Avatars...and other things (misinterpretation)

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Do you find that people view your avatar differently to yourself, especially if it is a picture of you?

I often upload my picture thinking I look sultry, or friendly or sexy or with some other positive expression but find that people will often say I look arrogant, or stuck up, or sad or as though I am looking for trouble etc.

Meanwhile I am sat scratching my head (once again) wondering where they got that from.

This can happen in the real world. Often times people will keep telling me to cheer up even though I am in a perfectly good mood. This can become annoying after a while as they insist I look miserable or fed up when I am not. I was merely contemplating something and/or was quite contented at the time. It is just that my focus was on what was going on in my head (my own musings) rather than being on what signals I was giving out externally.

It is also the same when I am speaking. I will say something and people will interpret it as my being negative, but I was not being negative as far as I was aware. Ie I may talk about a test and someone might say "you will pass" to which I will respond "well you never know I might fail". Now I was stating a possibility (I actually have no fear of failure so don't attached all the fear and negativity to it that other people do) as it is possible to fail and you can't be 100% sure will anyone will pass when taking an exam. To them though I am being negative and lacking confidence.

Argh, makes me want to tear my hair out (although i don't because it would hurt and I have a sensitive scalp) lol.

Do you interpret you facial expressions as meaning something different to other people or have problems with any of the above and does it make you want to tear your hair out too?

I am told that when I am contentedly working on a project I enjoy, that I look royally pissed off. I don't understand how that works, but that is what I have been told.

Yeah, me too. I remember when I was helping out setting up a stage in a small auditorium. I was standing in the back row putting things together in my mind. And a man working on the stage looked at me for a few seconds while I was cogitating and said to me, "you always look like you're getting ready to punch someone out".

Recently a guy who's a confidant mentor type that I had breakfast with, told me when I asked him for an "how am I doing?" appraisal said my face was too expressionless.

I wonder if we tend to make faces when we concentrate, and remain blank when not trying to figure something out? Pretty much the opposite of NTs?

It's pure chance that my face conveys what it's meant to convey in any situation and I've given up trying to make it fit in with peoples' expectations. Some people can make me feel completely normal as regards my expressions and they respond accordingly whereas others act as if I'm doing things off the scale wrong! So either these people are over-reacting or they're reading something very different in my expressions than I mean to convey

As a result I don't like making eye contact with strangers at all as I rarely feel I've done 'the right thing' as regards expression.
When I've tried smiling more it can get better results sometimes but I feel it's all very forced ie it's not me to be so unguardedly friendly, so I'm giving a false impression. Also there's loads of times I've smiled and had a lack of response back so it makes you feel sod it!

So me and non-verbal communication just do not work as my face just doesn't seem to make the expected expression or eye contact as far as a lot of people seem to be concerned; I can do it by accident sometimes but not from will. People seem to vary a lot in terms of how they respond to me and this makes me too nervous to want to interact with them at all for fear of a bad interaction.

I think maybe I'm blank when I'm more at ease in social settings. When I'm trying to figure something out is when I look troubled. That's when someone will ask "are you okay?" or "cheer up".

I do, but I was not aware that NT's don't do that.

How am I supposed to pull my face at such times?

My mind is more on what I am doing task wise than what I am doing with my facial muscles. If I have to stop and worry about my facial expression I am going to find it very distracting!

NT's facial expressions seem to come on their faces automatically with every thought whereas we often seem to have to put ours on manually.

My thoughts just don't show up in my face like they do with NTs - I can almost see thoughts as they occur to many NTs via their expression. I know for a fact I don't do this; there's a disconnect between thoughts and expressions

I wouldn't worry about it. When I'm trying to concentrate I want to be left alone, and if I look angry then theoretically people should avoid me. Doesn't always work that way, but it's a theory and I can't be bothered to worry about my face all the time.

What bugs me is when I think I'm smiling and I'm not. I have to consciously remember to smile on a regular basis. Just being happy and/or amused doesn't read on my face.

lol me too! Whenever I'm concentrating on my work, I look angry apparently.

My NT gf says i have blank face looks
or at times to other people i look angry even though i may not be angry at all
i can't control my face...
I suppose a lot of people must think i'm angry a lot if thats how i look... its hard for me to read others, so i'm not surprised i don't show an accurate read on my own face

I have the exact same problem. I am in a neutral mood most of the time and it is sometimes misinterpreted by family members as a negative mood. Once they start asking me what the matter is, they won't stop until I answer them with something other than "nothing". Since "nothing" is the truth, I often exaggerate little annoyances in my day to make it seem like that's what was bothering me, just so that my family members will leave me alone.

I am constantly asked, "Is everything OK?" It used to annoy me, and now I just know they are just concerned. I'm kind of at apoint where I don't care anymore what others think and how they interpret me. I've sat and cried and scratched my head over it long enough. Now I just want to enjoy my life (even if my brow is furrowed because I'm figuring out the fine intricacies of the universe in my head)!

You are not alone, is what I'm trying to say.

It's an AS trait to have a very inflexible facial expression, to look almost expressionless like a doll. Others interpret this firm look and lack of smile as being depressed and will comment that you should cheer up or smile a little, confusing the hell out of you because you're not feeling down, just neutral, or even happy.

The verbal responses about the possibility of failing could just be impulsive speech combined with the matter of factness we're wired with, or the odd self depreciating comments that can be made by AS brained people. Either way, speaking in a negative way about yourself affirms negative beliefs or the possibility of negative outcomes vs. looking on the brighter side and being positive, so it's only natural that NT's will interpret your words as you having negative thoughts and needing to curb the negative thinking and improve your self confidence.

When I have my photo as the avatar, as now, I always angle the shot so my face is slightly off center, and especially the eyes do not show. I sometimes wear sunglasses, like I am now, so there is no way to see my eyes.

I find people tend to become most presumptuous about you when they see your eyes. This is very true in face to face encounters.

Even if they can not see your eyes, they already make assumptions based on your apparent gender, hair style, clothing, skin color, etc, but the extrapolation is limited..

If you show your eyes, that means you want people to make assumptions about you, and you are fascinated by their assumptions.

I prefer more anonymity. I guess I am really just a very shy aspie at heart.