fascinated by blood.

But I also have situations when I care deeply about social injustice (for example I support gay rights) and I actually love animals. I usually love harmony and am polite and considerate. But it's like this "dark side" is a shadow that's always in my subconsciousness somewhere and sometimes it takes control.

Is this a normal thing that most people experience, but nobody talks about? Or should I be worried? Could I be a part time sociopath or something like that?

Isn't almost every person on earth like this?

People can be downright sociopaths if you drive them far enough...

That's not how sociopaths are. Most sociopaths are extroverts. They enjoy social interaction, they just don't care if the other person is enjoying it too.

This does not sound normal to me. But what do I know, like you said, maybe people are having similar thoughts as you and not talking about it.

Hmm... Perhaps your bipolar? I don't know much about bipolarity, and I'm not a psychologist, but this sounds bipolar to me.

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You just said you don't know what bipolar is, and if this sounds bipolar then obviously you f*****g don't. You can become psychotic by being bipolar, but that is not the same thing as psychopathic as OP is (wrongly) worried about. Is that why you said that? Otherwise I have no f*****g clue how you could come to that conclusion.

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Wait, maybe I was a bit too hasty. Did you mean the moodswingy/irritable part? But then there are lots of other symptoms missing. But then again, maybe the OP have not mentioned them as he/she do not think they are linked?

I'm very curious if that is what you meant.

Last edited by Anomiel on 25 Mar 2013, 9:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I just read through it several times, and then I thought about what is considered normal NT behavior, and if you would change the language to sound more neutral then it wouldn't be all that upsetting. It is very usual, but most people without diagnoses do not think about themselves in terms of what could be abnormal, and they use positive descriptions as most aren't that hard on themselves, and many would not either publicly admit to it in this amount of detail anyway.
"I was angry at that person" could be a short description that everyone is supposed to know what it means - they might feel variations of what you describe as "antisocial" or "better than". But if someone feels anger towards someone - they often will not analyze it afterwards and go "what was that? I wanted to hit that person. But now that I am not angry, I do not want to hit that person in reality - what is happening!!??? Am I evil?" Most people will just accept it as "emotions". And talking about the lack of emotions, there are lots of things that cause numbening of emotions or flat affect.
I don't think you need to worry. If anything, this could be used to show NTs exactly how innocent aspies can be. You are describing through very analytical (which makes it seem pathologized) and dramatic language (either because you're anxious about it or are that way) things that are considered normal for many. What I have seen, what many other aspies consider dark is... Not what people that aren't as good consider dark. If you do think that it might be some disorder that makes you "like this".. It might be about not being able to know what you're feeling (I don't remember what that is called but it is a common comorbid). Maybe a bit histrionic (sorry) and a bit kleptomanic. But I, like the one above, am not a professional I welcome anyone with any disorder mentioned in this post to mention if I got something wrong.

Also the "just not caring about things and wanting to be left alone" would point more towards schizoid PD or even depression. And it's not that evil.




ETA: Clarity.

It's not normal to hurt animals or yourself for the matter. However I prefer you hurt yourself over poor defenceless animals. It's good that you can see this is wrong I think you should get help.

I was like this in the past too, keep thinking about it; that's the only advice I can give.

I do feel the need to defend this person a bit, because she/he is doing such a poor f*****g job of it.
Sorry Sanctus. If you do feel it is this worrying, maybe talk to a psychiatrist.
First of putting something judging yourself this harshly out to people that are not known for being any good at comforting people and that take things at face value (oooh he/she says they are eeeeevil, shame the evil person! shaaame!) instead of thinking that the OP sounds a bit like an unreliable narrator when it comes to exactly how horrible she/he finds everyday things like hating or avoiding people and I was thinking the OP needs an hug and not being told they are "wrong" ... I hate people that can't let other people want to avoid people etc.

Sounds to me like misanthropy. Everyone feels frustrated with other people. A true sociopath wouldn't be bothered by the feeling, but you say that you are.

I have a feeling that many people are like you. I think people will hide anything bad inside them so that they will look good. I think most people are sneaky like that. So it seems to me that how you feel inside is rather normal. As long as you don't act like that, I think there's no problem. Only one thing that you said worries me - about your father. If you were very little, then you wouldn't have been able to comprehend the death, but if you were old enough and still didn't feel sad, then I find it really odd or rather worrying.

I know sociopaths and though I can't read minds, I get the impression they actively seek out people to harm for entertainment (not even revenge or something like that). That doesn't sound like what you're describing, which just sounds like bitterness and burnout to me.

I experience most of those feelings.

It could be anger at not being accepted.

Imagine a world where everyone liked and accepted you. A lot of those feelings would likely go away.

I think being worried that you might be a sociopath is probably a good indication that you're not one. I would think the majority of sociopaths would be in denial about it.

Have you ever looked into Reactive Attachment Disorder? You might want to look into this. The traits are very similar to AS, but some of them don't overlap as much, specifically the ones you describe. Hope this helps!