Help to cope with outbursts

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I have a nearly-10-year-old boy (diagnosed at age 7) with higher functioning Asperger's Syndrome.
I have been to couple of seminars on AS to try and gain some insight as to how to cope with my son. I may not have attended the correct ones, because I just sat there listening to the other people's problems and thinking "what am I doing here ? Taylor is sooo not as bad as these poor souls !" I felt such a fraud !

My current problem - I've decided to try one thing at a time - is that when he loses he completely wigs out - throws tantrums, chucks things around. Last night for example, he was playing "21" (or Black Jack/Poker) with his sister and grandparents. He was fine whilst playing, but when it came to adding the total score at the end of the game, he didn't win. He then just threw the money (they were using the money out of Monopoly) across the table and folded his arms and huffed and puffed and got all bent out of shape.

Can anyone shed any light on how I can try and curb this outburst ? I am trying really hard at the moment not to lose my rag and yell at him - although he is told that this is why the other kids won't play with him - and I talk calmly to him about that not being the way to behave and it doesn't matter, as it is just a game.

HELP ! !

Smiley,

I think autism might have influenced how he shows his displeasure, but the REAL problem is he is a sore loser. Try to just explain to him as you are that he may lose, and is expected to not be upset. It sounds like you really just have a normal parenting problem.

Good luck.

Steve

Lol, I'm remembering my childhood as you describe your son, Smiley. I know it isn't funny at all as it's happening, and I'm sorry for laughing, but I was similar to your kid. (I have Asperger Syndome). When I played board games with my dad, all Hell would break loose if I lost. I'd scream and throw game pieces everywhere. It was something I "grew out of", and I typically only displayed this behavior if I was playing with my dad. (In other words, I didn't get explosive if I was playing with other children). Does your son only explode when he loses to family, or other children as well?

With your son, some sessions of playing board games will probably go better than others. What I'd do is reward him when he takes a lose well. I probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I'd just say something like "wow, you're being a good sport. That's awesome."

I know it may sound lame but he will out grow it. It is all in how you cope with it. Un until about 1 year ago my son was just like that! he was a "sore looser" I would just give him some time to blow his steam in his room by himself. Then when he was good and ready he could come out and play again. Lately he still gets a bit upset and tries to argue his way out of loosing but he gets over it really fast with minal problems. So look for what works for you. Good luck sweetie it is hard but think how much harder it was before he was diagnosed

Thanks for that guys. I'll just try to remember the next time (because there will be one) and send him to his room to calm down. Only hopefully I'll remember not to grow/yell at him for being a @#$%. I'm going to have a job, though, getting his father to do this too. He's not always receptive to these things.

Gaya : In response to your question about when he explodes, I believe he would do the same with any person. School is a little difficult to determine, in that they don't really play board games and the like. I do know that if he is playing with other kids and can't get a handle on the game or isn't really enjoying it for whatever reason, he withdraws and goes and plays by himself. He's actually quite happy being a solitary player - this, of course, doesn't make his sister (she's 7) very happy sometimes, because he won't play with her. She's not very good at solitary things.

Ohh yes!! No yelling! I am not sure if this is true for all but my boy is VERY sensitive and he holds things!! One time I was really upset he did something I had told him not to! and I was so upset I told him "you are so smart, how can you act so STUPID!!" Ohh my poor baby cried! and I apologized and he said "you called me stupid!" and I had to take a while to explain the difference between acting and being. Their is no gray are with these kiddos!

Appeal to his intellectual vanity. Tell him that in life whenever you play a game, there is another game going on at the same time - the friendship game. This game involves being a good looser/winner, being polite and creating a relaxed and fun atmosphere for those he interacts with. Tell him that the smart thing to do is to acknowledge this other game and realise how important it is for a successful life and making friends.

He is not being a &*(&# he just inteprets the importance of the actual game, ie blackjack or whatever as paramount and a measure of his worth. AS kids get confused about such things as they do not understand that we play games simply to have fun. They like to succeed and be told they are clever because they misinterpret the social world and think that people are judged on success more than on being nice, polite, friendly etc.